Feeling rubbish - unhappy in life :(

KittyKate

Thanks everyone. I am trying but when I see how they're doing all this stuff in their life, and all I've really done is build a home and career, maybe I feel like I should be jumping on a plane or something and going to look for the bit of me they killed off when they spat on me and emailed me pictures of dead babies after I had an eptopic pregnancy terminated.

I used to be lively, drink a lot, sociable, know loads of people, loads of hobbies at uni, always smiling, and when that girl did what she did, through jealousy, I became quite serious, only interested in facts (I don't read books or watch TV programmes that arent in some way based on fact because I can't stand fiction - it reminds me of lies)

I find it very hard to make friends and trust people and I am used to, and almost prefer, the company of myself, my BF and my immidiate friends and family. I now hate clubbing and being in crowded places (whereas before I was a real thrill seeker), I went abroad for the first time in Tenerife and had a panic attack on the plane as I've developed severe claustrophobia.

I am successful in my career as it's one of the few places I feel in control. I have a nice house because when me and my BF lived at uni we had a horrible place with mice so now we've treated ourselves. I just cannot forget what I've been through and today was a horrible reminder.

westernpromise

I am 42 so I'm an olde pharte* with no idea what MySpace is, but I have been scr3wed over by people once or twice. And you know what? What goes around really does come around...eventually.

When I was 18 I was one of a gang who all hung out together. I fell out with my best mate, which meant I fell out with the whole clique. I gave him the choice and he decided he'd rather be in the gang than be my best mate. I never spoke to him again and sure enough they all fell out with each other anyway. So he ended up with no best mate and no gang either. I know he regretted it. Tough, he had his chance. I kept my self regard, and just made new best mates.

When I was 32 I was forced out of a job I loved because the boss was corrupt. He was taking backhanders to do bad deals and blaming them on his subordinates including me. He lost his job eventually and several of his cronies are in Russian prisons, I am delighted to say. He spends his life wondering if any of his "friends" will talk to the FBI about him in exchange for a shorter sentence. I hope the greedy crook still thinks it was all worth it.

I left my last job because I was underpaid and getting no support from the boss. She has since been fired for losing all her best people.

I don't believe in karma, but I do believe that you end up with broadly the life your personality inclines you to. If those people are cliquey and obnoxious, then it will catch up with them. Who wants to make life easy for cliquey obnoxious people? Nobody.

Selfish people, lazy people, and spiteful people all suffer from a disease of their character, IMHO, and there's no cure. But it's a wasting disease. They have AIDS of the personality and they will all die lonely, ugly and poor, and you won't need to help the process along. It just takes time, that's all.

You sound like a rather fine person who's made a great life for herself despite having been beset by what Alan Clark MP would have called "a bolus of w@nkers". Well done. That is why you have come back from all that. None of those people is equipped to do so. You need to spend your energy on more productive things. Move on! They aren't worth the !!!!!! on your shoes!! **

* although I am still lean and devastatingly good-looking in a James Bond way: brutally handsome with a slightly cruel smile. See avatar for evidence

** figure of speech. I'm sure there isn't really any !!!!!! on your shoes. Or indeed anywhere else upon your clothing. I'd better stop before I get into any more trouble with a metaphor I am beginning to regret

westernpromise

suzukibabe wrote:

Ignore those ppl on myspace, they probably have'nt changed much,

You are so right. Now and then I have encountered people I last knew as kids at school and they are exactly the same. If they were whiney !!!!! when they were 6, they still were at 16, 26, or 36.

Putting something on MySpace saying how wonderful you are is probably what phuckw!ts like these resort to doing when there's nobody around to pick on any more. It bespeaks an ongoing need to make other people feel small.

Who said people can only make you feel small if you let them? So true.

suzysue_2

Hi KK,
I used to feel the way you do at the moment, through so called friends and even recently with neighbours who I thought were friends. I was devastated by their behaviour. I wanted each and every one of them to suffer in some way, but, I came to a rapid conclusion that these people mean nothing to me so therefore can not hurt me. I no longer care nor remotely interested in their lives.
Hold your head high and be proud of who you are. xxx

KittyKate

ts_aly2000 wrote:

They're probably in so much debt...........

