Feeding young daughter when she visits

Two4Tuesday

I've just had my two daughters stay with me over New Years Eve. My youngest daughter (4 years old) is a very fussy eater, making lots of excuses not to eat her dinner, and being extremely slow. It doesn't matter what the dinner is, even if it's her favourite.

Eventually after a lot of coaxing, she does eat when I cut up her food, place it on her fork and feed it to her.

Now my ex-wife has been complaining that I should not be feeding my daughter as 'she needs to learn to feed herself quickly especially during school mealtimes' and that 'going hungry will teach her to do this'.

I only see my daughters for a few hours once a month, and they have stayed with me for a few days only 3 times in 2010.

I can't abide to see my daughters go hungry, and I think that considering how little I see them, it should not affect her eating habits if I feed her a few days a year, at least until she starts feeding herself.

Am I wrong to feed my daughter when she refuses to eat otherwise?

Wilma33

At 4 I really don't think you should be feeding her (unless she has learning disabilities or is ill), regardless of how little you see her.

I would put a reasonably small amount on her plate, keep verbally coaxing her and tell her she can have a nice dessert if she clears the plate.

Mk14:37

Sorry Two4Tuesday, I suspect that you are wrong.

Can't you imagine that when she goes back to Mum, she will say at the next dinner time, "But Daddy cut it up for me, I won't eat until you feed me like Daddy did".

You say that you can't abide to see DDs go hungry, yet this is her choice surely? If she is hungry she will eat her food, why drag it out?

hot.chick

at 4 I would tink she should be feeding herslf.

Pandering to her only encourages this behaviour, and shows her that you are easily bent to her will.

I would think that following their mothers ruling on this will help keep things in a routine when they are with you.

I wouldn't go down the bribery route, she eats her dinner or she doesn't, don't make a big deal out of it

Just my thoughts on this, it's unlikely a child will starve themself.

Mk14:37

Wilma33 wrote: »

I would put a reasonably small amount on her plate, keep verbally coaxing her and tell her she can have a nice dessert if she clears the plate.

Yes to small portions, but please God don't bribe with deserts. There's enough obesity in the country as it is, we don't need to keep teaching the next generation to gorge themselves on sugar laden "treats".

Teenie_D

I think that you and your ex should be doing things exactly the same, if she does not cut up her food and coax her to eat then you shouldn't either. Just confuses things. Your daughter will eat when she's hungry and maybe making a fuss about it is exactly what she wants

Wilma33

Mk14:37 wrote: »

Yes to small portions, but please God don't bribe with deserts. There's enough obesity in the country as it is, we don't need to keep teaching the next generation to gorge themselves on sugar laden "treats".

It doesn't have to be a unhealthy dessert, just something she likes!

Other tips: Let her help make dinner and make sure you eat at the same time so she can see you lead by example.

EllieA_3

The question is why is she slow? i was always a slow eater as a child my mum tried the same tactic (taking away food after an allotted period of time) it didn't help i just ended up really under weight.. imo there are better ways of dealing with it.

sashadesade

Sorry, I agree with your ex. A four year old can feed herself (assuming there are no health issues preventing her from doing so) and by pandering to her you're just encouraging her to continue being difficult. She can't really be hungry or she would eat what was given to her!

Mk14:37

Why were you slow, Elliea? What worked for you?

Two4Tuesday

Thank you all for your responses. I guess I'll have to try harder to make her eat her food herself.

My ex-wife finds out everything that I do, as my oldest daughter phones her several times a day to report what's going on. When they are with their mum, she screens all phone calls that I make to the girls.