What do you buy your adult children?

System

I am battling with this at the moment. I tried to cut down last year but failed miserably. Christmas for us is one heck of an expense when partners and their children creep in. I am hoping to stick to this list:

Son who is 25 forgoes his christmas pressie and £25 will go to his eldest son.

Sons girlfriend wont get anything £25 will go to their youngest son.

Daughter who is 24 will get £25. Her partner will get £10

Daughter who is 20 will get £25. Her boyfriend forgoes his money to go to his
daughter (from a previous relationship). His daughter will get £10.

Son still at home and at college will get £150 (he has asked for a new phone so thats what he will get), and because he cant be bothered to sort out his EMA thats all he is getting.

10 year old son, probably £150 - £200

I have all my childrens bank details so that i can transfer the money around christmas time and my young grandsons money will go straight into their trust fund via bank transfer.

I much prefer to give my adult children the money, i would rather it go on the things they want rather what i 'think' they want.

jo1967

I am an adult child! Nearing the big 4 0 !
My parents buy for my sister & I but over the years as children arrived the amount has reduced. We get some clothes vouchers (which we love!)then a selection of smaller things, our OH's also get pressies but less spent. She enjoys buying presents for us and we really appreciate the gifts - after so many years she really knows what we like!

My mum is Christmas Central - we all write a xmas list and give it to her, then everyone checks the lists for ideas (including respective OH's - at least you get what you would like!!LOL!). The lists are not extensive (I have a new salt & pepper set on mine!!!) but useful.:rotfl:

maplegirl2011

RHYSDAD wrote:

With all due respect, she sounds an ungrateful little wretch.
However, i do go along with the view that you should treat everybody the same where children are concerned. This said, she is working and able to pay her way so a reduced amount doesn't seem that unreasonable,

i too agree that kids should have equal amounts spent on them, but if i spent the same amount on her as i do my children, then my kids lose out because she then gets double what they get because of the presents she gets off of her mother .
she is crafty though expecting money all the time. i thought that since she started work she would have learnt the value of money,but she seems to have got worse.

HopeElizzy

charb wrote:

i thought this was a reasonable amount due to the fact she works and was 19.

I think this is perfectly reasonable........my parents decided that when we turned 18 we were legally adults so the gifts became different. It is difficult to explain but it means that we usually know what we're getting and we don't get piles of silly things. It also meant that when I was 18 my sister was only 15 and continued to get more spent on her until she was 18. At 18 I was grown up enough to understand how much was being spent but would certainly never have questioned my parents on how much exactly everything cost. It's a shame your OH feels the way he does but I guess that's how alot of parents feel that have a marriage break up and are forced to leave their child/ren.

This year my mum and dad are paying half with my inlaws and we're all having passports as that will be £200 for the 4 of us!!:eek: The children will still get stocking prezzies and I'm sure their grandparents will buy them something else as well!

MaureenHB

charb wrote:

my partner has a 19yr old from a previous relationship. she works and lives with her mother. we have 4 other young kids to buy for so i spent about £140 each on them and about £70 on the 19 yr old. i thought this was a reasonable amount due to the fact she works and was 19. well she was fuming on xmas day and was asking how much so and so's present was etc.now i haven't seen her since xmas day (since we moved house 18 mths ago from the road next to her boyfriend and no longer give her money we don't see her). she never got my partner anything for fathers day and the smaller kids said she has said when dad gives her a xmas present she'll get him a fathers day one.
now i am livid about this but partner obviously has the my kids can't do no wrong attitude. my problem is i don't know what to do this xmas.i have done the shopping for the smaller ones and got lots of bargains,so it looks like they have had alot spent on them but they haven't. i don't think she did too badly last year because she has her mums presents aswell, but i don't want to have arguments this xmas(she walked out last xmas before dinner).
any opinions ?

I felt very cross with this girl when I read this! I agree with the other poster, she is an ungrateful wretch, and has no idea of the importance of family at Christmas rather than material gain and greed. If you feel you HAVE to spend on her how about spending the money on one of the Oxfam type presents.. a goat, chickens or farming tools etc.. so at least the money goes to someone who needs it.

tr3mor

charb wrote:

my partner has a 19yr old from a previous relationship. she works and lives with her mother. we have 4 other young kids to buy for so i spent about £140 each on them and about £70 on the 19 yr old. i thought this was a reasonable amount due to the fact she works and was 19. well she was fuming on xmas day and was asking how much so and so's present was etc.now i haven't seen her since xmas day (since we moved house 18 mths ago from the road next to her boyfriend and no longer give her money we don't see her). she never got my partner anything for fathers day and the smaller kids said she has said when dad gives her a xmas present she'll get him a fathers day one.
now i am livid about this but partner obviously has the my kids can't do no wrong attitude. my problem is i don't know what to do this xmas.i have done the shopping for the smaller ones and got lots of bargains,so it looks like they have had alot spent on them but they haven't. i don't think she did too badly last year because she has her mums presents aswell, but i don't want to have arguments this xmas(she walked out last xmas before dinner).
any opinions ?

Lump of coal?

RHYSDAD

tr3mor wrote:

Lump of coal?

Perfect!!

And tr3mor, i love you're, sorry, your signature!!

Grammar does appear to be a slight problem these days doesn't it?
Have you read 'Eats, Shoots & Leaves' by Lynne Truss?
It's The Zero approach to Punctuation. Very Very funny!!!

katiepoppycat

back to the original post . . . . .

Neither me nor my brother live at home but neither of us have kids which make thigs different. we usually get a dvd or book to open on xmas day and then usually something 'useful' - my dad rewired my little bro's house last year and laid my laminate flooring and hung me a couple of doors. It's great because it's something that's worth a lot of money to us( what would it cost to get someone in for a day to lay a floor and do diy for you) and it's only time and the odd nail to him. Plus it's a day we get to spend together.

and for Charb, yes your stepdaughter's reaction was rude and unpleasant and she should not be treating you like this. HOWEVER, she's 19. Her dad has a new family, she's probably a little sensitive to feelings of being displaced and has totally misinterpreted your christmas gifts as beng an attack on her. Yes, she's working ,she should expect less than the little ones. Please try telling her that - if you can;t talk to her, write her a letter. IF she doesn't understand that then you;ve done all you can. Some people(NOT, I stress, NOT you - you wouldn't be posting about it if that was the case) use christmas gifts as a weapon. My Gran is one of them - for the past two years she has sent envelopes for me and my brother at christmas - mine contains money, his doesn't. Because we know what she's like and what she's trying to do, we shrug our shoulders and split it. I hope you resolve your issues with her, remember, it's worth eating a bit of humble pie in order to be 'the bigger man'. Or so it's always been in my experience at any rate.

aurora_borealis_2

My elder two are over 18 and live away from home for most of the year.
I don't treat them any differently for that. I buy way too many presents and also fill a stocking for each of them. The presents are usually my choice because they prefer surprises.
I leave the present buying until as late as I can, because once I start I can't stop. Absolutely no self control.
They still open their stockings on my bed too

V_Chic_Chick

My grandparents give my dad (49) something fairly useful like, one year, a DAB radio, and some other smaller things like books.

They give my mum (who is divorced from dad but still comes over to dad's parents for xmas with dad and me) a book token or other voucher for appx. £10 and some smellies.

However, they are pretty loaded and are paying for me to go to an independent school lol.