Full Time Working Mum's - how do you do it all?

Littlemiss-lotsofdebt

ManicMum wrote: »

To the OP - I don't know your finances but a lot of people I hear say 'I can't afford not to work' don't actually mean that. I think they just don't want to give up certain things or don't want to economise. I would think twice about going back to work full time. I have mainly been at home the last 7 years and fit in part time work in evenings/weekends and do some childminding at home. It can be very boring/frustrating at times but glad I have been here for my kids. I will never regret that. Will you regret working yourself round the clock and missing out on things?

Not trying to make you feel bad. This is something I feel passionate about. I think there is too much emphasis on money and material goods. We are not rich - we only earn between £25-32k and have 3 children.

Hope you sort it out.

Thanks again everyone for your comments.

ManicMum - you have a very valid point and if I am completely honest, yes, we probably could manage on one salary but there is no way we could move house on this therefore this would have to be sacrificed. Also, OH works in a very tempestous industry where it is not uncommon for Managers of his level to be let go if they have not reached their sales targets, and this does way heavily on my mind.

I will be ringing work tomorrow to let them know I am going to be returning full time, but will request that I start at 8.45am and finish at 4.30, this allows me time to drop off and collect LO 4 days a week. OH can't help with this as the nursery doesn't open until 8am and he has to be at work for 7.30am, and more often than not 7am. We live near OH's family and I am lucky in that I get full pay for 14 days a year if I need to take time off to look after LO if he is ill, I know I am extremely fortunate to get this and don't intend to take advantage!

Thanks again everyone for all your help xx

queencarrot_2

Hi,

I went back to work full time as an accountant (I do have flexi time) when my LO was 4 months old and my husband and I separated at the same time.

It is really hard work, but completely manageable. Make sure you're happy with your childcare provider, my childminder is fantastic, and although her hours are 8am to 5.30pm, two mornings she agreed to let me drop my LO off at 7.30am - without paying any extra, so I manage to miss the traffic.

I found it really tough especially as most of my friends were (and still are on maternity leave) so I had the guilt factor of leaving LO when he was so young, but it does get easier to deal with. He's really settled and is not at all bothered by going to different places and rarely cries when he's left.

Morning routine, up at 5.30am, quick shower for me hopefully whilst LO is waking up, get ready with him crawling around, get him dressed, breakfast, coats on and walk the dog. Out of the door by 7.15am for 7.30am drop off or 7.45am for 8am drop off.

I get everything ready the night before, so tea and sugar in the mug ready, all breakfast items already in the bowls and spoons out, lunches for work made ready and in the fridge. Washing machine goes on nightly, in the morning everything out and into the drier. Dishwasher goes on each night and emptied in the morning (I stopped sterilising my LO's bottles and started putting them through the dishwasher and saves loads of time) in fact, most baby items will go in the dishwasher for sterilising on the top shelf (especially from charity shops/car boots even if they are battery operated)

I have never ironed any of LO's clothes, and fold clothes out of the drier and hang them up. I have lots of dresses for work which mainly need hanging up and they go into the bathroom and the steam usually lets the creases drop out. For the things that do need ironing, I have a set evening each week and just do it then, usually a Thursday evening, and I have a TV evening and a glass of wine.

Work all day, finish at 4.30pm (supposedly!) pick LO up at 5.30pm (oh yeah an hour commute each way to work) he has homemade lunch and a tea time snack at childminders, back home, baby in pram, batch cooked tea into microwave for both of us, and dog walked again. Back home, for 6.15pm, tea just needs a quick blast in the ding, we have tea together, a quick play and then it's bath, story bed time. LO is in bed for 7.30pm.

Quick tidy up around the house, laminate floors - invest in a flash mop as just so much easier, esp with the dog and muddy boots in and out.

If I need to do more work, I have a laptop from work and do the catch up in the evenings, and one evening per week I have a babysitter, it's £10 for 3 hours, but just means I have an evening to myself, usually walk the dog for miles to wear her out.

Online shopping is a lifesaver, I have a fairly tight budget, so work out all the meals, then just buy what I need and do a batch cook once a fortnight/month and freeze everything in portions. I do cheat and buy Ella's kitchen baby foods like pasta and sauce portions and rice etc, as we all have can't be bothered days. I have a treat with the Abel & Cole organic fruit and veg box once a fortnight, and I have bread, milk, yogurts delivered with that so I don't need to do shopping at lunch/evening time, as I end up spending far too much money just by 'nipping in'.

