2011...............and I'm still learning!

weeclick

Snowdonlily wrote: »

Thanks weeclick - I've just had a lovely hot bath and a piece of chocolate cake (not at the same time ).

Feeling much better now

My attitude to money has changed completely in the past year. Its funny how it occupies most of my thoughts these days, but when I was spending like water, I never gave it a second thought!

Just caught up with your thread, you're doing really well with your ebay items.......good for you :T

Hope you get the car sorted.

Been doing some more surveys this morning and am just over halfway to another voucher with Toluna :T

My favourite movie star is on tv tonight.......Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom is about to start. Watching Harrison Ford always cheers me up!

Awww poo to you for mentioning chocolate AND cake!! GRRR not helping my diet lol at least it helped you though!

Snowdonlily

Hi spendtoomuch - really nice to hear from you again :wave:

Life has changed a LOT in the last six months, things came to a head in the Summer and I left. DS1 and DS2 are now both at Uni. DS1 doing his masters, really proud of them both. DS3 is still with his father. It broke my heart (and still does every day) to leave without him, but his schooling had to come first - he has his GCSEs in a few months and if he came with me he'd have had to change schools. I'm currently living in a tiny, but very, very cold cottage in the middle of nowhere about 45 minutes drive from my old home. I had to put some distance between me and H to get my head sorted. I also have a BF (at my age :rotfl:). This is something very recent, but he's someone I've known as a friend for a long time.

My decree nisi was pronounced yesterday and I'm hoping that once everything is finalised, I should be able to buy myself a small house in my home town. I've used the mortgage calculator on here to work out how much I can borrow and I'm hoping I'll be able to get a small mortgage (fingers crossed!).

Things are a bit better on the money side of things, I've paid everything off apart from the HSBC Bank loan, which is on fixed payments for another 4 years. :T However, because I'm paying £450 rent at the moment, things are a bit tight so I'm ebaying anything that isn't nailed down. I've almost run out of stuff to ebay now tho' and as H is being awkward about letting me have the rest of my stuff I'll probably have to stop for a while once this last lot of stuff has sold.

How are things with you? I hope you and your family are all ok and had a fab christmas and New Year.

Weeclick - not just chocolate............but wine too! I've really blown the diet tonight!

Maman - Harrison did the trick, aided and abetted (spelling?) by a bottle of wine (3 for £10 at Mr T's before Christmas). I should probably stop now - BF picking me up for the gym at 9.30 :eek:

Karom - Thank you for the kind comments. I'm trying very hard not to let him provoke an argument because I know he gets a kick out of it, that's why I decided just to pay the Virgin Media bill. He's trying to be Mr Nice Guy with everyone at the moment, but I know he won't be able to keep it up.

I don't believe I'm saying this, but I can't wait to go back to work! Two weeks off at home is too much!

Snowdonlily

Well, we've had a development today!

DS3 has rugby practice on Thursdays, so I always meet him after school for tea at my parents house, then we have a couple of hours before he has to go to training.

Today, he'd come without his kit, so he asked me to take him home to pick up his gear. I phoned H to make sure that was ok, and he said that would be a great idea 'cos he has bags of stuff ready for me to pick up.

He had most of my paperbacks in bags ready to go, but all my nice hard backs are still on the shelves. He's decided to start reading and I can have the rest of them when he's finished with them! In 22 years of marriage I've never seen him read a book!

He handed over the paperbacks and two binliners full of my shoes and handbags and said that if he sees them on ebay he wants half of the proceeds.............can you believe that man!? He's been watching my ebay account and knows I sold a bracelet he gave me for my birthday. That sounds like stalking in my book :mad:

This is from a man on £45k+ a year.

So that's put paid to any extra money I was making on ebay unless I open a new account and start from scratch. I have 700+ positive feedback on my account and all my DSRs are 4.9. I don't know what to do for the best - do I lie low on ebay till after the divorce is finalised or carry on regardless?

I really need the money and hate the way he's still trying to dictate how I live. I got into debt when I was with him 'cos I was buying stuff to try and make myself feel better. Of course now I know it doesn't work like that, and its these purchases I've been selling on ebay. I'll be damned if I give him half the proceeds :mad:

Judging by tonight's conversation, he's going to make me fight for every penny!

Sorry about the rant, I had to get that off my chest.

My other piece of news is that I'm having an "informal chat" with a mortgage broker tomorrow, to see what my options are. Hopefully, I'll soon be a "mortgage free wannabe".

Surprisingly today has been a NSD and I have bids on two more items on ebay adding to about £25. I'll have to think very carefully about listing any more after this lot have finished.

Hope everyone else had a good NSD x

spendtoomuch

Hi Snowdonlily, you are an inspiration and very brave. He sounds like a bully to me, they are your belongings and if you want to sell them then sell them!! He is not entitled to half and he cannot dictate to you. What a greedy sod, he knows you must be struggling on your own. Still what goes around comes around so rise above it.

