Feeling rubbish - unhappy in life :(

KittyKate

Hi all. I'm off work sick today, which doesn't help, and in my boredom I decided to join myspace, which I don't normally have the time to do. I took a look on there and looked for a few friends - and unfortunately found a few ex-friends (and an ex boyfriend too). When I was at uni with these guys they bullied me, teased me, spread vicious lies about me, and though they were reprimanded by the dean, it all but ruined my life at the time. I turned into a total recluse.

Luckily with my wonderful BF (been together 4 years now) helped me through and with his support I became a strong, confident (and career driven) woman. We've moved to another city and have a gorgeous place, with all our own belongings (having thrown all the things away which reminded us of uni) and new friends. We have great jobs in a big company.

I looked on myspace and found the girl that nearly caused me to commit suicide with her lies and behaviour (it turns out she was jealous that someone she fancied, fancied me, if that makes sense, even though i was totally unaware at the time, and had no reciprocal feelings at all). She would literally spread rumours that I had cried rape, that when I went into hospital with ovarian cysts I was 'faking for sympathy' and she spat on me when she saw me. I NEVER retaliated. (very shy person back then). She must have got about 20 people on her side who sent me abusive texts, stole from me, abused what friends I had left and generally made me so depressed I was on pills.

So when I read her myspace, and that of my ex (best friends with her)(who I split up with when I saw photos of him cheating on me not once but over 20 TIMES) and see they are having happy lives, travelling, in relationships etc, I just feel bad, because I was always taught to believe in karma. I have more money than them but so what? Since when did money make you happy? I have a good life but I've had to build it from scratch, they moved onwards and upwards (a warning from the dean seen as a 'cool thing').

I should never have looked, I know, and I know that as long as my life is good (I know the title says unhappy but I feel a bit empty, I don't know why )then thats all that matters, it just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth and i feel a bit empty. I'm at home alone whilst all my mates are at work and I am feeling crap, and they are in Japan, or Paris, and nothing will ever excuse how evil they were to me and they will never get their comeuppance. Life just isn't fair sometimes.

(sorry for the downer).

viktory

Don't believe everything you read on the Net! They could be lying through their teeth. You have proved you are strong enough to move on ~ do the same again. Ignore it, it's not important.

NB I'm at home sick as well! Getting cabin fever now

djdido2

hey

(hugs)

anybody can look like there life is perfect from pictures and situations but it's never that easy.

i am a hard working single mother of 2 kids and i often get down looking at married couples and boyfriends/girlfriends and families and it often breaks my heart to see people so happy. i wonder why i can't have that. but i realise life is never that rosy. you can look at a couple and think they are so in love and happy and then find out they have major issues.

cheer up chick. it could be alot worse.


xxx

duncans-mum_2

For all you know, they may feel exactly the same sometimes. The grass always tends to seem greener some days. You just need to concentrate on what YOU have that makes you happy/your life complete. If you feel something is missing, try and establish what that is and work on it. Don't judge life by what everyone else is doing. (i know its hard)

I have a friend who has travelled for the past 8 or so years, always in a different hot country and earns quite a bit of money, spends lots too, and goes out partying all the time. When I get to speak to her she tells me all the different stuff she has been doing and all I can add to the conversation is what seems to be the same boring mundane everyday life stuff. But she is also envious of ME the fact that I have a BF that I have been living with for the past 8 years, I have a home, a good job and relatively happy with my lot. She doesn't have those things.

I do beleive in Karma, its just that you may never find out about it because who wants to admit to people they haven't heard of for years that their life might be a bit cr*p.

You'll probably feel better about it when you are not feeling so unwell.

djdido2

i'd make contact through friends reunited and let her know just how well you are doing in life. also thank her for being such an !!!!!hole as it has made you strong, confident and not prepared to take !!!!!! like that off anyone, ever!

x

Angel777

Hi Kittykate, sometimes i really believe that you just have down days where no matter what you do you feel rubbish.

Tommorrow is another day and you have a lovely boyfriend who will come home to you. Why dont you cook him a lovely meal and spend time doing that today, i know you are not feeling good but sometimes when you do something yoy do feel better for it.

Like the previous person said, no one is going to put negative things on mysspace about themselves. I have been with my bf who just proposed by the way! for nearly a year, he was married before and i actually read on friends reunited that he had put that he was 'happily married'. I know he wasnt so people do tend to make out that thier lives are rosy when in fact they are not.

If you let what these awful people do to you bother you now they are winning again. Look around at all the wonderful things that you have and dont waste any more energy on those lot.

Hope you feel better soon

taxi97w

Even if they are happy- what goes up, must come down. They need to be happy first to understand what misery is when it arrives. Bide your time but don't waste your energy on envy. Like the others have said, you don't know the ins and outs of their lives, much of it may already be rather carp.

ooobedoo

Sorry you are feeling sad.

If it makes you feel any better, I have been on friends reunited and some of the entries I have read should be sold to to miramax for making into a box office hit. People that I am still slightly in touch with have written loads of stuff that just isn't true, in fact it's actually quite funny in most cases.

Ignore what you have read, you have put all this behind you and made your life better from people who had to belittle you to make them feel better about themselves. They are sad, and you are a fighter and you shouldn't forget that.

There! consider that a huge kick up the !!!!!Remember, Karma isn't instant! it's a dish best served cold!

KittyKate

Thankyou so much everyone, you are all absolutely correct. I would never put on myspace (I still don't have one!) how sad I was, when I am, I'd just focus on the positive. And I suppose my ex (who complains on his myspace he is skint - I know money doesn't buy you happiness but at least my apartment doesn't have mice etc!) is still the scumbag he was before (he is 25 with a 18 year old GF - nothing wrong with an age gap but he was REALLY controlling whilst cheating on me at the same time, so he may not have changed.) And my ex friend, well, she was just evil wasn't she, and she is living in a foreign country with no friends, she might say on her myspace she is 'living it up' but when you cant speak the language and live in a micro flat in the middle of nowhere its not exactly company central is it - in fact thanks guys I can smile about it now in a way.

Nothing will ever take those horrible memories away but I DO have a lot right now (even with the flu!), it was just a shock as I sort of expected them to still be living in the crummy city we all used to live in, no jobs, no life, but they moved on and so did I. But as sad as I feel right now I can rationalise that I have a good job, fantastic BF (hopefully soon to be fiance at xmas if my hints have been heard lol!!!) of 4 years, great apartment, lovely family, friends AND I am going to freeze my toes off at a bonfire/firework display tonight. What more can a girl want

I'd never been bullied till I went to uni and to experience it at 19 was rough. I thought if you were over 18 you were 'grown up' but my bullies proved me wrong. At 24, I feel about 30, but that's no bad thing. Thanks everyone.

fsdss

i'm ashamed to say that when i was in my teens i bullied a couple of girls not to the extent that you've had to put up with, but i WAS pretty vicious.
now i can see that my troubled teen years came from dealing with family terminal illness and my frustrations and sadness unfortunatly i took out on others.
If i could turn back the clock and change things i would, but i have never found the girls since, but if i do i will apologise and try (if i can) to make amends.

all i can say to you is that you're not well at the moment, when your better look at the positives that you have in your life right now and see if you can build on them, try not to let the past spoil your future.

XXXXXXXXXX

suzukibabe

KK, you have a wonderfull partner, great career, are a more confident outgoing person. You've made something of yourself, got your nice place, are doing okay financially. Ignore those ppl on myspace, they probably have'nt changed much,don't let them get you down. concentrate on what makes you happy in life.