Full Time Working Mum's - how do you do it all?

BitterAndTwisted

I've never been a full-time working Mum and nor will I ever be but I know from watching those around me that very, very few actually do it all completely and on their own.

Either standards have to slip or you get additional help. Whichever suits and whichever means you actually enjoy your family life and your working life at the same time.

I'd start by getting your husband into training so that he can be expected to contribute 50% to the housework and home-management once you return to full-time work. If he can't or won't then you must not feel obliged to pick up the slack. Very few of us are Superwoman and most parents would rather have a contented child than a clean kitchen floor.

Wasn't it Quentin Crisp who said that after the first four years a place never gets any dirtier? What a wise man he was.

SkintGypsy

I worked full time after my first. It feels like you are either working or trying to cram all chores and 'fun' into too little time at the weekend. If you have too much 'fun', no jobs get done and you suffer all week for it. Not enough fun and you feel like you don't get to enjoy the babies. I will be going back part time in Feb after number two, and I will be getting a cleaner too. I refuse to spend all my spare time cleaning my house.

balletshoes

I've been a more-or-less full time working mum for 9 years (I work 8am to 3pm 5 days a week), and because I refuse to spend all my spare time cleaning, I just don't!

My house is not spotless, but its not really messy either, and its not dirty. Its lived in. The only chore that really takes a long time is the ironing pile, because I hate doing it and usually leave it until I absolutely can't avoid doing it any longer.

Half an hour or less after your little one is in bed is enough time to have a tidy up/wipe round and do the dishes/hoover up. At the end of that half hour or so, stop, you've done enough, now its your time to relax.

londoner1998

Hello
I am not a mum myself, but I have a 12 year old stepdaughter, I work full time, volunteer and now am doing a post-graduate degree long dsitance... about a month ago I posted here asking for ideas and help!

What is helping me most is to get everything ready the night before; I cook on Sundays for the whole week and do the shopping with OH on Saturdays too. On-line shopping is a life saver, especially is you have children, so you never run out of nappies, wipes and the stuff you need regularly.

To pack everything in, I get up an hour and a half earlier (mainly to read/study, but often to just plan and have a bit of time for myself when it is still quiet). I clean when I can, manily weeeknds, but I try to do littel and often, rather than marathons- OH hoovers and he is now more involved in doign things around the house, but he works manic hours and has to pick up and drop off OH every week. Like others said, house is not always spotless, but I have discovered than if I haven't done it in a while, OH has done it for me ... :-) I keep it in half hur chunks and that seems to work. Getting up earlier seem to make the day stretch and I get more done...
I have no idea what will happen when I have to submit my research paper and pass my final exam, but hey, I'm on it so no way back now...

However, what I think it is crucial is that you don't beat yourself up if one day you haven't achieved everything that was on your list. You can do it the day after. Just that shift in outlook is keeping me sane. If things get too much, make sure you can stop and have a bit of 'me' time, you deserve it...

I don;t know how working mothers do it, I have a lot of repect for you all...

clw1

I work full time and have a 2yr old and although sometimes you feel like you never stop it is manageable.

There are a couple of things that I do to help:
- Get a cleaner - a cleaner for 2.5hrs per week costs me £22 but means I rarely have to dust, hoover, clean bathrooms etc. This means I have a little more time in the evenings and a lot less stress as I only need to put away toys, clean after cooking etc and for me I hate cleaning ! I justify it by saying that working full time rather than part time covers it.

- shop online for food - I do mine at lunchtime at work which saves time in the evenings.

- do washing through the week - we put a load on every morning so there isn't a huge pile at weekends, also we try to do other house chores in the week so weekends are free for family stuff.

- I get hubby to drop my LO at nursery in the morning so I can go to work for 8am and leave at 4pm - gives me an extra hour in the evening either to do jobs or play with LO.


Could you speak to work to challenge the decision ? If you have to do full time can you work at home one day a week or maybe they can fix your hours to help so you start / finish earlier or do a mix of longer / shorter days.

euronorris

Also just thought, can your employer not offer you a part time role in another department of the business?

brians_daughter

Littlemiss-lotsofdebt wrote: »

I'm currently on maternity leave with my first child, and was hoping to return to work next year working 25 hours a week. However, following a meeting at work last week, they have refused this request stating various business operational reasons and the upshot of it is that I need to return full time.

I'm contracted to work just over 36 hours per week so I have asked that I fix my hours (I currently work flexi time) so that I can drop my LO off at childcare and pick him up and hopefully have an hour or so with him at the end of the day before bath and bed.

