Minniepoos: New Year - New Life (and it's GONNA be good!)

minniepoos_2

Just a quick update today. I'd forgotten how tiring it is working a full-time job on top of everything else! And having to get up at half 5 has been a bit of a shock to the system :eek: I wouldn't change it though - just so grateful to be working again.

I've spent my lunch breaks telling the various people about my change in circumstances, tax credits, free school dinners, CCCS, etc etc..... Very tedious, but has to be done. I've had to move banks AGAIN as Egg have transferred my CC debt to Barclays. How inconsiderate!! So I've opened accounts at the Co-op bank this time, and just have to hope that they don't take on any of my debts now.

I just need to find out how much in tax credits and housing benefit I'll be getting, then I can do a new budget for the CCCS. I need to estimate how much I will spend on petrol each month though - I've got no idea how economical my car is. I know I could fill it up and see how many miles I get to a tank, but I can never afford to fill it up in one go at the minute. But I do 40 miles a day just getting to work and back, so it's gonna be quite a high figure. Actually I am a bit worried about how high that figure will be - I wasn't working for July and August (and didn't really go out as was skint lol), but still managed to spend £170 in July and £146 in August, just on petrol :eek: So I'm guessing it's gonna be a very scary figure for this month....

Right. Have more to say, but need to get some sleep. Night all

girlatplay

Once you have been paid a couple of times and everything else gets sorted out you will be able to do a new budget and get yourself back on track. I found it was a bit of a nightmare trying to get it all to work until I had been paid and knew where I was. You are doing so well though :T

xx

minniepoos_2

God, what an awful evening. Just gonna have a rant, get it off my chest, then get to bed. Wanted to be in bed an hour ago, but too tense.

XOH popped round earlier to drop off one of DDs school books she'd left at his. That was the official reason. The actual reason seemed to be to tell me what a bad mother I am, how I'm abandoning "his" daughter, and to shout in my face that I'm a "f*****g b***h". He was so angry - mainly that I didn't ask his permission before leaving DD home alone for about 45 mins before school and about 25 mins after. But HE REFUSED TO HAVE HER AFTER SCHOOL AS IT WAS "TAKING ADVANTAGE" OF HIS SKANKY GF!!!!:mad::mad::mad: It's working really well - my neighbours have been great about offering DD somewhere to go if she's lonely, or whatever, and my next door neighbour has said if she ever misses the bus she'll drive her to school. It's all organised, but no - because I didn't ask him, that makes me a bad mum. At one point he had his foot wedges in the door and refused to leave. I've never been scared of him before This is horrible. I didn't ask him as he made his feeling perfectly clear. She lives with me, and as such it's my responsibility to organise her care. I tried to get part time school hours work, but that's an impossible task. I'm doing the best I damn well can.

And if that wasn't enough....I'd been kind of seeing someone. Only for a month or so, but he was really nice. Smart, funny - kind too. His wife left him a few years ago - just went, left him with their daughter, and left the country. Hadn't been seen since. I found out today - she showed up this weekend. Wants to try again. And as much as he hates what she did, he still loves her. So that's that then. Absolutely gutted.

I find it pathetic that the only thing I look forward to is going to work

Bad day. Please god let things look better in the morning

girlatplay

Aww minniepoos, sorry you had such a bad day yesterday.

First, why would you have to ask XOH's permission for anything? The clue is in his name - XOH. He is X for a reason.

Second, the law purposefully does not state an age for leaving children in the house on their own as it is up to the parents' discretion as to whether or not they think their child is responsible enough to be left alone. Does XOH think he is above the law? You are the one with full time parental responsibility. You get to make the decisions that have an immediate effect on you and DD.

Third, you are abandoning his daughter??? Correct me if I am wrong but was it not him that had the affair, therefore abandoning his family?? Also, he refused to have her after school. Regardless of whether or not it is him or the skank that is looking after her, to refuse to have her - is that not touching on the abandonment issue?

Grrrrrr, sorry for the rant. Makes me mad so it does. You are doing great! Don't let him drag you back down again.

