Bullying at work - how to play it

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teabelly wrote: »

Say nothing. Get out a notepad and write it down. Puts the wind up a bully like nothing else. But at the same time you're behaving like a doormat. Don't be surprised when people walk all over you if you do not stand up for yourself. Bullies always go for the quiet ones that they think won't say anything.

Criticising someone in front of other staff members is bullying. It is also a sign of an unprofessional manager. Professional managers would offer negative feedback in private.

DVardysShadow wrote: »

No backchat or comebacks. Just stand up and face her and say in a mild but firm voice "OK <boss>, this sort of talk has to stop, if you want a chat, then take it to a private room. I find this relentless harassment and humiliation in front of colleagues to be unprofessional, and you are to stop it right now.".

If I was in your office, I would say "well said" and you can bet that even if no one adds anything, they will be thinking it.

Combine the two, infront of everyone.

Start with the speach and then get out the notebook and start writing.
Have the speach allready in the book, but add the witnesses at that time you say it,

If the boss pipes up just say can you slow down please so I can get this down in writing.

If there is anything in any handbooks about needing evidence for a grievence then you could add that you have taken HR advice(which you have by reading the manual) and they have told you to keep records in case you need to make a complaint.

If they try to find out who you talked to don't tell and HR will alsoi keep quiet as well.

DVardysShadow

Mr_Oink wrote: »

Yawn. I see, so you are trolling. You have no advice for this person. I thought so. Speaks volumes about you.

Possibly a bit harsh here. Some of your other comments are supportable, but I don't think SN is trolling. All that has happened, I think, is that SN set out to elicit more information from the OP, which was a good move, but unfortunately, the question came out wrong.

Sambucus_Nigra

DVardysShadow wrote: »

Possibly a bit harsh here. Some of your other comments are supportable, but I don't think SN is trolling. All that has happened, I think, is that SN set out to elicit more information from the OP, which was a good move, but unfortunately, the question came out wrong.

Thank you DVS.

lindos90

I really feel for you, its consumes your evey thought, what you should have said etc.

You are getting good advice here, find out the proceedure so you know how to proceed if you need to, this will give you a feeling of control, and may help your confidence.

Can you trust anyone in the team, ask them if there has been any problems before? Do you know anyone who has left that you can talk to? Also find out who your union rep is (hopefully its not her!)

Does she openly critisize others or is it just you? At least you have the advantage that she is doing things infront of others, potentially you have witnesses.

Keep posting and you will et support from here, and like others have said, dont leave, that will give her victory!

I used to work in a team where the team leader was a bully, she was very sly and only did things during supervision, where there were no witnesses. Over a period of time she made me loose ALL my confidence, I have never got it back. She appeared to have everyone 'under her spell' too, which made me think it was me, that I was bad at my job, it made me incapable of making any decisions, just incase I was wrong.

It also became worse when I became pregnant, she even talked about having my pay docked if I kept going to the loo to be sick!! She made returning to work full of obsticles, but hid behind policies and proceedure. She used to use my contract as a weapon, by micromanaging and interpretation.

After I returned from maternity leave, she had her claws in another colleague, and she had the balls to put in a complaint. Several of us supported her by telling our experience to the person who investigated, but as we had not witnessed any bullying apart from our own, nothing could be proved.

The investigtors solution?.....the bully was promoted so she would be making and managing policies, instead of managing people, and had a pay rise to boot:mad:

Mr_Oink

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Trolling?

Or just asking a question?

Obviously only you can decide.

Let's give you the benefit for the moment;

The OP has stated clearly this is verbal abuse. It does not matter what words are used if the OP feels bullied or intimidated by them. So knowing this is a case of verbal abuse, what fresh advice would you give them?

Sambucus_Nigra

Mr_Oink wrote: »

Let's give you the benefit for the moment;

The OP has stated clearly this is verbal abuse. It does not matter what words are used if the OP feels bullied or intimidated by them. So knowing this is a case of verbal abuse, what fresh advice would you give them?

