MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Can kids buy anything they want?

buxtonrabbitgreen

It's a difficult one isn't it. My son had unrestricted internet access in his bedroom from 11 when he bought himself a desk top with an inheritence. We do talk to each other however and he even restricts his sisters access if he thinks she is using to much bandwidth or staying up too late and he is only 14. All this parental control stuff is too late for me as I only started using a computer that I was given earlir this year so he is 3 years ahead of me. When he first got the computer we talked about never giving out personal info on chat sites and never meeting anyone he met without me. So far it seems to be ok and to be honest as he knows so much more than me it is too late to worry.

sluggy1967

uc644800 wrote:

The point is not to trust or not the child. If he as saved money for a laptop thats Ok, but does it need to have it in his bedroom? The temptation of surfing the net in area not appropriate is greator in the privacy of their rooms away from their parents. Let be honest most of us have done similar things in our own time !

rather than to refuse the laptop , make a deal......you can have it , but not in your room !! That way both side should be happy. The child is truted, the parent authority is not undermind and mum and dad knows exactly what the child is surfing. After all if a child wants to do thing behind our back they`ll do it, but why given them the temptation when its not needed.

a caring parent

I have a 3 yr old, so hopefully this dilemma is a little way off, but both myself & my husband have already discussed the way we want our son to behave and grow up in our home & agree that a bedroom is NO place for not just computers, but tvs & playstations as well. Parenting shouldn't be about simply issuing "diktats", but there is a time for discussing and compromising on issues and a time for parenting teenages.

sluggy1967

Darksun wrote:

I think that installing monitoring software on a computer without informing your child is disgraceful and undermines any kind of trustful relationship. Would you think it appropriate to place a bug on your childs clothing so you could monitor all their conversations while at school.

Personally, I think I probably would place a bug on my child's clothing to monitor all conversations at school if there was a high chance of them getting friendly with a paedophile posing as a teenager whilst there!

If I had a teenager looking at naked women on the internet I would think it was normal lad's curiosity - my husband had naughty mags in his day at that age - we didn't have such technology in those days and the internet has simply replaced the top shelf. I would smile and think nothing of it. However, there is no getting away from the risk posed to teens who innocently chat away to people who may have very sinister motives. It comes down to simple parental protection.

suchard007

:eek: Absolutely NO - think I must be a tyrant of a mother. We are lucky enough to have 2 TVs in our house - one in the lounge and one in a family room. My children have always asked at regular intervals for one in their bedrooms - but even with our eldest now 20 I've still said NO !!!! Computers in rooms would be even worse. I like to think of our home as a family one - we all get a say on what we watch on 'the box' - and the computer is central so we're all still part of an interactive family - there's usually times when the house is quiet enough for us all to have 'private' moments on the computer if we needs to. Sorry, if I'm a bit of a kill joy - but I know I'd never see my family again if they all had all these bits of technology in their bedrooms.:D

sluggy1967

Suchard007 - you are not a tyrant of a mother, you're the best sort of mother!

juliemhynd

Have you been speaking to my daughter? I have exactly this dilemma to deal with in the new year. My 13 yr old daughter has been saving like made for a state of the art laptop - she's a pc genius (sitting her ICT GCSE early and even applying for higher ed. quals). As an ex-IT Tutor she leaves me standing! We've agreed she can have the laptop but without unlimited Internet access - she will have to link in to the living room internet socket if she wants to do any surfing. As an intelligent 13 yr old she has agreed to these terms. Whether or not she will try to 'test' these limitations when the time comes, remains to be seen. As parents, our job is to protect our children and I will do my best to do that - even in the face of teenage tantrums! Of course, all parents should take it upon themseves to train in the art of internet espionage - in other words, learn how to trace their contacts, searches, chats, etc. It can be done! After all, what they don't know can't hurt them!

littleange

suchard007 wrote:

