Bullying at work - how to play it

pupsicola

DVardysShadow wrote: »

No backchat or comebacks. Just stand up and face her and say in a mild but firm voice "OK <boss>, this sort of talk has to stop, if you want a chat, then take it to a private room. I find this relentless harassment and humiliation in front of colleagues to be unprofessional, and you are to stop it right now.".

If I was in your office, I would say "well said" and you can bet that even if no one adds anything, they will be thinking it.

Well said. If I heard someone say that justifiably I would clap them.

Flyboy152

NoNoDrama wrote: »

I've recently started a new job for a large national company. My team leader has been bullying me pretty much since the first day since I arrived on the team, and also likes to get the team 2nd involved. (her willing yes man) Instances involve relentless criticism and humiliation in front of other colleagues. (telling me off like a child). I'm in fear of asking a question incase of the inevitable negative response.

By my own admission I can be quite timid when starting a new job until I get settled in, she seems to be using this against me. My current plan of action is to stick it out until payday (20th) then simply leave. At least this way I'll limit the financial impact on myself and will be able to pay my rent...if I leave now (which i'm dying to do) i'll leave myself in a bit of a mess.

My question is are the other avenues even worth bothering with? Such as HR grievance procedure or putting in a complaint? I've only been there less than a month she has been there a few years so I doubt they'd listen I'd just be made out to be the disruptive new person, especially if this culture is embedded in the company.

One other option is back-chat ... I'm quite good at this maybe responding to her with some quick witty responses will help? Humiliate her infront of the team like she does with me...maybe she will lay off then?

Any help or experience people have had with similar situations like mine would be appreciated

No, do not do this, this will just make it worse and will be playing into her hands and just her more excuses to bully you. When she is challenged about her behaviour towards you, she will use any excuse to turn it around to be your fault.

I haven't read the entire thread yet and I apologise if this has already been said before, but you must report this as soon as possible. Make sure you note everything that has been said and done, who witnessed it and when it happened. Go through HR, say nothing to anyone who might be friendly with your team leader or her deputy. Make certain that they treat it seriously and that they write everything down. Make notes of any meetings with them and ensure that they follow everything up in writing to you. It is imperative that you follow procedure to the letter, study the employee handbook and make sure that anything you do cannot be used against you.

Bullies thrive on the power given to them by their friends and a good employer will recognise this. A re-organising of teams and a word in the ear of the bully and her friends usually does the trick. If it doesn't the emplpoyer should have other remedies available to them. However, it is also important that you get assurances from your employer that they will put strategies into place that will protect you and others from any future behaviour from this bully or from anyone else.

I will advise however, that you should re-consider resigning. It would be grossly unfair if this bully feels she has won, it won't help anyone including you.

Flyboy152

vroombroom wrote: »

I had a similar problem when I joined my team - my manager has 'newbie-itis'. She found fault with everything I did, put me down in front of team mates etc. I tried to put a grievance in but as she has been there 14 odd years and considered one of the fixtures, it was thrown out due to not having any witnesses:(

After that it stopped for a while, but since I announced my pregnancy she has started again - she comments on how much I eat, tells people to move out the way for the elephant when I walk down the corridor, blames me for stuff that happens that has nothing to do with me - but then says its cos I am pregnant I cant remember doing it etc

I am leaving in 10 weeks and by the time I come back she will have retired, so I am just putting her down to a bitter old woman

Good luck with whatever you decide and you have my sympathy x

Googlewhacker wrote: »

It wasn't thrown out because she was the 'fixture' as you put it, it was thrown out because you could not prove it.

She obviously should not be calling you an Elephant but you need to be recording these in a book and if there are witnesses etc.

If we are making guesses, my one would be, the employer is just as frighten of her, as her victims. They would be afraid of being hauled over the coals by a tribunal by someone who would threaten them with it at the drop of a hat. What bad employers constantly forget is, they will suffer just as much, by an employee who sues them for not exercising their duty of care.

Flyboy152

jay_1978 wrote: »

She is feeding off your fear, The only real solution is to lay into her verbally and let the others see your action, The only thing with bosses bullying is it gives the go-ahead for other workers to think your weak and they also can get a kick out of making your life miserable. I can personally speak from experience of what your going through but I am the kinda person who won't be put down by anyone despite the position they hold, Trust me just snap one day and give her some of her own medicine. Good luck :-)

Absolutely not. By doing this you will be exposing yourself to possible disciplinary action. One of the most effective weapons in the armoury of a bully is the victims response.

Flyboy152

getmore4less wrote: »

Combine the two, infront of everyone.

