Ex Partner wanting custody - help?!

delain

diesel70 wrote: »

Thank you for your reply!
Do you know what this order is that means my child can be taken straight off me to him untill a court case?

He knows the boys are my world and how much I love them and so knows one or both of them taken off me would hurt me. So I do think this is why there is the threats as he knows I wouldnt want to lose them so thinks by threating me I will give in. Which I really dont want to do as I shouldnt have to give in! He has him every second sunday, although missed 2 in a row as he was out the night before and wanted to drink so used the excuse of "you wouldnt want me picking him up while still under the influence would you" whereas if that was me I would rather see my child than have a night out which meant I couldnt drive 40 miles the next morning to pick them up!
We stay 40 miles away now since he moved out so its not like we are 5mins away from each other. So to up my child to move there while I am here is no good. Esp as he will be starting nursery in about a year.

There is no such court order, but I would go and get a free half hour of legal advice today.

You would more han likely be entitled to legal aid and as peole hjave said he cours take a dim view of bullying. I should know I've been going through the family court system 5 years now and no end in sight.

balletshoes

diesel70 wrote: »

Thank you for your reply!
Do you know what this order is that means my child can be taken straight off me to him untill a court case?

He knows the boys are my world and how much I love them and so knows one or both of them taken off me would hurt me. So I do think this is why there is the threats as he knows I wouldnt want to lose them so thinks by threating me I will give in. Which I really dont want to do as I shouldnt have to give in!
He has him every second sunday, although missed 2 in a row as he was out the night before and wanted to drink so used the excuse of "you wouldnt want me picking him up while still under the influence would you"
whereas if that was me I would rather see my child than have a night out which meant I couldnt drive 40 miles the next morning to pick them up!
We stay 40 miles away now since he moved out so its not like we are 5mins away from each other. So to up my child to move there while I am here is no good. Esp as he will be starting nursery in about a year.

start keeping a log/diary of every time your ex says stuff like this, doesn't use his access days, anything he says or does which is about his son and which you construe as threatening/bullying behaviour.

who does what hours at work won't necessarily come into the equation, as many parents with sole custody of their children work long hours to support them.

The best interests of the child is what the courts are concerned with, and if you are coping and caring for your children and always have, and they are happy in your care, your ex won't get residency, and won't be able to get any kind of order from the courts to take your child away, straightaway or otherwise. But you need to be prepared for the court, so get keeping that log, and see a good solicitor.

ecgirl07

diesel70 wrote: »

There was no talk of custody again untill today when I said he isnt getting him for xmas day as a saturday is my day anyway and he said hes going for custody again and unless he is there all xmas day I can say goodbye to him!


Thanks!

If he has not been talking about custody recently is it possible he has reacted immaturely to beign told he is not getting his son on christmas day? Can you reach a compromise on christmas day so that he does see his son even for a couple hours? i realise this post is swimming against the tide of opinion on the thread but it is a fair point to consider.

balletshoes

ecgirl07 wrote: »

If he has not been talking about custody recently is it possible he has reacted immaturely to beign told he is not getting his son on christmas day? Can you reach a compromise on christmas day so that he does see his son even for a couple hours? i realise this post is swimming against the tide of opinion on the thread but it is a fair point to consider.

I have to agree with this in part - my brother and his ex are going through this right now, she has no access on Saturdays usually but they have compromised on Christmas Day (lets face it, its not just a bog-standard Saturday is it). My niece will be with her mum for 5 or 6 hours on Christmas Day, then will be home with her dad from late afternoon. So she'll be at home to open her pressies from Santa in the morning, and then home again when we all get together for Christmas dinner.

Steel_2

Deisal - just what does your ex have planned for Christmas Day?

I wonder if he is on his own and trying to bully you into him being at yours all day just like old times. He gets a warm place to stay that day and you end up cooking and running round after him like old times.

As others have said, he's using you and bullying you.

Call the silly sod's bluff.

I suspect he's lonely and is coming on aggressive because he realises he's got nobody on Christmas Day. Doesn't excuse his nastiness and threats though.

Why not tell him to pick up his kids Christmas Day afternoon after lunch and then perhaps they can go with his Dad to see relatives if any live nearby? That way you might be able to judge from his reaction whether it's about seeing his kids or him getting some company and a free feed on Christmas Day.

sp1987

Only one of the children is his so you already have the upper hand beyond any of the 'mothers are preferred' or 'you have more time for them' debates is raised. You have (excluding the joint child) a child living with you who is the sibling of the joint child. No court is going to want to split those two. He's not going to get custody of a child that isn't his, the same way that I won't get custody of your other child (as lovely as I'm sure he is!).

Tell him you are prepared to hear from his solicitor if he would like to discuss arrangements formally. He won't be allowed to talk from his bum under the name of someone who has to give correct legal advice and he won't want to pay £200 an hour to tell you what we've already told you.

He is preying on your naiveity on this one. He obviously knows you don't know the law and so he is making it up to suit him. Let him carry on. If you must respond to his texts, be polite and ask for him to forward his concerns in writing/from his solicitor. After a while he will get bored of reading the same reply.

Get some proper legal advice.

If it were me I know I wouldn't be able to help myself from asking for his solicitor's details so my solicitor could contact his solicitor. I'll bet anything he doesn't have one.

Plus, keep good records of everything that happens. It will make you feel better too as you will know where you are and you'lkl be able to see on paper how unreasonable he is being.

yesican

He's the one depressing and bullying you!
Why do people get all nasty when a relationship ends?
Ive been a single parent for two years now,my ex tried to pull a fast one on me about full custody of our child and he forgot that in that time, he was sending me nasty txt messages and the lot.I saved all txts and i covered my behind by asking him three times to stop sending me nasty txt messages as he was clearly harrasing me and it was affecting my health.(when i say nasty txt messaging-my god...they never stopped,its like he woke up every day with a mission to weigh me down)

Surprise surprise, he never listened and i just snapped when he sent me a last txt message attacking me and my dead mom.I went into my local police station with my phone genuinely crying my eyes out.They asked me later on if i wanted to press charges,I simply told them that if he ever sent me a nasty txt message again, i'd very much press charges.
An hour later, the police phoned to assure me that they went to his house (he lives in the same town),he was warned to never hurt me like that again as it was affecting my health and my ability to look after my daughter.

Upto this day,he's never been nasty to me-in fact,he sees our daughter on mondays,wednesdays and a sleepover on a weekend.

After 7 years together,obviously,people get hurt and emotions run high but being nasty to either party by name calling is just plain sad.I did channel my anger by putting all my energy into my daughter and looking after my health.It didnt work at first but it did work in the end.Ive never been happier.

All the best

NickyBat

Oh please, i can't even read all of your post i am so annoyed by his bulls**t. So his he seriously going go give up his full time job to look after a child?, i think not, it's scare tactics, tell him to jog on and give it his best shot, idiot. Been there, done that and bought the t shirt, my last words were to my ex see you in court then when he threatened me, that was 9 years ago not heard anything since.