:eek: Absolutely NO - think I must be a tyrant of a mother. We are lucky enough to have 2 TVs in our house - one in the lounge and one in a family room. My children have always asked at regular intervals for one in their bedrooms - but even with our eldest now 20 I've still said NO !!!! Computers in rooms would be even worse. I like to think of our home as a family one - we all get a say on what we watch on 'the box' - and the computer is central so we're all still part of an interactive family - there's usually times when the house is quiet enough for us all to have 'private' moments on the computer if we needs to. Sorry, if I'm a bit of a kill joy - but I know I'd never see my family again if they all had all these bits of technology in their bedrooms.:D

:eek: No offence, but I'm glad your not my mum hehe - everyone needs their own space - especially at 20 - I moved out at 18 - needed my own space then!

gelato_cat

Nope.

Yes, it is the child's cash, but it doesn't mean they can buy what they want with it. Forgetting the laptop for a minute, there are laws which prevent them from buying certain things, for a start: alcohol and cigarettes for instance. And would the parent be happy for the child to be buying adult mags with their pocket money? It's not beyond the realms of possibility that a 13-year-old would look at p*rn sites on the Internet after all.

I disagree with the posters who said that the child has shown enough maturity by saving. Yes, this does show some degree of maturity but how many of us thought we knew everything when we were in our teens? A 13-year-old is still a child, they're still easily led and they're still curious. H*ll, there are 30-year-old men in responsible jobs who look at dodgy things on the Internet!

Martin hasn't specified what the child would use the laptop for (ie if the child's arguing it would be for schoolwork) but I wouldn't have thought there'd be a problem with having the computer in a communal area. That way, the parents can keep an eye on the kid and get involved in the homework and suchlike. When I was a kid, I wasn't even allowed a TV in my own room - we'd sit and watch as a family or go into my parents' room. I moved out when I was 19 and I don't have a TV in my bedroom now! My TV and computer are both in the front room

Suze

MSE_Martin wrote:

This week's Money Moral Dilemma

A 13-year-old wants to buy a laptop to have internet access directly in their room. (S)he's saved up for it with pocket money and doing odd jobs. Their parents are concerned about unfettered web access (and the kid’s smart enough that they could work round any child protection). However, they’ve worked hard and diligently saved and argue it’s their cash. Should they be free to?

Click reply to enter the money moral maze

Please remember, be polite to other MoneySavers, even if you disagree with them

Alechjo

The question is definitely a difficult one. I am almost 25 and almost a father. I spend a lot of time with a computer in my study, while my wife has a laptop in another room, so I am afraid there is no way for us to forbid our future children to have theirs this way too. Computers and Internet are an essential part of today's life, and what is the difference between real life and computer life? If you know little about computers and Internet you might be afraid of unknown, but the perils of life are all the same, IT is just a tool. My parents were overprotecting me and judging from my own experience, a teenager would do the same anyway, but you can add a lot of stress and guilt by being terrified by you-do-not-know-what. Honestly, after reading some of the previous posts for a moment I felt afraid of the Internet myself! Understanding is the key, any other approach would lead to mistrust.

Another thing - I believe that parents must, absolutely, must help the young person to find the right balance and not substitute one's real life with virtual. Unfortunately, teenagers usually find themselves in virtual reality when they are unable to find parents' support and understanding in real life. So, if a teenager is so obsessed with the desire to have a laptop and Internet all for themselves - is it keeping up with the Internet age or is it trying to get out of the `real' world by gaming, surfing, chatting? What other approach they can think of if you forbid this one?

It is relatively easy to theorize on this matter, but I know very few people whose parents were really nice and supportive. Usually there are two extreme scenarios: forget about the child needs and be driven only by own desires, views and ideas. Another (my case) is being overprotective and overcautious, afraid of everything, which is as egoistic as the first one, just they are driven by fear for the `baby' 5-10 years older than they think :mad: .

Just be good friends with your children!

Kate_E_2

Think yourselves lucky - I am having the same conversation with my four year old! I have decided to buy a family laptop which she can use with supervision.