Colleague issue

gwen80

I'm currently gathering more emails. I have one where he insists on staying at my house after a work night out. I make excuse after excuse after excuse. Another colleague has offered him somewhere to stay, but he carries on pestering to stay at my house. Thank God I never let him.

Errata

From what has been said it sounds like I may have to work in the same office as him.

Just turn that round Gwen - how do they expect him to work in the same office as you? A good HR dept would ensure he didn't have to, and move one of you to another dept or office.

AnnaV

Hi Gwen,

I was sexually harassed at work about 12 years ago, working in a nightclub at uni. The area manager came up behind me when I was in the stock room and started kissing my neck. Argh, makes me shudder just thinking about it. I told my manager who was amazing and completely stood up for me. I reported it to central office, had an interview in which I foolishly said I didn't want to take it any further than the company. Nothing happened to him, and I left eventually. Still makes me angry thinking about it now.

You have completely done the right thing. Remember you are not the only person who he has touched inappropriately. You seem like a very rational woman and none of this is your fault.

I would say most people (myself included) indulge in a little office flirtation, and many people meet their future partners at work. None of that takes away from the fact that he behaved in a completely indecent way to you.

I am sorry this is proving so horrid and stressful for you, but I promise you in the years to come you will not regret taking action.

dmg24

MissDelilah wrote: »

I have never claimed to be a solicitor

Yes, you did ...

MissDelilah wrote: »

And don't say most lawyers can be unscrupulous when it comes to work because they can be, fact of life. Doesn't mean we are all bad.

MissDelilah wrote: »

I told my fellow solicitor

You are aware of the consequences of holding yourself out to be a solicitor?

gwen80

I forgot to say...the girl who said she hadn't been offended by his touching her legs is a temp who was waiting to hear if her contract would be renewed the following week...

Sambucus_Nigra

gwen80 wrote: »

They emailed them to me. I assume mine will be sent to him.

He categorically denies it, then says it could have happened, but it was unintentional. How can you categorically deny it, then later say it could have happened? Surely either it could have happened, or it couldn't.

If it were so easy to not know whether your bits were in or out of your trousers, surely this would be a more universal issue rather than a one off? Perhaps you should ask your HR lot, or the [presumably male] managers who do sit down with you whether they have this issue or not - and if not, then how on earth could one person unintentionally flop their man bits out when all other men you've ever met in your life seem more than capable of keeping them inside their trousers.

Sambucus_Nigra

gwen80 wrote: »

I forgot to say...the girl who said she hadn't been offended by his touching her legs is a temp who was waiting to hear if her contract would be renewed the following week...

And another thing - it is irrelevant whether she was offended or not - the fact of the matter is that he did it without her permission. Again, ask your male management whether it is common practice to touch up female members of staff, temporary or otherwise.

gwen80

I'm starting to feel a little calmer about things, after being totally distraught this afternoon. The straw that broke the camels back was when I read his notes to say that he thinks I've invented this because I have 'personal problems' and refers to personal things that I confided in him with (when I thought of him as a friend). He's used what he knows about me and thrown it back in my face.

I think I feel a little calmer because I have no doubt he'll sexually harass more women (I'm sorry that might happen, but I've done my best) and I've alerted HR.

When I was very upset this afternoon, I was comforted by my manager and she made a couple of comments which I took to mean that she was very surprised by the outcome.

Gwenx

Sambucus_Nigra

I think you need to bear in mind the line 'Well he would wouldn't he?'......

ceridwen

gwen80 wrote: »

I'm currently gathering more emails. I have one where he insists on staying at my house after a work night out. I make excuse after excuse after excuse. Another colleague has offered him somewhere to stay, but he carries on pestering to stay at my house. Thank God I never let him.

Thank God indeed you didnt let him....I dont think any of us would have to wonder what would have happened then:eek:.

So - that is one HUGE thing to be thankful for at least - or you would almost certainly have been consulting us about something MUCH more major than this.

Good idea to get more emails together. Get all evidence possible and try and work out a "Diary of Events" about how things have been right from the start.

Certainly - at the VERY VERY least H.R. have got to accept it would be totally unreasonable to expect you to have any sort of contact with him again (even if they failed in their duties to deal with him appropriately).

Are you in a Union? Best as well to join an appropriate one if you arent.