Of course it matters what they are saying....that's the whole point.

lindos90

I have to say, that examples are important. Its absolutly up to the OP whether they want to give specific examples here, they may even find they get more support and advice if they do though. It also comes down to interpretation and intent. It maybe with a few examples we can see which are 'boarderline' bullying, and which are much clearer examples which put forward a stronger case if she wants to put in a complaint.

It is often difficult to give examples in a nut shell though, its about the background and perspective of the situation too, which can be difficult to get across in a couple of paragraphs on a thread.

However if the OP is to consider putting in a complaint, she must first make sure she has specific evidence and examples, which will have to include exactly what has been said, and this will have to be gone into, in detail by whoever investigates.

teabelly

I think there's a slight misinterpretation with SN's comments of 'how'. I think some took it to mean 'I see no bullying here' rather than wanting specific examples to offer specific advice.

Sometimes it isn't the words it is the manner and when written down can just look like nothing even though it didn't feel like nothing at the time. Bullies are often quite clever at knowing where the line is and stepping right on it repeatedly.

bluetownbarry

I have to disagree with some of the posters on this thread. It really doesn't matter what is said, it's how it makes the recipetant feel. Part of my responsibilities occaisonally include investigating these kind of allegations and the general rule of thumb is if the person feels bullied &/or harrassed then they are being bullied &/or harrassed.

For the purposes of this forum, I don't see what can be gained from breaking down the OPs problem to the minutest detail, other than (perhaps) satisfying some people's need for schadenfreude.

Incidentally, below cut and paste from the direct gov site where they give examples and links to advice without the need for examples of dialogue;

Examples of bullying behaviour


Bullying includes abuse, physical or verbal violence, humiliation and undermining someone's confidence. You are probably being bullied if, for example, you are:

• constantly picked on
• humiliated in front of colleagues
• regularly unfairly treated
• physically or verbally abused
• blamed for problems caused by others
• always given too much to do, so that you regularly fail in your work
• regularly threatened with the sack
• unfairly passed over for promotion or denied training opportunities

There's more than enough information from the OP to tick at least three of these examples without going into detail.

pupsicola

NoNoDrama wrote: »

I've recently started a new job for a large national company. My team leader has been bullying me pretty much since the first day since I arrived on the team, and also likes to get the team 2nd involved. (her willing yes man) Instances involve relentless criticism and humiliation in front of other colleagues. (telling me off like a child). I'm in fear of asking a question incase of the inevitable negative response.

By my own admission I can be quite timid when starting a new job until I get settled in, she seems to be using this against me. My current plan of action is to stick it out until payday (20th) then simply leave. At least this way I'll limit the financial impact on myself and will be able to pay my rent...if I leave now (which i'm dying to do) i'll leave myself in a bit of a mess.

My question is are the other avenues even worth bothering with? Such as HR grievance procedure or putting in a complaint? I've only been there less than a month she has been there a few years so I doubt they'd listen I'd just be made out to be the disruptive new person, especially if this culture is embedded in the company.

One other option is back-chat ... I'm quite good at this maybe responding to her with some quick witty responses will help? Humiliate her infront of the team like she does with me...maybe she will lay off then?

Any help or experience people have had with similar situations like mine would be appreciated

I had a similar experience years ago. Turned out my manager was on strong medication following an operation. Depending on which combination of drugs she was on would determine her mod and frame of mind and how she treated us all. She could be lovely one minute and an utter cow the next.

I expect people to treat me proffesionally and with respect just as I do them. So after putting up with her crap for a while I asked to speak with her about it. Got me no-where so I went above her and spoke to her manager. He wasn't at all impressed by what I told him. We had a nice, uncomfy meeting and put our points across. To cut a long story short she was found to be in the wrong and was warned about her approach.

Dont cut your nose off to spite your face Why should you leave just because your manager is power crazy and rude.