birthday invites

mum2twinsx2

pinkclouds wrote: »

Email the mom and ask if you can bring the other child due to childcare arrangements? (In fact, looking at your siggy, you'd potentially be bringing 3 extra not just the other twin!) Decide based on her response?

My eldest is 3 years old and has recently attended 3 birthday parties (of 3 and 4 year olds). A lot of parents brought additional kids with them (usually younger but one or two older) because very young kids can't be expected to attend on their own and a lot of people don't have on-call childcare for weekend parties. In fact, one or two came as a family! I'd have thought she'd be expecting quite a few extras anyway. (Although, while I'd expect the extras to be fed and join in the games if old enough, I wouldn't expect them to get the party bags as they aren't official invitees.)

If they can't both attend, then I would politely decline. It's too horrible at that age. There is a set of twins in my daughter's class. They don't dress alike but they do everything together and have a lot of identical toys, etc.

Thanks,
They both are in the same class, there only ten girls in the class. They have no choice but to dress similar if not the same. Having the same things also saves arguements:rotfl:

I never thought about it to be honest as we have been to lots birthday parties but both have been invited. The little girls whose birthday im quite friendly with her mum they have been going to each others birthdays since the girls first birthdays thats why im a little:eek:.
I am making my decision based on her response.

gingin_2

My dd is good friends with a twin and the mother made a point of telling me not to feel obliged to invite both to play dates and parties and that she prefers them to make their own friends and we have done this many times.

It's always hard when a child doesn't get invited to a party, whether they are a twin or not, but I can see how this must be doubley hard. I'd take Daisy or for a hot chocolate and make a real fuss of her, I bet she'd love some one-on-one Mummy time and it might be good for Lily's confidence to go it alone.

mich13x

I think if indeed Daisy is not invited then Lily should not go either. When they are a little older they will be able to understand better why one is invited and the other isnt and not be upset as they have their own friends. But if like you say these little girls do everything together its unfair to seperate them for reasons they wont understand such as only 8 spaces for the party etc. I would still send a little present into school for the girl but politely decline.

I agree with asking the mum though, chances are theres a genuine mistake been made and little Daisy is invited after all

bestpud

Am I alone in thinking it's a bit rude to ask if the other is invited...?

Why not ask a few of the other parents if their children have been invited as you will be able to guage the number of children going?

Or just reply that Lily would love to come and if Daisy is invited, they will surely question why only one is coming, and you will know one way or another?

I can see no reason to decline the invite but I'd keep it as low key as possible either way tbh - it may not be a good idea to set up an expectation that 'one' means 'both'.

As an aside, I once knew a family of triplets and one of them often seemed to be left off invites . If it happens like that then it can get tough for the one left out but hopefully it will even out for your girls.

jackieglasgow

I wouldn't ask personally as I would be worried I'd be backing the other mother into a corner - she may have limited numbers because of costs, or her little girl may have only invited the twin she prefers so she doesn't have to share her with her twin? I would have something else planned that day for the whole family, and pass on a gift addressed from both girls. They have plenty of time to be spereate the rest of their lives, but its not essential at four is it?

Becles

pinkclouds wrote: »

Email the mom and ask if you can bring the other child due to childcare arrangements? (In fact, looking at your siggy, you'd potentially be bringing 3 extra not just the other twin!) Decide based on her response?

I wouldn't do that.

I've had it happen to me when I've hosted parties for mine before. You end up backed into a corner as if you say no, you look mean, but if you say yes, then you need to provide food and a party bag for the extra ones, which makes the party more expensive.

I know people say they don't expect the extra's to get anything, but then you've got upset children at the party crying because one gets a party bag and they don't.

OP - I would just email and say Lily will be attending. That gives the other mother a chance to realise she made a mistake and ask why Daisy isn't coming, or if you don't hear, you can assume the invite was for Lily only.

FBaby

I too feel it would be rude to expect an explanation. The mum has a right to limit numbers and the child has the right to say she feels closer to one than the other. I think it is a good opportunity for the girls to learn that they won't always do everything together and that it is ok. I would make sure to organise something special with the other twin, not as a compensation because she is being left out, but as an opportunity to spend some one to one time with mummy.

nottslass_2

pinkclouds wrote: »

Email the mom and ask if you can bring the other child due to childcare arrangements? (In fact, looking at your siggy, you'd potentially be bringing 3 extra not just the other twin!) Decide based on her response?

My eldest is 3 years old and has recently attended 3 birthday parties (of 3 and 4 year olds). A lot of parents brought additional kids with them (usually younger but one or two older) because very young kids can't be expected to attend on their own and a lot of people don't have on-call childcare for weekend parties. In fact, one or two came as a family! I'd have thought she'd be expecting quite a few extras anyway. (Although, while I'd expect the extras to be fed and join in the games if old enough, I wouldn't expect them to get the party bags as they aren't official invitees.)

If they can't both attend, then I would politely decline. It's too horrible at that age. There is a set of twins in my daughter's class. They don't dress alike but they do everything together and have a lot of identical toys, etc.

I really don't think its right to put someone in the position where they feel that they have no alternative other than to invite one or (even 3) extras,numbers have probably been restricted due to space or cost anyway.......

I totally understand how upsetting not being invited would be,but just because a child is one of a Twin doesn't mean that their class mates see them both as "equal friends".

gill_81uk

I could perhaps understand only one twin being invited if they were older, but at the age of 4 it seems really harsh to invite one without the other. I hope it was a mistake. I think you've done the right thing in emailing and I hope you get the response you wanted. Is it definitely a party or is it just that the little girl who's birthday it is has been allowed to invite one special friend?

jess1974

I also think that its a good lesson to learn that sometimes you are'nt invited to everything, and maybe next time Daisy will be invited and not Lily...