Start with the speach and then get out the notebook and start writing.
Have the speach allready in the book, but add the witnesses at that time you say it,

If the boss pipes up just say can you slow down please so I can get this down in writing.

If there is anything in any handbooks about needing evidence for a grievence then you could add that you have taken HR advice(which you have by reading the manual) and they have told you to keep records in case you need to make a complaint.

If they try to find out who you talked to don't tell and HR will alsoi keep quiet as well.

That is not a bad idea, but it will be a make or break approach.

NoNoDrama

Hi all, thanks for all the advise!

If you didn't pick up the bullying from my synopsis in the OP then it's quite possible you are on of "them" sadly! Anyway if you want a specific example.....

....I had a 1-2-1 meeting with her this morning I had to print off a document which I had to bring along. I printed it and asked where the printer was she snapped well what printer did you send it too? I replied I just pressed print I'm not aware there are numerous different printers her reply "go and find what printer it was" I started getting worked up at this point I replied "if you hadn't noticed, I'm new here. Will you show me how to find out what printer number i've sent it to and where the printer is" she just starred at me with no response and a dirty look. I followed up "are you going to react at all?" She didn't like this at all and called me straight into the private office (1-2-1) telling me to forget about the aforementioned document....

She was fuming (i was highly amused on the inside and very satisfied) she told me to sit straight (she's been relentless about my apparent bad body language). I replied "I'm perfectly fine sitting like this I won't be changing how I sit, you don't talk to me like that not now, not ever" There was then a brief exchange about the team 2nd who unsurprisingly, I was then told, finds me negative too. (over recent days he had been sending 4 or 5 'critical' emails per hour - very relentless) I replied: "ah yes, you're right hand man, you like getting him to do your dirty work don't you?" At this point I feel I was probably stepping over the line with the cheek and backchat, but it felt good.....

...she ran out of the office to grab another manager they spoke for a few minutes outside them both came in. She was an excellent delegator (a proper manager) and basically said that I needed to communicate with her better and she needed to back-off and be more tactful. Again it was very amusing seeing her being spoken to on the same level as me. She did try the old 'I'm being over-sensitive' routine I then pointed out I had not experienced anything like this before in 8 years working in the industry (which I haven't not to this relentless extent). She then went onto talk about the team 2nd sayin she was training him to be a manager that's why he's been on my case. She's obviously training him with the poor managerial skills she has, or should i say lacks.

The rest of the day went good she was friendly enough and even held a "feel-good" team meeting with a few games. It was obviously forced but the effort was appreciated.

So an eventful day all round. I feel I maybe stitched up at some point just a hunch after I saw her and the team 2nd have an extended meeting. But that's fine. At least her card has been marked now and it felt so good. There's nothing a manager dislikes more than someone undermining their authority. I would advise cocky backchat (without being offensive) to anyone in the same situation.

I'll probably still look to leave on payday unless there are dramatic changes and I feel better working there come the 20th. Any tips on the best way to get sacked?

ceridwen

I confess to having burst out laughing - at the tone of your post.

But - I do have to caution that even being sacked might result in some "disqualification from benefit" period - if probably not as long as one for having resigned.....

Have you got a bit of savings behind you - in case?

Flyboy152

I think you've got her number and she has yours. I still think you need to make an official complaint though. The ball is rolling, don't let it lose momentum. Her manager is now aware of the difficulties she is causing and her card is marked. Ask to see these e-mails, under the DPA you are entitled to see them, although I doubt they exist, but if they do, they will be proof of her bullying. Do not ask her, ask her manager to retrieve them.

Nonetheless....well done for standing up to the !!!!!.

DVardysShadow

NoNoDrama wrote: »

.... Anyway if you want a specific example.....

Overall, I give you a B+ for your handling of this. Mostly, I would say it was spot on, but your comments on the second in command overstepped the mark, although you were aware of this - and the fact that it was a one to one at that point meant that you had a little more scope.

The second in command is a more difficult one to deal with, I think your problem with this one is that you have to be able to provide some objective statement of what they have done or not, rather than an unsubstantiable dig at the does-her-dirty-work relationship between them.

DVardysShadow

ceridwen wrote: »

I confess to having burst out laughing - at the tone of your post.

But - I do have to caution that even being sacked might result in some "disqualification from benefit" period - if probably not as long as one for having resigned.....

Have you got a bit of savings behind you - in case?

I think a sacking is now unlikely here unless OP goes out of his/her way to wind up the boss. I agree with Flyboy - her Manager is on to what is going on and the discussion did not sound like a ringing endorsement of the status quo. I would say there is some history, which the Manager is aware of.

I would be sorry to see OP leave this job too soon - I think it could get interesting.