Landlord selling house and I'm 6 mths pregnant

GDB2222

You need a backup as well, for when the child minder is unavailable. Childcare always has been a big, big problem. I hope it all works out for you. Sure you deserve it. BTW, are none of the grandparents interested at all, on either side?

abby1234519

GDB2222 wrote: »

You need a backup as well, for when the child minder is unavailable. Childcare always has been a big, big problem. I hope it all works out for you. Sure you deserve it. BTW, are none of the grandparents interested at all, on either side?

Oh my parents and grandparents are but I live in Leeds and they live in the Lake District. I will be staying with them for the birth and a few weeks afterwards to learn how to look after a child but then I will be back in Leeds. It is harsh in the sense that if I was in Kendal mum could childmind if I had transfered to Lancaster uni but they don't do transfers so that option was gone. I'll have to budget thoroughly to pay off debts and be able to go up there fortnight so they get the most out of seeing their grandson. I am very wary of him growing up not knowing them, I can't see myself ever moving back there I like it here. Although I might move to Harrogate when I graduate so thats only 63 miles from them, easier to drive on the Skipton Road.

Also I will be using and abusing them for my exam week next year where I have 4 in a week in May. Hopefully if he knows them well enough they can have his delightful company for a week and I can have peace and quiet to take my exams and then straight afterwards go up myself to stay with them for a week as a big family. Obviously this is dependent on whether as a 10 month year old he is comfortable with them.

My little sister is only 8 years old and I've never seen a child so excited, I visited for a week around my 20 week scan and my parents told my siblings I was expecting then. After that everyday she'd tell me something in the morning, when she got back from school and then continuously all evening. Firstly she made a tinfoil toy alien but said the baby could only look at it, then she instructed me not to let him chew her toys when he was born, then I was informed ALL of her friends at school wanted the baby to be named after them. The reason we didn't tell her at Christmas is because she will not shut up about it. She dreams about the baby and would tell me every morning!

I shall have to make enquiries on Netmums about childcare and hopefully meet some mums to be or new mums

abby1234519

GDB2222 wrote: »

You need a backup as well, for when the child minder is unavailable. Childcare always has been a big, big problem. I hope it all works out for you. Sure you deserve it. BTW, are none of the grandparents interested at all, on either side?

Forgot, his parents haven't been in contact at all

Obviously I can only rely on him saying he has told them

I don't want to contact them myself for fear of being told to shove off lol and I only can see them on Facebook as his parents if that makes sense

GDB2222

Facebook = pretty much closed book to me.

I think his parents ought to be told by you. Make it clear that you are not looking to them for support, but you don't want them to be excluded either.

abby1234519

GDB2222 wrote: »

Facebook = pretty much closed book to me.

I think his parents ought to be told by you. Make it clear that you are not looking to them for support, but you don't want them to be excluded either.

Well its the only way I can even tell who his parents are!

I am also not sure whether to message them now or when the baby is born? Because if he hadn't told them it might be a shock but if he has and they are just being rude then....

Just been on the phone to my best friend who thinks I should pursue for maintenance, am I allowed not to want to? I guess her point is I will have to be on some benefits (housing) so he should also have to contribute. Argh!

sarahevie

I personally wouldn't want it. For me they are either involved or not. I personally don't think it's fair to pay for something if they are not an active part of the child's life.

I also think men get the rough end of the deal in that they have no say in whether the pregnancy progresses yet if the mother decides to continue they then have to pay. I know I am going to be berated for this, friends have said previously that I really do take the male side.

Fortunately it's not a decision I've ever had to make. My DD1 wasn't planned, her dad didn't want to know initially, but we had been together 6 years at this point and were living together so were able to sort things out albeit very slowly.:rotfl:

It took a lot of persuasion and I had to be very very patient with him, when he spent the first six months of her life out with the lads all the time, going on boys holidays, barely holding her - but I believe where possible kids should have two parents. I could have easily thrown the towel in, but then again I'm stubborn as a mule, we came through it and I now have a daughter who'll be three in October and one who's 9 months.

OH is very very repentant, he feels awful for how he has treated us, but he has made up for it. He was immature and 24 when I had DD1 these things happen.

When we were 17, one of my friends became pregnant (planned) by a boy living on our street, they subsequently split (he went off with his foster sister's mother) so was a bit surreal, but to be fair they married that summer and are still together 9 years later.

My friend was very bitter for a long long time. Insisted on maintenance but hasn't let him see the child. He should have fought more, perhaps the legal route to enforce visitation, but I will never agree with her for cutting him out of his son's life in the way she did.

tyler80

I guess this is the price that working mothers pay these days, but somehow my mother worked without sending us all off to nursery at that age.

Houses affordable on only one salary perhaps? :-)

sarahevie

They are - we live on one salary in a mortgaged property, my OH works for the minimum wage (if we can do it anyone can):D

Our house cost £169,000 so not really really cheap, although I accept we are outside of the south east. Between Leeds/Harrogate.

I think it's about expectation, we choose for me to be a SAHM that's more important to me than living in a bigger house, having two cars, having foreign holidays.

We are happy with UK caravan holidays, home cooked food, second hand clothes, hand me downs where possible. If we can't afford it we don't buy it.

tyler80

Find me a mortgage provider that will lend £130,000 at say 85% LTV on one person earning minimum wage and I'll eat my hat :-D

sarahevie

I agree with that one - we are on a 10 year fix with halifax, started 2007, when I appreciate lending was different

We were both working at the time, but I had my first hild 9 months after so have managed for nearly 3 years like this:D