MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Can kids buy anything they want?

gelato_cat

At the age of 13, some children aren't mature enough to judge what is normal and what isn't. What if someone gains the child's trust and slowly starts abusing it and it gets too far before the child has a chance to notice?

Anyway, we digress. My original feeling was that children should spend more time with their families and there is no need for TVs, computers etc to be in the child's bedroom - the family should share. Added to this, I don't think most children of 13 are mature enough to use the Internet responsibly, esp if it's likely they'll circumvent the locks put on.

Suze

november wrote:

With all due respect to the victims the article says "a victim described her ordeal as 'internet rape', another felt she was being 'stalked'. He tried to blackmail them into sending more pictures of themselves."

It also says a 14 year old girl told her parents which is why he was found out.

My daughter, I am pretty sure, would have been that 14 year old girl. The person she 'shopped' to me used ONE inappropriate pretty mild term and she was able to judge it was wise to tell me.

The only way you cannot tell someone is dodgy is when they haven't done anything at all and if they haven't done anything at all then is any harm done? As soon as the signs appear they are dodgy if a child reports it no harm is done. For them to be able to do this you have to educate them as to what is 'dodgy' behaviour before you leave them alone with the internet.

IMHO my children are learning how to deal with it before they leave home etc. When you are away at uni you can still be vulnerable to 'dodgy' people so, harsh as it may seem, better to learn about it while you are still at home.

I agree with littleange - I think the positives outweigh the negatives.

The most important thing at the end of the day is that your children know they can come to you if they are in trouble or think they may be in trouble and you will help them. I trust mine to do that. I know they do that. Even if THEY have done something stupid I want to know especially if its led to a dangerous situation. I trust them and from my perspective it works - I now have a 17 yr old who is responsible, street wise and as open with me as I would wish.

gelato_cat

I agree with all but your first statement. Once the child becomes an adult then fine - be friends, go clubbing together, whatever. Up until then, what the parent says goes. By all means listen to the child, but you wouldn't make friends with a person of that age who wasn't your own, would you?

Suze

littleange_com wrote:

:eek: I'd say being friends with your child is a requirement of being a parent. Treat them like a human being with their own ideas and opinions, not just someone you just tell what to do. You need to listen to your kids.

Mikiec

I haven't read through all the posts so apologises if someone has already mentioned this:

Allow them to get a laptop a with wifi or whatever, but do not allow direct access to the internet. Instead have a second PC with wifi which the child then accesses the internet through! This takes a bit of setting up but the second PC does not have to be an ultra gaming machine, it doesn't even have to have a screen once configured.

All you have to do is use some management software to restrict certain access to certain sites and away you go. The child thinks he can do whatever he wants but you know better.

Software such as IPcop is basically completely free and runs Linux instead of windows (also free) so all you need is a £150 - £300 pc and away you go!

JayD

Sorry, I'd agree to them buying the laptop but insist that it can only be used online where it can be supervised. Any offline activity in the bedroom is fine (word processing, game playing etc). Children are too precious to allow them to put themselves at risk.

Drummergirl_2

JayD wrote:

Sorry, I'd agree to them buying the laptop but insist that it can only be used online where it can be supervised. Any offline activity in the bedroom is fine (word processing, game playing etc). Children are too precious to allow them to put themselves at risk.

I agree. If parental controls can't be trusted to keep your child safe then you must do what you can for them. I don't think trusting the child is the whole issue here either as seems to get fair mention throughout this forum. It's surely also about what harm can reach your child through their innocence as well as harmful information they can reach for themselves. I just don't think you can prepare a child well enough for todays issues. Especially when even raising such subjects can be considered abusive in itself if its taken the wrong way or shared out of context.

stackhouse

My 11yr old son recently came into an inheritance and we allowed him to spend some of his money on something sensible of his choice - he chose a lap top - to do his homework on as he could never get on the home PC!
We have had wifi installed and I sorted out an email and msn account for him. He's not particularly IT savvy - well not yet anyway. I have allowed him to take it into his bedroom - mostly to get away from his younger annoying brother but also because I should be able to trust what he is getting upto. He also really values his own space and why shouldn't he have it? At the moment I worry more about the time he spends on it than what he does and will probably end up passwording it to prevent him accessing it when I'm not around. He is, however, a very active child and would usually be outside with a ball of some type so he is not one to game 24/7 (I wouldn't let him anyway).
I have also talked to him about possible dangers and will go into this more as he gets older. I'm pretty openminded so am not particularly worried about him accessing !!!!!! - and hopefully being able to discuss it afterwards.
I am not a naive person - I'm-ex child protection so know what sort of things people will do - and believe that educating children and talking to them is a more productive way of protecting them rather than hiding them from all the bad stuff. Easier to recognise danger if you know about it in the first place!

Mics_chick

I would have to say no because of my fears of 'grooming' by online paedophiles. I know that this is supposed to be rarer than is reported in the media but I couldn't live with myself if something happened to one of my kids as a result of this.
I would have to try to get them interested in buying something else they would like by promising to match whatever they put into it £ for £.

My kids are both under 4 so I don't have to worry about this for a long time yet... thank goodness!

rubix_76

Mics_chick wrote:

I would have to say no because of my fears of 'grooming' by online paedophiles. I know that this is supposed to be rarer than is reported in the media but I couldn't live with myself if something happened to one of my kids as a result of this.

This is not a personal attack on you Mics_chick but you can't wrap your kids up in cotton wool all their lives. Would you feel bad if they were to get hit by a car as you "didn't warn them enough about road safety".

Like most things in life we all learn by our mistakes, adults too. I know I certainly do !!! This experience can be good or bad, but we all must learn no matter how much our more experienced elders (or parents) tell us.

I agree with stackhouse, trust is the key here. I think parents of the "little s**ts" that are always in trouble of these days need to respect themselves, then try respecting their kids. The way I have heard some parents talking to their kids like they are dirt, it is no wonder they end up hating their parents (and everyone else for that matter) :mad: . If you can respect all around you (whether you agree with them or not) then trust can come alot easier.

Ok, the soap-box is now available for anyone else wanting to use it :T