Worry about what you're doing. Don't worry about them. Revel in where you are now. Nightclubs, who needs em', haven't been to one for years, and I was there 2,3 times a week, every week. When we were all working straight after university we were spending £150 each just on booze, nightclubs, kebabs, A NIGHT!!

You are not these people. These types of people do not have friends. They merely have acquaintences. My old lot are still living the high life yet are in so much debt it's staggering. And they're totally blind to it. They are nothing more than ignorant small minded little people, who base their status on material standards.



Aly xx

Thanks - I really identify with that. I used to go out with the very people that bullied me and stupidly I thought they were my 'best mates'. That particular girl would drink until she was paralytic and picking fights and snogging strangers. She stole money from me, she pretended to be me at the bank and took out £50 a time to spend on curries, vodka and rubbish.

To me what I have is my own business - yes, I will admit I've 'treated' myself to nice (albeit fairly domestic - no Prada handbags!) things, but I never brag to my friends or blog about how great my life is. I find it hard to figure why they feel the need to and maybe that's the most telling thing.

You've all made me see this from a new angle and for that I am so appreciative, otherwise I would have sat here making myself misterable, whereas now I feel fairly positive. I rarely think about my bullies or that time in my life and scarily I've forgotten a lot of it (I think my body forced me to forget, when I was at my lowest, or something).My BF never mentions it apart from 'I have everything I want and need'. One thing is for sure, I will never trust anyone blindly again and if that is a curse it may also be a blessing!

scat

With the best will in the world ... I think you need to get over it! I was bullied at school but deep down I don't think I'ld want the people that bullied me to go on and have miserable lives. We are all flawed, we all make mistakes and do things that we later may regret. If I'm honest I'm sure I could think of times I've said or done things that hurt other people - usually because I was being hurt in return. I'm not saying the behaviour was right, I'm saying you need to forgive. It was a long time ago and dwelling on it does you no good.


oh and re Karma - what world are you living in!!! Life isn't like that!!! It's perfectly possible to be a really nice person and have a really crap life ( and vice versa! )

gelato_cat

Maybe she felt she had the flee the UK because she'd been such a c*w to so many people

I'm sure that if she is bad as you say, she'll get her share of bad luck sooner or later. I would just be glad I never have to see her again

Suze

KittyKate wrote:

And my ex friend, well, she was just evil wasn't she, and she is living in a foreign country with no friends, she might say on her myspace she is 'living it up' but when you cant speak the language and live in a micro flat in the middle of nowhere its not exactly company central is it - in fact thanks guys I can smile about it now in a way.

victory

kitty what goes around comes around that is a fact? If they are not in some crummy place as your mind imagined them to be or hope they would be, put them there ,make yourself better and make up a life for them that is so bad it brings a smile to your face and makes you feel better!
I am so sure that they are not perfect people, living in perfect worlds with no problems whatsoever like the OP says they have huge debts!
Make them, in your mind have no friends, the ballifs calling on them, disliked at work, make them into whatever you want to make you feel better xxx

coyotekate

fsdss wrote:

i'm ashamed to say that when i was in my teens i bullied a couple of girls not to the extent that you've had to put up with, but i WAS pretty vicious.
now i can see that my troubled teen years came from dealing with family terminal illness and my frustrations and sadness unfortunatly i took out on others.
If i could turn back the clock and change things i would, but i have never found the girls since, but if i do i will apologise and try (if i can) to make amends

XXXXXXXXXX

You have faced up to what you did and have regrets,it takes guts to admit when we're wrong,well done:T :T :T

furndire

With some luck, you'll see them on the Channel 5 programme "Banged up Abroad"
(Banged Up Abroad documents the lives of those travelling abroad in search of paradise only to find themselves imprisoned in foreign jails for a variety of ...)