My ex MIL now has LO on a Wednesday, and I drop him off at 7am, and she has him overnight, so I usually end up working until 9/10pm at night, but a neighbour has a key and comes to let the dog out during the day. You'll be amazed at how much people will help out, and it's not the time to be proud and refuse the help either, I learned that the hard way :-)

My house is never pristine any more, but I'd rather spend time playing with LO than cleaning up. I have every other weekend with him, and I never ever do any cleaning or washing or cooking those weekends, we make memories on those days, and the cleaning can wait. He'll never remember mummy cleaning up, but he'll remember feeding the ducks and playing on the swings.

Monday to Friday is like a treadmill and with teething and sleepless nights thrown in, some days I feel like a complete zombie, but the smile on LO face when he sees me makes it all worth while. I'd ask your OH, mum & sister if they could help out with the drop off / pick ups, if they can. If OH is not for helping with the cleaning up, try to make some 'daddy play time' maybe swimming each week, or visiting the grandparents, as it gives you chance to do the cleaning/batch cooking, and maybe do alternates, only deep clean once a fornight and just wipe over during the week. Wiping round the bath after a shower/bath takes 30 seconds, and wiping the sink whilst cleaning your teeth etc.

Good luck whichever decision you make, and if you stay at home, that has it's own challenges too in trying to ensure that you have enough adult time.

Googlewhacker

Littlemiss-lotsofdebt wrote: »

Thanks again everyone for your comments.

ManicMum - you have a very valid point and if I am completely honest, yes, we probably could manage on one salary but there is no way we could move house on this therefore this would have to be sacrificed. Also, OH works in a very tempestous industry where it is not uncommon for Managers of his level to be let go if they have not reached their sales targets, and this does way heavily on my mind.

I will be ringing work tomorrow to let them know I am going to be returning full time, but will request that I start at 8.45am and finish at 4.30, this allows me time to drop off and collect LO 4 days a week. OH can't help with this as the nursery doesn't open until 8am and he has to be at work for 7.30am, and more often than not 7am. We live near OH's family and I am lucky in that I get full pay for 14 days a year if I need to take time off to look after LO if he is ill, I know I am extremely fortunate to get this and don't intend to take advantage!

Thanks again everyone for all your help xx

So why not let him be a SAHM DAD and live of your salary?

City_Girl_2

I am a mum of 3 year old twins who has worked full time since they were 8 months old, need must and all that although term time only which has great benefits with the boys being in term time only playgroup.

I am very fortunate in that I/we have a very hands on husband/dad, although I would not have him any other way, who works full time too.

My advise to you is to get ready for tomorrow today. This is something we have always done since our boys were born once they are in bed we get tomorrows clothes and anything else needed for the next day ready, which saves lots of time.

So yes it is doable.

Good luck
CITY

DevilsAdvocate1

Littlemiss-lotsofdebt wrote: »

Wow! So many great responses, thanks everyone - I hope I've thanked you all!

I feel much better from hearing your responses, I was quite tearful on Friday when I got the decision from work - I can see their point of view in that someone else doing the remaining hours of my job could be difficult (I spend lots of time out the office and at meetings), therefore handovers could be difficult, but having worked their 7.5 years and advising them in February that I would want to reduce down to 25 hours and them initially saying it would be no problem, I do feel let down. From what I can gather, they are also trying to keep on the lady covering my job and they seem to be working around her needs as opposed to mine.

I do love my job, I have worked very very hard and consequently earn a good salary, and have good associated benefits. Jobs in my salary scale and above rarely come up in my organisation and as lots of big employers in my region are laying people off, not taking them on, I think I would struggle to find something of a similar nature. What also doesn't help, is that we really do want to move house, we only live in a two up two down, and with LO's stuff already (he's 7 months) there is no room at all, so me going back to work full time, although not what I wanted, will allow us to do this.

I have luckily found a very good nursery which is 2 minutes up the road, and LO is very very sociable and not a clingy baby - it will be me in tears when I drop him off the first few times not him!!! So LO will be going there 4 days a week and 1 day a week with MIL (near enough MIL anyway - me and OH not married, yet!!) I still feel incredibly guilty about putting him in childcare, he will be 9 months old when he goes, but I guess this is what most working mum's feel!

Any more tips and stories would be appreciated, you've all been so friendly and helpful, thank you.

Pink Shoes - hope it works out for you at work x

I went back to work full time when my oldest was 7 months old and I really struggled. When he was ill, work were not happy for me to take the time off. Don't know who they expected to look after him, but I guess that wasn't their problem. In the end, I would ring in and say I was sick rather than admit it was the baby.

I know moving is important to you, but give it 6 months at work first. Then if its not working out, you have the option to look elsewhere. Two of my close friends moved house and then were trapped because without their full-time income they could not afford the mortgage. Don't trap yourself. If after 6 months its going well look at moving house then. Perhaps try and save the amount you expect to pay on a larger mortgage and this will give you some money towards moving expenses.

