MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Can kids buy anything they want?

Annando

I guess if he/she was mature enough to do the odd jobs and SAVE to get this...well I think you also have to trust youngsters. I would let them have it, albeit keeping a watchful eye on what they are up to!

mart_80

I'm not a parent (yet) but I've been using the Internet for over 10 years and I know what is on the web. Let the kid buy the laptop, but restrict Internet use to family areas such as lounge/dining room etc. Easy to do if they don't get a wireless router as they'll have to sit near where ever the router is put. This way at least the parents will be able to keep an eye on what the kid is up to. This is nothing to do with not trusting them, it is not trusting what can be found on the Internet.

It may also be worth spending a bit more and getting a decent router that supports URL filtering (blocking certain websites) and records all sites the kid goes to. This however shows a little less trust.

cazrobinson

i think there's a lot more interesting things to spend they're money on (i have three kids) and would discourage them from from saving-up for this kind of purchase, before it came to the crunch.

i would wait till they're 16 and much more aware of the real world before entering the virtual!

schoolfundraiser

Let him have the laptop, talk sensibly with him about internet security and chatrooms and ask if you can borrow his laptop occasionally when you need to. (It is likely that he will know more about internet security than you do anyway.)

You have to trust them sometimes. He is 13 and has had the integrity and maturity to work and save for something he wants which is more than can be said for some adults! If you deny him now when he knows he has been mature and responsible you are saying that he is still a child and under your control. Which is not how he sees himself and may drive him to underhand methods like some of his peers. You need him to trust and respect your judgement in the difficult teenage years ahead.

(Although you are less likely to see him much as he chats to his mates on MSN or games online and the bed will wear out quicker as the teenager's favourite laptop position is lying down!.)

codger

The danger in dealing with any 13-year-old is to appear patronising. But the bigger danger is to abdicate responsibility altogether.

If this were our household, we'd be proud and delighted that our child had managed to save up for the laptop. But just as we'd be proud and delighted (if not a little amazed, or even downright worried) that the savings had gone as far as equalling the purchase price of a new car, we'd be bound to draw attention to the fact that life isn't an unfenced territory: there are rules to keep all of us within boundaries with which we may disagree, but which it's necessary to accept.

So: well done, saving up for the car. But no, you can't drive it. You're too young. And well done, saving up for the laptop for use in your bedroom. But no, you're too young to have unrestricted web access so it won't be possible at this time to have a modem connection or wireless hook-up -- if you need that, then use Mum's or Dad's, which actually does have protection on it so strong that no 13-year-old, no matter how clever, will be able to get around it.

Stressing pride in a child's achievement rather than stressing restrictions that follow on from that achievement is not only good parental sense, it's also, in this instance, entirely justified.

lellie

blimey! I don't think I could imagine ever saving that much money at that age in the first place - I didn't get pocket money as a kid and lived in the middle of no where so jobs were out of the question..

I personally think the child if (s)he's mature enough to do that is probably mature enough to use the internet sensibly. You could consider adding a hosts file to the network to filter sites you know definitely aren't suitable. I'd also ensure that there was decent anti-virus and anti-spyware software because that's a bigger risk than what he/she might find online really. Most kids if they wanted to find dodgy material could find it elsewhere - not just online so I don't think it would help that much.

I was using the internet from the age of around 13/14 - unrestricted and unwatched, but it didn't do me any harm. I wouldn't want to find dodgy material and I was always sensible - as long as the child is clued up on staying safe online and is relatively bright it should be fine. Okay, I'm a bit of an internet addict these days so maybe a restriction on the number of hours online might have helped, but I learnt a lot online as a teenager, including independence.

One thing I would ensure - is that they don't take it out of the house unless the parent is with them - it would be very easy to mug a 13 year old - also friends may not be as trustworthy - so if (s)he's browsing with other people make sure it's in view of the family.

Hebburn_red'n'white

You could of course solve the problem by switching your Broadband supplier to a filtered service, for example http://www.dimasoft.co.uk/internet_filtered.htm

This will strip out virtually all the !!!!!! and other objectionable material at source. Costs a bit more per month, but an excellent catch-all solution.

We use ContentProtect (http://www.contentwatch.com/) on all our home PCs, it not only provides usage reports (remotely accessible if you're on holiday), e-mails you with dodgy sites visited, but also blocks access to them. Almost impossible to remove, or over-ride anything on it, even a tech-savvy teenager would struggle (and its absence would be obvious on any routine check of the laptop).

Kantankrus_Mare

We had this very dilemma a few moths ago when we got a new family computer (which is in living room).

Son who is nearer 14 than 13 wanted to have old PC in his bedroom with internet access.

I immediately said "no" but think OH would have given in.

I trust son at the moment but Im thinking about a year or so's time when the hormones are raging and curiosity gets the better of him. He's going to be a hot bloodied male after all and what I dont want is for him and his mates to sit looking at material that is unsuitable and gives out the completely wrong impression of women. Of course Im talking !!!!!! and I don't care how many blocks you put on the computer..........a clever teenager will find a way.

Yes there are times when the family computer is used by him when we are not around but as its in a communal area I hope he would think twice about looking at such material.

Of course there is also the safety issue of chat rooms and Instant messaging to consider. I believe if a teenager is left to entertain themselves for hours and hours in their bedrooms these things can soon turn sinister and its not healthy is it? Like another poster....I get little enough conversation out of son as it is but if he was cooped up in bedroom the grunts would get even less.:rotfl:

Gillian_Henley

I think you should keep the computer downstairs for as long as possible. In a room separate from the living room. Tell your child that a computer is a essentially a tool. If he gets to the !!!!!! stage when he's older and the machine is in his room - well, it won't kill him.:o

Fran

Yes if she's saved for it she can have a laptop. However she has to learn to maintain it re security etc. herself. It goes in a public area of the house.