Feeding young daughter when she visits

barbiedoll

Although I do agree with your ex-wife about your daughter needing to learn to feed herself more quickly for school mealtimes etc, I can see where you're coming from with this problem. My son is an extremely slow eater, to the point where he will still be eating his dinner whilst we have eaten ours, washed up and cleared away and begun to think about our next meal! I used to hand feed him until he was more than old enough to feed himself because like you, I couldn't bear to see him starve. He is small, very skinny and although he is just within the normal height/weight limits, I do still worry about his eating. However....he is very healthy, has bags of energy, is rarely ill and I've come to the conclusion that he just isn't that interested in food.

Apparently, I was the same as a kid, I was (still am!) a very fussy eater, I was always the last to finish and I'm still small and skinny too. Food doesn't interest me very much, I cook because I have to, not because I enjoy it. If I could take a pill instead of eating, I wouldn't hesitate. Some of us love our food, some of us can take it or leave it. My worst memories as a child were being stuck at a dinner table and being told that I couldn't leave until I had eaten everything on my plate. My husband cannot understand that me and my son will stop eating when we are full, the idea of eating just to clear a plate is not something that we can do.

If I were you, I wouldn't make a big deal out of mealtimes. You shouldn't feed your daughter, let her feed herself and praise her when she does so. If she only eats a little, then perhaps that is enough for her. Don't let it become an issue or a power struggle, just enjoy the time that you spend with your children. Don't use special plates, cutlery etc etc, let her eat the same food, from the same plates as the rest of you. Maybe she could help with the preparation or laying the table and so on, it will help her to feel more "grown-up". If she hasn't seen you for a while, it may be that she likes to feel like a baby again, it must be a confusing time for her anyway.

Try not to worry too much, kids very rarely starve themselves unless there is a medical issue. Let her have healthy snacks and even some unhealthy ones now and again, a little chocolate never hurt anyone! She will get better as she gets older, it's such a common problem, a lot of parents will sympathise with you on this one!
Good luck.

Gingham_Ribbon

Two4Tuesday wrote: »

You're right - it is just a small part of a bigger issue for me. I've not adjusted well to being a non-resident parent. After my separation, I suffered clinical depression to the point of attempting suicide and was admitted to a psychiatric hospital, where I spent 3 months.

I don't have a care order in place - my solicitor has advised me to try to keep things amicable if possible, and I am worried that my ex will use these mental health problems against me if it went to court.

My children live 250 miles away in our former matrimonial home and I cannot afford to visit them very often. I am living in London with my parents caring for me as I am still very unwell physically and mentally.

I'm so, so sorry for everything you've gone through.

You're not doing wrong by your little girl. Instead of criticising you for a very minor issue, your ex should be supporting your time spent with your children by backing off and leaving you to it.

So relax, ease up on yourself and try not to worry about this. Your daughter will eat when she's hungry and if she's enjoying being a bit mollicoddled at mealtimes, so what? Maybe she remembers that you used to feed her like that and is enjoying a little bit of her past.

SarahNeedle1872

hot.chick wrote: »

at 4 I would tink she should be feeding herslf.

Pandering to her only encourages this behaviour, and shows her that you are easily bent to her will.

I would think that following their mothers ruling on this will help keep things in a routine when they are with you.

I wouldn't go down the bribery route, she eats her dinner or she doesn't, don't make a big deal out of it

Just my thoughts on this, it's unlikely a child will starve themself.

As the mother of a 3yr old who can be a total 'player' I completely agree with this! I'm sure it must be hard as you only seem your daughters briefly, but kids are cleverer than you think! A few times of her not eating/getting her way, she'll soon be bored and eat her dinner. DS tried it for a while, but soon realised that not eating tea=no pudding or anything else either!
Don't worry about her being hungry, she's not going to starve from missing one meal... and if she's hungry, she'll eat

Sx

Ddraig

I would suggest as a mum of 4 kids.3 girls and a baby boy.That girls can be ever so clever at fighting for attention.Whilst not fighting.Where are your other 2 children whilst madam is making you feed her?
You get it yet?

Whilst you are having to cut her food up and feed her.She has you all to herself and the other 2 are starved of your affection.Try playing her at her own game.Suggest a game for when you all finish eating.If she tries to drag it out ,she misses out whilst you play a game with the older 2.
Something like a board game etc.She wont starve.Not many children that have food as a choice starve through lack of opportunity to recieve food.She is being unfair.My 4 year old is the meanest out of my 3 girls.She has learnt to be to look after herself.Most younger children are tougher than older ones.

Whatever you do .Dont over think it and dont make yourself ill.xx

Loopy_Girl

Two4Tuesday wrote: »

My ex-wife finds out everything that I do, as my oldest daughter phones her several times a day to report what's going on. When they are with their mum, she screens all phone calls that I make to the girls.

Which is a good thing.

By your own admission you are still 'very unwell mentally and physically', you have been sectioned twice and spent 3 months in a hospital ward and had 24 hour suicide watch so presumably have attempted suicide.

The Mum is only looking out for her children's welfare whilst they are in your care and quite rightly so.

And no, you shouldn't be feeding a 4 year old. It's ridiculous and she is playing on your guilt that you don't see them. Just because you have limited access at the moment, which I suspect could change when you are more stable and not feeling 'very unwell', doesn't mean that you should be letting your children away with acting the way she is. You wouldn't hand feed your 9 year old so it shouldn't be any different for the little one.

You are not starving your kids, she is choosing not to to eat and play around at the dinner table.

Two4Tuesday

Thanks - I will take this all on board and use the very helpful suggestions given.

Savvy_Sue

another suggestion is to make meals which are easy to eat for a bit? or that don't need cutting.

I used to cut toast (with kitchen scissors) and mix it with baked beans when the boys were at infant school, their friends thought it tasted better that way.