Ex Partner wanting custody - help?!

Tulip09

The courts would hate the idea of seperating kids. I think he has been reading the child custody strategies for fathers websites a little to much Is the order he is talking about a temporary residence order? He has to pay money for his child, and if anyone tells you any different they are talking rubbish. Just like you would have to pay if he lived with him and not you. They do take into consideration nights spent with the absent parent etc though.

Your ex just sounds like he wants to control you by scaring to hurt the balance the things you love most - your children. He isnt very original or unique at all. Keep a diary, keep your cool, and get a decent lawyer.

alwayspuzzled

diesel70 wrote: »

He said his lawyer has said he doesnt need to as he provides everything he needs when he is at his house. Which I know is rubbish as I have been going through a csa case the past 7 years which is now at court stage as Iv not recieved a payment yet.

I think this 'lawyer' must live inside his head and only tell him what he wants to hear:rotfl:Providing everything he needs at his house entitles him to a 1/7 reduction in his CSA assesment per weekly overnight stay he has. Again a lawyer who knows anything about family law would have advised him so.

I've found bullys always resort to blustering threats when they find they're not getting their own way.

heretolearn_2

I think he's making it all up as well, he's manipulating you through fear, don't let him. Just laugh next time he mentions this fictitious lawyer. We know it's fictitious as it's all cobblers!

elisebutt65

You need to chase up the CSA about your claim as he has to contribute!!!!
Try and keep contact to a minimum now - just sort out dates for visits etc, and make notes in your diary every single time that he verbally abuses you! If he keeps this up you may want to talk to your solicitor about a restraining order for harassment!

Is he on the birth certificate as the child's dad?

Have you been to the GP about your depression and are you on meds, or undergoing counselling? IF your GP is happy that your coping on your meds then there is absolutely no reason for him to have a leg to stand on

BitterAndTwisted

I'd also be keeping a note of the times he's broken the arrangements at short notice to have his child. Any devoted father who is keen to gain residency won't be the kind who doesn't turn up the day after he's had a skinful.

He's bluffing and now you know it. Don't be frightened of his empty threats

minimoneysaver

What a horrid, manipulative bully. Ignore his nasty threats and messages. He's making it up. Been there, done that and bought the t-shirt. My ex went so far as to say he was going to take my daughter from school, BINGO, he gave me all the evidence I needed to go to the police and now they have warned him to stay away and also spoken to him about threatening behaviour. If your ex so much as threatens something like that, I would highly recommend that you go to the police. They were fantastic with me and ensured that I felt safe.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Don't panic - he just wants to make you unhappy and is, frankly, lying. Get a pitbull of a family law specialist and they will not only sort out the actual arrangements for seeing the boys, they will also make sure that he is crystal clear that he can't treat you like this = I think the phrase is a Prohibited Steps Order.

Moreover, someone prepared to threaten a mum, to separate two children with no concept of how wrong that is, to dismiss the contribution of the person who actually cares for the boy? Not sure that would help him much with a judge.

clearingout

I agree with the above posts, he's been no where near a solicitor. My ex tried this on with me - although I don't have a history of depression - so here is what happened.

- Ex walks out and demands 50/50 which I give him. Within weeks it becomes clear to me that the children are unsettled and unhappy with the arrangement and that his girlfriend is less than nice to them. Ex really spending all time with girlfriend and not concerntrating on children at all.
- Ex refuses to provide any financial support to me so I'm pregnant with his child, working one day a week, living in a home in the south east that was bought on two full time wages, with martial debts. Ex ignores any pleas to discuss money at all.
- Ex starts the 'you're mental' barrage of abuse, even putting in a divorce petition that I had attempted suicide four times during the marriage (totally untrue). Tells me he's going to take the children because he can provide for them whereas I'm going to be homeless so what do I think is going to happen?
- I get a solicitor. She advises applying to courts for full residency. He beats me to it and we cross-file, me for full residency, him for shared-residency (his big mistake as obviously, if I was mentally ill, he should have been applying for full-residency).
- we get in court, judge sees him for what he is within 2 mintues but seems to feel that the 50/50 arrangement is fair and leaves that in place pending CAFCASS report.
- CAFCASS report took about 10 months to arrive, recommending residency to me, every other weekend access, one night during the week and half of school holidays to the ex.
- the issue was complicated somewhat by the fact that I decided during the process that I wanted to move about 250 miles away - CAFCASS thought this reasonable under the circumstances (largely financial and the way my ex behaved financially to try and ruin me to take the children) and so recommended it be allowed, despite the 50/50 arrangement that was in place.

Now, the courts favour what they call the 'status quo'. That is, if one parent has been workign part-time around childcare, it is likely that a court will order this to continue, unless there is good reason not to. No doubt your ex will pull out the depression card but if you're going to work and managing the children OK, it's not much of a card to pull, is it? Thousands of people live with depression, it's not a reason to take children from them.

It is very hard in these situations to see the wood for the trees. But please believe us when we say this man is talking utter rubbish and trying to scare and intimidate you into giving him what he wants. There was NEVER any suggestion by my solicitor, the courts or CAFCASS that my inferior financial situation was cause for me losing residency of the children.

Try not to worry and enjoy your Xmas. Put it to the back of your mind and see what happens in the New Year. Chances are, when he doesn't get what he wants, it will all just die down. Take care xxx

mookiandco

The order he is referring to is an interim residence order which can be obtained by going to court ex-parte (ie without giving the other party notice that he is going to court). This order can be made immediately by the Court together with an order (prohibited steps order) that the children are placed in his care and are not removed from his care and control until further order of the court (save for the purposes of contact). Such an order does exist and depending on what he is prepared to say in Court particularly if he can convince a court that there is a serious, imminent and genuine risk of harm to the children, then there will always remain a risk, however small that he might obtain this order.


Whilst its understandable that one might want to reassure the OP and say such orders don't exist or her ex doesn't have any chance of getting the kids, we don't know the full story i'm afraid and I would tread carefully here. Your best bet is to seek proper legal advice.

In all likelihood the Court are unlikely to grant a change in residence unless there are exceptional reasons to do so. The finances of the parties will not be a reason alone to grant a change in residence. However, if your ex keeps letting the kids down and not adhering to contact arrangements, it would be worth getting these defined so that you both know where you stand.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

...which she could obtain, thus preventing him from trying the same.