Disciplining the children how do you do it ??

kafkathecat

I only have one so appreciate it is different but have managed without rewards or punishments. Ds is now 12 and we mostly just talk things through. I will say things along the lines of 'if you don't do A we won't be able to do B' but only when that is the case and not as a punishment. Ds is always careful with his things so we haven't had that problem but if your son is breaking things it would appear that he doesn't care about them so don't replace them. My feeling is that once you start on the punishment route these things always escalate as they become less afraid. Rewards also encourage them to do things for what they can get and not because it is the right thing to do. I'm not saying it is easy and I do have the odd rant when things aren't working but it has worked for us so far.

savingcaz

i know this sounds bad but don't give he any xmas presents lol. My Mum did that to my older brothers and sister (i think before i was born or i was only very little). Their behaviour was really bad and they lied to her on xmas eve she had warned them about father xmas etc and she basically didn't put their presents out. que very upset children who spoke to father christmas and promised to be good from now on. They didn't get any presents at all until boxing day when santa sent them a letter saying next year he wouldn't come back if they continued to be naughty. It was kept in the kitchen on the fridge. - Kids were really good all year lol. I hink you would have to do the whole being no presents there etc first though for it too work and u'll have to be strong to do that.

pimento

How about trying Positive Reinforcement?

http://life.familyeducation.com/communication/behavior-modification/29734.html

http://www.kidsmakingchange.com/Positive_Reinforcement/cms/Positive_Reinforcement.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reinforcement#Positive_and_negative_reinforcement

CRANKY40

Mine isn't keen on walking too far (he's 5). At the age of nearly 4 he was taken on some good long walks to think about his behaviour. If he starts to play up now, I only have to ask if he needs to go for a long walk and he calms down. I was told before I had children that it is a good idea to make the consequences of bad behaviour fit the child. Oh, and whatever you tell them will happen, you have to do it. Idle threats are a complete no no.

kegg_2

savingcaz wrote: »

i know this sounds bad but don't give he any xmas presents lol. My Mum did that to my older brothers and sister (i think before i was born or i was only very little). Their behaviour was really bad and they lied to her on xmas eve she had warned them about father xmas etc and she basically didn't put their presents out. que very upset children who spoke to father christmas and promised to be good from now on. They didn't get any presents at all until boxing day when santa sent them a letter saying next year he wouldn't come back if they continued to be naughty. It was kept in the kitchen on the fridge. - Kids were really good all year lol. I hink you would have to do the whole being no presents there etc first though for it too work and u'll have to be strong to do that.

I think that is just cruel. If they were young enough to still believe in santa then they were only little and how bad can they really be? Misbehave yes but nothing serious like stealing or getting in trouble with the police.

savingcaz

kegg wrote: »

I think that is just cruel. If they were young enough to still believe in santa then they were only little and how bad can they really be? Misbehave yes but nothing serious like stealing or getting in trouble with the police.

Don't know but it's about 30ish years ago my mum was on her own if i was born as my dad died when i was 9 weeks. They must of been around 10-12.

savingcaz

The other thing is it worked for her, don't know if i could do it with my lo who is 2 (obviously when she was older) though lol I'm not strong enough and give in too easily lol

andy208833

When you say something to them make sure you stick to it. My OH is a soft touch and when the kids were bad she would make threats about taking things away etc and then never follow through. I always make sure that if i said something and things didn't improve i stuck to what i said, proper victorian dad!! No shouting or fuss just did it. Should have seen their faces when i cut the plugs off the tv in their rooms! Makes me smile even now, never had many problems after that.

Failing that chain them to one spot away from everything and make the chain short

moomoomama27

It's really difficult, but the key is to be consistent. I am not a smacker, so punishments for my children will be aloss of privaledge, or for the younger ones a time-out.

My eldest is 13, and if she chats back (which is her major downfall), she will lose her ipod, or dvd player or nintendo. Sometimes we take her bedtime down by an hour.

TBH in all my years of parenting, no matter what you do, it's not always going to give long-lasting results, but you must be consistent and ALWAYS follow through with any punishments you dish out, or otherwise they just won't take you seriously, and abuse your rules.

Caroline_a

I was pretty strict on my children when they were small, making sure that if I said 'no' it meant no, and not oh all right then. They were smacked if they were naughty, but 99% of the time the threat of a smack was enough to make them stop whatever they were doing, and they always had a warning first!

I think that often people forget that as parents we need to teach our children how to make wise choices, they cannot do that for themselves until they have had experience and guidance. I often hear people offering their children far too much choice, with the result that the child is very often making an uninformed choice and then often inappropriate.

Punishment has to be something that 'hurts' the child, be it stopping a planned day out, removal of toys for a fixed period, etc etc. Additionally, it has to be reinforced by both parents. You mentioned a 'family meeting'. In my eyes, that has to be a discussion for you and the other half.... followed up by a 'this is how it is going to be from now on in' to anyone else living in the house! It may sound harsh, but I feel you will have to be doubly tough initially to regain any sort of control of your youngster.