Nice people thread part 3- Nice as pie

fc123

michaels wrote: »

One thing I can assure you of - you do not want to be extending even if you are only 'normally' busy with other things, I am working 2 days a week and yet still only just seem to have time to keep on top of the builders and I know I am behind on speccing and ordering the heating system, rads, bathrooms etc.

oh and did I mention the last two days they spent power chiselling off the render which felt like being drilled at the dentist only louder...

I can imagine the upheaval..................hence why it just isn't going to happen anytime soon......but it would be handy if we had a clear 2 months to just blitz it.

As my therapy tomorow, I will list everything that needs doing in the house. It' a big list.

One thing we are considering is changing our business model to a more trad wholesale set up.....which means you have big gaps of time for 3 months spread over a whole year. It wouldn't affect existing staff hours (which we have kept lean and mean) and the cashflow would just adjust.

Just got to get OH to let go of some stuff as he absolutely hates change but he knows I am right.

John_Pierpoint

Doozergirl wrote: »

John_Pierpoint, I think Lydia's done the job. Heavier doors keep it from needing building regulations. If you want it open, you'll need extra investment in the glass and might be able to do a trade off with building control on more energy saving measures inside.
The Welington range makes a nice kind of compromise on the folding sliding door thing. If you have the outward facing, you can plan your conservatory to be a bit longer to accommodate the depth of the doors?

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Thanks doosergirl.

Presumably you are talking about this firm?

http://www.doorswindowsstairs.co.uk/

the Wellington sliding folding door. Constructed from 44mm Hardwood or engineered softwood components, factory glazed with 16mm Low E argon gas filled units. This construction brings superior thermal performance to aid in meeting the requirements of approved Document "L" as well as improved structural stability. Supplied as un-finished hardwood or factory finished softwood.

Prices don't look too outrageous.

Thanks for the lead - I could just replace the existing end of life patio door and then ask permission for the conservatory.

[my neighbour - guy in the farm about half a mile away - has managed to wangle a conservatory, so source for goose is source for the gander and he is certainly not a favourite in the planning department.]

PasturesNew

Trying to decide when ga-ga has happened. It's tricky. There are just fleeting moments of nonsense. Like this morning. Awoken by bedroom door being flung open and a completely awake/chirpy old saying "You're still in bed then" - which always means "Everybody else is up, it's late, what are you doing?".

I felt eugh .... so when the door promptly closed I tried to get back to sleep .... door flung open again "Have you seen these two cars out here? Yours and another one?" Eh? What? Well, I had to look - there was mine in the driveway. "Er - there's just mine/one" I said dopily. "Oh - it looked like two". And I tried to nod off... but then I thought it must be late, what time is it? 5:45. FIVE BL00DY FORTY FIVE .... !!!!!! is going on?

So I dragged myself up to see what's going on ... old sitting downstairs like it's the middle of the day, all alert and reading magazines. Back door's unlocked, front's unlocked. "It's wet and cold out there" I'm told. I went into the back garden - er, no, it's not. It's dry as a bone and the only reason it's 'cold' is... IT'S BL00DY FIVE FIFTY BL00DY FIVE.

So, one ga-ga old, alone, downstairs, acting like it's the middle of the day and completely unaware of the time/weather or anything.



Not happy.

LydiaJ

Oh dear. Sounds awful. My mum has an erratic kind of dementia and makes perfect sense some of the time and no sense at all at other times.

Have you managed to find out any more about the medical prognosis? Last time you mentioned it I think you weren't sure whether untreatable actually meant terminal. I think you need to know roughly what timescale the doctors think things are going to happen over. Sorry to be blunt but if this is a slow growing cancer and he may live for a couple of years or more, then the mental confusion is an issue you will need to address separately, whereas at the other extreme if the cancer is likely to kill him in a few weeks then it's not worth worrying about the confusion and you might as well roll with the punches.

PasturesNew

LydiaJ wrote: »

Oh dear. Sounds awful. My mum has an erratic kind of dementia and makes perfect sense some of the time and no sense at all at other times.

