MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Can kids buy anything they want?

gelato_cat

There are laws governing what can be published in magazines though.

On the Internet, anything goes...

Suze

pjayt wrote:

Thinking back to 1978 - 82, my formative years, living in middle class suburban England. I was not an overtly inquisitive teenager but I new where and how to get access to a lot of stuff that my parents would have gone apoplectic over had they known. 'Magazines' at school as I recall where quite the money spinner for some of my more enterprising peers.

gelato_cat

Not the same thing.

If you had a child, would you allow them to watch anything they wanted on TV? That's a closer comparison I think.

Suze

Darksun wrote:

I think that installing monitoring software on a computer without informing your child is disgraceful and undermines any kind of trustful relationship. Would you think it appropriate to place a bug on your childs clothing so you could monitor all their conversations while at school.

gelato_cat

Alechjo wrote:

The question is definitely a difficult one. I am almost 25 and almost a father. I spend a lot of time with a computer in my study, while my wife has a laptop in another room, so I am afraid there is no way for us to forbid our future children to have theirs this way too.

Erm, why not? If you can't set the rules in your own house then it's come to a sorry state of affairs.

Alechjo wrote:

Computers and Internet are an essential part of today's life, and what is the difference between real life and computer life?

You can buy/look at anything you want on the Internet. If you wanted to go out and find those things, it would be a lot more difficult.

Suze

gelato_cat

What if she doesn't realise they're dodgy though?

This was in the news this week: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/derbyshire/6133360.stm

Suze

november wrote:

IMHO I am protecting my children by teaching them about something, letting them do it, and being there (admitedly in the house rather than the room) if they have problems. This has been backed up by the fact my DD has had internet access in her room for 2 years, following internet access in a communal place. The one time she did get someone 'dodgy' on MSM she called me and I dealt with them and blocked them.

littleange

You've gotta let your kids learn things for themselves, good and bad - same with everyone - you have to learn things for yourself and sometimes, unfortunately the hard way.

You can't protect them from everything, and if you did I guess they wouldn't be allowed out or to do anything and would probably have a pretty miserable life.

I don't think the internet is as bad as you are all making it out to be, I'd say the positives far out weigh the negatives, and after all how much danger can your kids possibily be in if they are in the safe enviroment of your home whilst exploring things.

V_Chic_Chick

I'm 14, and I have been using the internet for most of my life (but really since I was 9 or 10). I have never had content filtered, because my parents trust me. I also don't feel the need to go and look at those sites that most of you are worried about.

Be aware that web filters will often block anything that critises that web filter (netnanny springs to mind on this one). We have inty web filter at school and it blocks out a lot of really quite harmless things (like youtube) but, although we're not meant to go on chat / messaging websites, I can come on here (even though the word forums is in the URL) and the entire ezboard network (which is all forums) without any hint of a block.

november

Suzey wrote:

What if she doesn't realise they're dodgy though?

This was in the news this week: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/derbyshire/6133360.stm

Suze

With all due respect to the victims the article says "a victim described her ordeal as 'internet rape', another felt she was being 'stalked'. He tried to blackmail them into sending more pictures of themselves."

It also says a 14 year old girl told her parents which is why he was found out.

My daughter, I am pretty sure, would have been that 14 year old girl. The person she 'shopped' to me used ONE inappropriate pretty mild term and she was able to judge it was wise to tell me.

The only way you cannot tell someone is dodgy is when they haven't done anything at all and if they haven't done anything at all then is any harm done? As soon as the signs appear they are dodgy if a child reports it no harm is done. For them to be able to do this you have to educate them as to what is 'dodgy' behaviour before you leave them alone with the internet.

IMHO my children are learning how to deal with it before they leave home etc. When you are away at uni you can still be vulnerable to 'dodgy' people so, harsh as it may seem, better to learn about it while you are still at home.

I agree with littleange - I think the positives outweigh the negatives.

The most important thing at the end of the day is that your children know they can come to you if they are in trouble or think they may be in trouble and you will help them. I trust mine to do that. I know they do that. Even if THEY have done something stupid I want to know especially if its led to a dangerous situation. I trust them and from my perspective it works - I now have a 17 yr old who is responsible, street wise and as open with me as I would wish.

Drummergirl_2

Maybe the question to ask is this:
"Why is a thirteen year old so keen to have a laptop to use in their bedroom?"
Also if you suspect the child can and will bypass parental controls then maybe they are not mature enough to trust anyway.

Surprisingly, my nine year old was recently faced with the dilema of guessing my password. Then she openly admitted that it would be like taking the keys for someones house and letting yourself in. (Very mature for her years, I thought). But I still have parental controls!

Maybe the solution is to let him have the laptop in his room but no internet in there, that should be done in a more open area of the house.

sluggy1967

I suspect the real question here is, which parents have the courage to say no to their children, and which parents give in? I see it all the time, the children with no table manners because the parents don't see the importance of eating with them, the children with no social skills because their parents allow them to be rude, I get angry when I hear about people wanting to be "friends" with their kids. For God's sake get a life! Be friends with people your own age! Parent, don't Befriend! So what if your 13yr old throws a wobbly because they can't have a laptop or tv in their bedroom? They'll get over it in the next 10 yrs without it causing a major trauma in their lives!

littleange

:eek: I'd say being friends with your child is a requirement of being a parent. Treat them like a human being with their own ideas and opinions, not just someone you just tell what to do. You need to listen to your kids.

Today, I think children should be brought up using the internet as its such a big part of life these days, with you showing them how to use it - but by 13 they should be old enough to know how to use it by themselves.