Sorry about the guy you were seeing. Everything just seems to happen at once for you.

Focus on you and DD and your future together. Good things happen when you least expect them.

Chin up

(((hugs)))

xx

minniepoos_2

It's been a while since I last posted. I've been taking some time to focus on me, and nothing else. Not sure if it's helped or not, but here I am

Things with the bloke I was seeing got a bit weird. He kept texting, asking to see me. In the end I asked him not to, and finally he stopped. Ashamed to say I miss them, but I'm not going to text-flirt with a married man.

The divorce papers have been written up I've sent proof of my incomings/outgoings with the fee referral form to see how much I have to pay. Fingers crossed it's not much. Just want it all to be done. XOH was adamant that he didn't commit adultery :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:and he said ages ago that he would fight it if I try to divorce him on those grounds. So, I talked it through with the solicitor and he recommended citing unreasonable behaviour. The thing neither me or XOH knew though, is that you have to give several examples of the unreasonsable behaviour.... He's NOT going to like it. But actually seeing the reasons there in black and white, has made me see even more clearly what a control freak he was, and how much of a mug I was to put up with it all! Not looking forward to him getting the papers - I'm sure he's going to kick off about it. Got to be done though.

Good news though - my solicitor doesn't think XOH has a hope in hell of making me take on some of his CC debts. The worst that can happen if that he gets all the equity in the house, but to be honest, that's only going to be about £3000, and technically he advanced me £1500 when he wanted to move back in (for my rent in advance etc), so that's absolutely fine with me. We have to go to mediation though, to talk it through (or I won't get Legal Aid). Hope he doesn't show up.

DD has a school trip next June, to Normandy for a week. She badly wanted to go, so I told XOH about it, and he agreed we could pay half each (which I can just about manage by then). We (together) told DD, and booked her place with the school. Then, the next day, he texts me to say he can't afford it :mad: (suspiciously after he's told the skank about it). I let DD read the text, but I've told her I'll find the money. It'll be bloody tight, but I'm not going to let him keep letting her down like this. £310 in total, I can pay £100 out of my wages at the end of this month, then spread the rest out.

So. No more asking him to help out with big things for DD then. To be honest, the less contact I have with him the happier I am.

The job is still going well. Nice place, lovely people. I think all my benefits have settled down now too, so as soon as I get paid I'll upate my CCCS budget.

My electricity meter isn't working properly. Not sure if I've posted about it before, but all my usage goes through on the cheap night rate. nPower know about it - they phoned me up to read the meter, boil the kettle, then read the meter again, but this was months ago and they haven't looked at it yet Every time I phone in my meter readings I get nervous, but it's been 3 times now and still ok :T

Can't remember what else I was going to update on here, but my lunch break is over anyway, so if I think of it I'll be back tonight.

Sorry it was soooo loooong!

MP x

minniepoos_2

There was more I was going to say from my last post, but I've been either flat out working, studying or sleeping!

My poor cat (not the 3 legged one) had to be put down last week. He's been missing for about 10 days, then came back with a massively swollen stomach. I took him straight to the vets, but he was in so much pain, and was so old already that the best thing was for him to be put down. Totally gutted - I'd had him 14 years, he was part of the family. But at least he's not in pain now.

I've been looking at my spending on my spreadsheet, and somehow this month I've spent £400 more than what I've had coming in. But I've not run out of money or borrowed from anywhere. Not sure how the figures can be right - I've checked and double-checked, but it seems right. I've spent more this month - what with working (lots of petrol) and DDs birthday etc, but how can I have spent £400 too much and still not run out of money???! Best I have another look at it later.....

I've spent about £266 on petrol this month :eek: My CCCS budget says I should spend £125 - but I'm going to be updating that after payday (this Monday ).

And for some reason my housing benefit has changed again. I got a letter last week saying I would get about £80 every 4 weeks. Then this week (after no changes whatsoever) I get a letter saying it's going to £46 per 4 wks. Not sure what the changes are based on. I'd phone them and query it, but I have to send my payslip in next week, so it's sure to change again.... Annoying though, as I'd finished the incomings bit of my budget.

