How important is money to a relationship?

RHYSDAD

A friend of mine had a very well paid job and is (was) happily married. He was recently made redundant and is now working again but earns around a 1/3rd less. All was well in the relationship up until this point and now they have begun to row. Mainly about the lack of income, which will now result in a lot of moneysaving.
He is getting a bit upset and wonders now whether his partner wanted him or his disposable income? I have reassured him to talk it out and stick with it but, just for interests sake, i have put on a poll. Please vote and comments appreciated.

ailuro2

Money in my opinion,is very important to a relationship because it's one of the most commonly rowed about things if partners don't share the same attitude.

My dh and I both agree not to waste money too much, and try to save more by switching off lights, not buying lots of clothes etc. but don't penny pinch to the extreme. We also agree large purchases- say anything over 50ish pounds,before either of us makes them.

Whether having spare money is important to a relationship depends on the couple, but we both are prone to SAD and feel it's easier to get through deepest darkest winter if we can afford a holiday next summer.We do appreciate we are lucky to both be working though;)

seven-day-weekend

Money does not buy happiness, but it sure makes unhappiness a lot more comfortable.

Maybe your friend's wife is worried whether they will be able to pay bills etc.?

astonsmummy

I think it's importanat to an extent, but it's not the b all and end all.
When i was growing up, the sperm doner had lots of money, always flashing his cash, i got used to it and for along time was spending beyond my means.
Now i have a son and have found this site i ralise money isnt everything.
In a few months my boyfriend will be moving in with us and while he has a very good wage and i'ts increasing, i certainly wont rely on it as if it all went tits up we'd be lost!
If you truly love someone you'll be there through tthick and thin.

nearlyrich

It's not important how much money you have but that both partners have a similar attitude to spending and saving or can agree a method that works for them.

It is difficult to change from a free spending style to having to watch the pennies but in a situation like the OP has described the alternative is even more misery when the debts pile up and there is no money to pay them.

I wonder if the partner is earning and contributing financially to the relationship or if the lifestyle is more important than the relationship?

hobo28

Does his wife work or is she a housewife? I think money is extremely important to a relationship. I don't mean having pots of it (Altho that helps!) but managing what you have well.

Are they rowing because they are adjusting to having less and having to find ways to save or are they arguing because she resents the fact that they now can't live the lifestyle she's grown accustomed to?

RHYSDAD

seven-day-weekend wrote:

Money does not buy happiness, but it sure makes unhappiness a lot more comfortable.

Maybe your friend's wife is worried whether they will be able to pay bills etc.?

From what he tells me, they are ok when it comes to mortgage etc and monthly bills, it's the not being able to go out too much which is what is getting to her.

He's old fashioned and believes in 'For richer for Poorer'
He's just not sure if she does!!!

liney

'Loves flys out of the window, when poverty walks in through the door' is what my nan always told me.

Yes it is important, but not for flashy cars, but for security. Plus i could never be with a man with no work ethic - he must earn his wage and be proactive about getting ahead. I suppose it is more about attitude than the actual money for me.

joannasmum

In our relationship we dont row about money now we used to but came up with a plan along time ago, we talk about our money situation every month after pay day. It has stood us in good sted as there have been times when we have had no choice but to accumulate debt to keep our heads above water, but we have always been working toward a common goal. All money is pooled in our house and the times when one of us hasnt been able to earn as much the other has done there best to take up the slack.

seven-day-weekend

RHYSDAD wrote:

From what he tells me, they are ok when it comes to mortgage etc and monthly bills, it's the not being able to go out too much which is what is getting to her.

He's old fashioned and believes in 'For richer for Poorer'
He's just not sure if she does!!!

Well in that case they don't have the same attitude towards money, do they?

I don't know what the answer is. If what you say is correct she is being very selfish, but maybe it's just a temporary thing while she adjusts to the loss of income. Let's hope so.

You would think she would be supportive at this time though, not going at him for not having enough money.

seven-day-weekend

We have never argued about money in 35 years of marriage although we have never earned a fortune. We have had times of both earning reasonable salaries, to living on a student grant, to my husband being on IB and me just having wages from being a lollipop lady.

We haven't argued about it as whoever earns the money it's there for the both of us and if the income is tiny we have had to budget accordingly. In times like this we've usually taken in a lodger!

But the point I'm making is, you both have to have the same attitude to money and be supportive of each other, and both be prepared to work through it together.

It seems as though your friend's wife is not prepared to do that.