MY OH works very long hours and has a very relaxed attitude to housework, therefore the brunt largely falls on me - although he says he will help more when I return to work. My mum and sister have been loading on the guilt about me going back full time and also keep banging on about how hard I will find it all.

Are there many full time working mums on MSE? Is it doable or am I biting off more than I can chew? Any tips , advice or just general thoughts would be appreciated.

Ok, yes it is doable -BUT only if you want it to be.

What would be more stressful for you..returning f/t to your old job or finding a new one with less hours? Serious Q for you there.. an ew job with less hours could be as stressful as the old job with ft hours, better the devil you know and all that

I work 30 hours a week, do a f/t uni course, have 2 children under 3 and one at high school. Its bloody hard work, i never get a minute to myslef and never get to bed before 1am due to studying but its doable for me as i want it to work. If i wa in a job i hated then it wouldnt be doable as i couldnt spend all that time away from my babies to hate what i did.

SUESMITH_2

i returned full time when my ds was 18 months old and my oh worked away or over 100 hours a week (self employed) like others have said something has to give, in my case the was the house - so i got a cleaner for a couple of hours a week and cut out most of the ironing.

you just have to be super organised, i'm also a fan of a load of washing a night.

luckily after a couple of years i got a job in a school so at least i got hols off with them and didnt have childcare costs to pay then as that was a killer.

good luck xxx

donnaessex

Hello - yes its doable - I went back when my first was 4 months old, and then had another baby when she was 15 months old! I went back full time when the kids were 2y2m and 11m respectively.

I posted this a little while ago regarding my routine:

I have two under 3's (15 months apart). Monday to Friday its like this:

05.20 Husband leaves for work
06.15 Wake up, get washed and dressed and put the kettle on, empty dishwasher
06.40 Wake the two monsters up and get their clothes out ready
07.00 Breakfast for those two, pack their bags for the day with their food, milk, snacks, comfort blankets, nappies etc
07.30 Get them dressed
08.00 Out the door to the childminders
08.30 Leave for work
17.00 Leave work
17.20 Pick children up, go home and get their dinner ready for 6pm
18.00 Dinner on table, I start preparing dinner for me and my husband and twice a week I batch cook a big meal for the kids - spag bol, chilli, chicken casserole etc
18.30 Husband comes home from work and takes kids for "run around upstairs screaming hysterically time" then bath! I get our dinner on and tidy up the house, put the washing on, hoover etc.
19.00 We all sit and read stories upstairs or play quiet games while they get their pj's on
19.30 Bedtime for them both!
19.45 Both get showered and hopefully dinner is ready by 20.30
20.45 Tidy away dishes into dishwasher and put it on ready for the morning
21.00 Sometimes sit down to watch a bit of TV!
22.30 Bedtime

Saturday and Sunday we have the day separated nicely (husband works on Saturdays too):

08.00 We all get up
09.00 Go to the park or swimming or softplay etc
12.00 Lunch
13.00 Baby naps, I do my weeks ironing (Saturday) or clean the bathroom and kitchen (Sunday)
15.00 Creative play of some sort - making cardboard box cars etc!
17.00 Dinner
19.30 bed

Its hard work having two little'uns! But I love it. I'd love love love to work 3 days a week though instead of full time.

delerium

I have been a full time working mum since my daughter was 6 months old. I am a community nurse and although my hours were meant to be 9-5 there have been times due to the needs of clients that I have been out at work until 8.

Essential is child care that you trust. my daughter has grown up in her nursery and has not only friends she has had since 6 months but also the staff know her so well (and me). We only ever once had a problem and it was dealt with really quickly.

As has been mentioned home standards do lapse (something my mil has never come to accept) I choose to hire a cleaner for 3 hours a week (£20 gumtree advert) I choose to do this because I want my daughter to remember having fun and doing stuff with her mum not mum being too busy cleaning. I do washing of an evening once lo is in bed.

I once had to pick up DD with a patient still in the car as the individual had no where to go as we were waiting for a hospital bed for her.....DD was a gem though the chocolate the nurses on the ward gave her probably helped!!

I personally could never have been a sahm and am happy to admit it despite the abuse people give (none worse than the mil) I believe my dd has received the best care and at 3 is conversing not only in english but in french. She knows more about the planets than I do and is always keen to share what she has been up to. I think the time we spend apart makes the time we spend together more special.

No 2 arrives in jan....so ask me again when I go back to work...but I doubt much will change...a bit more washing (i don't do ironing anyway tumble dryer) and more food prep once he's weaning.... You adjust to what you have to do and get on with it like most things in life....