DD is away this week - XOH and the skank have booked a caravan away. DD wasn't looking forward to it, but we've spoken on the phone and she's ok. I miss her loads though.

But...to perk me up, I've got a friend coming round for dinner tonight. The deal is - I cook and he treats me to the cinema (Orange Wednesday of course ).

Right....must do some work....

girlatplay

Have a lovely evening

minniepoos_2

Thanks, I had a great evening. Although we saw Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, and to be honest it was a bit dull. But was good to be in good company.

I've made a decision I should have made a year ago or more. I'm going to stop trying so damn hard to keep the peace with XOH. Stop bending to accommodate all his demands. He's been really angry at me this week, purely because my solicitor has written to him to request pay slips, and to get him, to have the house valued by 3 independent agents. Suddenly he's not in control of everything, and he hates it. He phoned me up, all shouty and rude, saying he won't have the house valued as he knows it's worth at least £15,000 more than what it was as he's done loads of work on it (he must have made that figure up - no way could plastering, decorating and re-doing the bathroom add that much! :rotfl:), and he's adamant that I can't have any of that £15,000. I was happy to let him get the house, and for me to write off whatever I may have been due, but sod it. He's been nasty one too many times. Maybe I'll still end up with nothing - I don't even care about that - I just want him to know that it's not all his way any more.

So I've emailed him saying that any further questions etc regarding finances or the house should be addressed solely to my solicitor. I also said that from now on we will only speak on the phone in absolute emergencies - a text if it's brief, or an email. Or even a letter! I need to get myself back in control - crazy that I've let him dictate so much over the last 18 months.

I had another evening with my cinema buddy - this time I went to his, he cooked and we watched 2 terrible films and nattered all the way through them. I crashed at his, we watched telly in bed for a bit (we always sleep in the same bed - I think we both miss having someone there), and he's a real cuddler, so he cuddled me while I fell asleep. Honestly - every single girl should have a friend like him - he's good for the soul

I was talked into having a candle party at mine, so I have 8 or 9 people coming round tomorrow evening. Had to spend a little on wine and very cheap nibbles, but it should be a nice girly evening. The stuff is so expensive though - I won't be buying anything!

Still waiting to see what proportion of the Court fees I'll have to pay. I estimate it'll come out at about £160, but hopefully I'll know for sure soon. I think I'll have to borrow it off of my folks (after the school trip mess), but once they know what it's for, they'll be throwing money at me :rotfl:

I feel better than I have for a long time.

girlatplay

Woo woo woo :j Nice positive post! My XOH used to dictate to me until one day I woke up and decided not to take it anymore. (Ok, there was a little more to it than that but still...)

That will be nice to have a girly evening. Even if you can't get anything, it is nice to have the girlies around Have a good evening.

xx

minniepoos_2

Thought I'd better drop in - all is still good though, I still feel better than I have for ages, and more determined than ever to get everything back on track.

Got some good news today - received a letter from the Housing Benefit people, and not only have they upped my HB to £173 per 4wks, but they've also realised that they shouldn't have cut it by over a half last month, so will make up the shortfall this month And that means I'll have a little to spend on DD for christmas

The candle party went really well. There was 8 people + me in the end, and between them they spent £250! I couldn't believe it - I'd told everyone not to feel like they HAD to buy anything, but I have to admit, the stuff is lovely. So I got £25 to spend - which was just enough for a candle holder I really wanted

I'm on my own this weekend, DD is at her Dads. Normally I don't enjoy my own company, but it's been a really nice afternoon & evening. I've sorted out loads of paperwork, done some housework and caught up with the Sky+. Tomorrow I might make some scones for the freezer (damn hungry freezer in my house :rotfl:). I'm having a couple of weeks off carbs, but they'll do DD for pack ups. Might try to get some more bits on ebay tomorrow too, haven't done that for a while.

Caught up with an old friend today too - someone I used to work with until March this year, and not seen her since then. Had a lovely natter - and everything she said about the company we worked for made me glad I'd left the when I did, despite the bleak job situation this year.

Right....early night with my hot water bottle

MP x