Good news on BF, of course you are not too old!!! Your boys are grown up now and your life is for living and you deserve happiness. Good luck with the mortgage broker.

We are all fine, spent too much at Christmas and am being very disciplined now to pay it back and desperately trying to lose weight too!!

xx

maman

Hi SW

I'd have a quick chat with your solicitor if I were you. Surely once something's given as a gift or is obviously yours (they aren't his handbags !!!!!!:mad:) I'd have thought you can do what you please with them. Isn't lots of the stuff things you're paying off the debts for? Check before you give in to him.

Isn't it amazing how horrible people can be! I had a very similar situation with my ex many, many years ago. We split up because we'd grown apart. I was doing lots of studying (which he was always ridiculing and criticising) and he just wanted to go to the pub. He had a decent job and the qualifications to go with it but he had no intention of going any further. I found his lack of ambition very hard to understand. However, when I left he started doing evening classes! It didn't change my mind and maybe it was his way of admitting (at least to himself) that he was wrong. There were lots of parallels with what's happening to you but you'll be pleased to know it all worked out for me in the end, as it will for you.:)

weeclick

I agree with the above have a chat with your solicitor - what he is saying is just wrong, theres no way he can get away with it and it is stalking! I would be a bit creeped out if an ex was checking my online accounts! Hope things settle for you soon but certainly make sure he knows where he stands!

Snowdonlily

Today's one of those days when I feel like I should be doing something but I don't really know what!

I should go to the gym but can't really be bothered.

I'm back at work on Wednesday so I 'spose I should make the most of being lazy while I can.

Had an expensive day yesterday. I took DS3 to Cheshire Oaks to kit him out for his skiing trip. Most of this was budgeted for but a few things had to go on my credit card. I'm really fed up about this, but the equipment cost more than I expected. The good bit is that he won't need any new clothes for months so I'm just trying to look at it like money I've spent "ahead of schedule"

DS3's GF tagged along with us so I got clobbered with an extra mouth to feed at lunchtime. Other than that it was a nice day, but very tiring.

I'm still really annoyed about this ebay thing. As Maman said, the stuff I've been ebaying is the stuff I bought when I was unhappy, the stuff that got me into debt - a debt that he didn't help me pay back by even a penny.

SEVEN days till payday and counting. Its a close one this month. I just want January over and done with so I can get all penny pinching again, and get back on the straight and narrow.

How hard would it be to open a new ebay account?

The mortgage broker was very encouraging. In principle I should be able to borrow up to £73,000. Imagine that - me with my own mortgage.......only a little one but how very grown up!

maman

Sorry but I don't do ebay so can't help with specifics but I think it's wrong that you should lose all your positive feedback because of ex. You may not feel like it but it's really worth checking out whether he has any right to expect half your money for selling your own stuff! I really can't see that myself. Also, I think you should be keeping a diary of his comments and behaviour in case he gets really nasty over the financial settlement. It would be evidence that he's treated you unfairly.

Glad you had a good day out with DS yesterday even if it was expensive. Presumably you've agreed to pay for all his clothes while ex feeds him? Lots of people on here set themselves separate budgets for clothes, food etc. I think it might be worth noting down what you spend on DS3. It's not that I want to be mercenary because it's good to treat him but you need to know how much you're spending for budget reasons but also so you can prove what you've contributed towards his keep.

Enjoy your last few days off. I like weeks like this because the weekend comes round more quickly when you get back to work.:)

weeclick

Just a quick question from me - could you maybe email ebay and explain the situation and rather than lose all your feedback etc then ask if they could change your name so you become unrecognised?

Snowdonlily

Hello Maman - I keep a track of every penny I spend on the boys. I can't help DS1 and 2 as much as I'd like but hopefully when the dust settles I'll be able to do more.

I also pay DS3's mobile phone contract which is £15 per month and give H money for his keep every month. Its quite a small amount at the moment, but at least its stopped him mentioning the CSA, which is what came up a few weeks before Christmas (for those who don't know H is on more than twice my wages). Again, once everything settles down I should be able to give him more. DS3 is applying for loads of apprenticeships, so I'm keeping everything crossed he gets accepted to do something he enjoys.

Just phoned DSs, 1 and 2 have exams starting on Monday so are busy revising. DS3 was watching a DVD in his room with two mates (H is apparently in the pub - where he always was on a Sunday, funny how some things never change).

Thanks weeclick - I'll look into that, I wonder if it would be possible just to change my ebay username? That would save a lot of trouble! Otherwise, I'll just have an "ebay rest" till the divorce is finalised

I'll be seeing my Sol sometime next week, so I'll see what she has to say about it.

I have to admit, the extra money I've made on ebay since the split, has been a lifeline. It more or less paid for Christmas.

BF coming round later - I phoned him to ask him to bring me a Toffee Crisp ( I know!! but I really fancy some chocolate :o)

Hope everyone has a good week x