I too got a cleaner and gave up work altogether when my second was born (managed to keep the cleaner though ). I am now self employed and much happier working for myself than I ever was in my career.

Good luck. D.

elf06

My situation is a little different to some of the others but I thought I'd say how things work for me. I am a single mum to DS who is 4. I was single from about 4 months into my pregnancy and have remained single throughout. I had to go back to work when DS was 5 months old and I hated leaving him but his nursery is very good. I started off working 2 full days and one evening (he went to granny and grandads that evening - only for 4 hours though). As time went on I decided to start studying to increase my chances of getting a more suitable job next year when he goes to school and this involved a one day a week placement meaning I was working 3 full days and one evening which is almost full time. I dont have a car so getting places takes alittle longer than for most people and I do try to spend quality time with DS so housework etc has to be done at certain times and fairly disciplined. DS is asked to tidy his living room toys before bed (I know he's only little but I feel this is a good start and as he gets older I will give him other little jobs to help with) then once he is in bed and settled I load DW, WM and put all dried washing into basket then organise food out of freezer for next day. I mealplan and write shopping list accordingly and bulk cook when I can. Meals are portioned up and put into freezer so that the full days I work are easier and I dont have to spend ages sorting our dinners out and can spend more quality time with him. Putting washing away seems to be my downfall but on a Sunday morning my dad usually takes him swimming (they are out for and hour and a half max) but this time allows me to get the washing folded and put away..............sometimes I even manage to hoover lol

Joannag_2

I was a SAHM for about 6 months, then I think my husband would have left me, I was so brain dead! It is hard work, 9 years on and now with 2 children, but my time with them is quality time. They are so well behaved and well mannered - without generalising my neighbour's children with a SAHM are pandered to, rude and spoilt rotten. The 7 year old still bawls when his mum leaves him at the school gate. I go to work as I need to be challenged, cleaning my house is left to my cleaner. My kids have a ball with school/childminder/nursery combinations - and such fun with their parents too!
To be honest - do what works for you - pay the bills and keep the kids happy. I know it is taboo to say, but I like the fact my kids can have piano/drama lessons etc without worring about cost, I'm not buying them off but I like the fact I can affford for them to follow their interests without worrying about cost.

Pennypincher2

Work as little as you can afford to even if it is in a shop or for the post office or bank auxillary work in the local hospital...
I now do 30 hours per week and struggle and my children are 7 and at junior school. It isnt for long and you will enjoy just hanging out with the littly. Also if you have to return to work stay off for as long as able and then plan second child (if wanting another) quickly then leave job.
That's my advice.

SammyD_2

I think some posters are missing the point. Some jobs just don't let you have years off - and the OP has said she worked hard to get where she is. She has tried to compromise on hours and can't. I went back full time when my first was 8 months old, same with my second. Same reasons - I would otherwise say goodbye to my career in my chosen field which took years of study forever. The world isn't perfect - and sometimes you have to make hard choices. So if the OP has said that is what she is doing, I don't really see the point in suggesting she doesn't work or lowers her hours.

My husband worked 24 hour shifts the first three years after we had the children. So it was nights and weekends on my own for half the time as well.

My advice is forget the housework to the greatest extent possible - you will have little enough time with your child, so spend it where it matters. If you don't have one, get a clothes dryer. Always get the next morning's things ready the night before - even if you are working until 1 or 2am, make sure the clothes are out and the bags packed. Double your recipies that are freezable. Eat ready meals and don't feel guilty about it. I hated having a cleaner, so got rid of her.

These years do pass quickly so make the most of every precious second you have, and don't feel guilty about the choices you make. Good luck

elf06

SammyD wrote: »

I think some posters are missing the point. Some jobs just don't let you have years off - and the OP has said she worked hard to get where she is. She has tried to compromise on hours and can't. I went back full time when my first was 8 months old, same with my second. Same reasons - I would otherwise say goodbye to my career in my chosen field which took years of study forever. The world isn't perfect - and sometimes you have to make hard choices. So if the OP has said that is what she is doing, I don't really see the point in suggesting she doesn't work or lowers her hours.

My husband worked 24 hour shifts the first three years after we had the children. So it was nights and weekends on my own for half the time as well.

My advice is forget the housework to the greatest extent possible - you will have little enough time with your child, so spend it where it matters. If you don't have one, get a clothes dryer. Always get the next morning's things ready the night before - even if you are working until 1 or 2am, make sure the clothes are out and the bags packed. Double your recipies that are freezable. Eat ready meals and don't feel guilty about it. I hated having a cleaner, so got rid of her.

These years do pass quickly so make the most of every precious second you have, and don't feel guilty about the choices you make. Good luck

I think that is very well said