Have you managed to find out any more about the medical prognosis? Last time you mentioned it I think you weren't sure whether untreatable actually meant terminal. I think you need to know roughly what timescale the doctors think things are going to happen over. Sorry to be blunt but if this is a slow growing cancer and he may live for a couple of years or more, then the mental confusion is an issue you will need to address separately, whereas at the other extreme if the cancer is likely to kill him in a few weeks then it's not worth worrying about the confusion and you might as well roll with the punches.

Not found out a thing. Still at the diagnosis stage really. It's been diagnosed, now in the first phase of "can we hold it back" and just had a 2nd scan, which will be compared with the 1st one, in a fortnight. Then, for the first time, it'll be decided if the meds are helping or not - and a change of dosage.

The ga-ga old and the incurable old are different olds

I've a full bucket of problems here.

Overall, I've had a hell of a week, with both of them being super needy, hospital appointments for both ... and my phone interview I did from the car parked outside the Doctors... after which I went in to find out why the old was in there so long, only to discover they didn't think they had to book in at reception, so had just been sitting there for half an hour... so I had to go to reception to ask if they had to book in (yes) and then they had to slot us in.

Sometimes it's like they're deliberately being awkward to gain most attention. And when the two are competing for who is most ill it drives me nuts.

Everything is needed "now" too. I'm constantly being summonsed like a servant over crazy stuff, with an urgency - which has either no urgency, or wouldn't have been urgent if they'd mentioned it before. e.g. yesterday... did one hospital trip, then had to pick somebody up. Total of 80 miles. So, I'd been to the hospital (as I was approaching I was told to go into Homebase to look for something [that wasn't urgent]). Hospital trip required me to get them into a wheelchair and push them around (surprise instruction from the morning it was happening). Nearly home, running late for the pickup, instant demand to go to Mr T for something that had already been decided earlier wasn't important/urgent.... got held up in there. Dropped old off with unimportant stuff, dashed to collect somebody and bring them back. Finally, I can relax... no. "Are you going out ...?" Sudden demand for urgent stuff... urgent/important that could have been planned and was medically related, so could have been fetched from the hospital, or even from Mr T... but no. Let's leave it and not say anything, then get her to go out again.

LydiaJ

Two people both wanting your attention who will be upset if they don't get it instantly - I get that from my kids and it drives me nuts. I can only try to imagine how much more nuts-driving it must be from ill parents.

I wish we could make it better for you, but at least we can be here, and we can be your escape to interaction with sane people.

Wheezy_2

PN, you deserve a medal. I wouldn't be able to deal with it like you do.

A story: My mum comes about twice a year to visit us from Belgium. She always used to come by Eurostar. Dead easy, my brother drives her to the station in Brussels, she hops on the train, she can snooze for 2 hours, gets off here and I pick her up in St. Pancras. Although she can walk ok, she can't do long distances anymore.

Now she somehow got the idea that plane would be better, because she doesn't like to sit still for 2 hours. "Well, walk around in the carriage once in a while then" I say. No, can't do, because she can't leave her suitcase alone

So plane it was. Walking miles to and from gates, to luggage reclaim and customs at Heathrow. Needless to say, she spent one day in bed here recovering from the trip. :cool:

Not comparable with what PN has to put up with...just an anecdotal that sometimes when some people reach a certain age, logic and reason shouldnt't be applied anymore.

Doozergirl

John_Pierpoint wrote: »

Thanks doosergirl.

Presumably you are talking about this firm?

http://www.doorswindowsstairs.co.uk/

Yes. You found it even with my bad spelling. I did mean to leave you a link, sorry.

We did some shopping around for those doors - didn't end up buying them as we went bigger, but there was once a 20% off windows and doors event at B&Q and that was marginally less than we had seen it elsewhere. There are a few internet companies - something like Distinctive Doors perhaps?

Doozergirl

My mum died when she was 45. Everybody calls my mother in law "mummy" - even our friends?! She's the proper matriarch and definitely a purple wearer. You could write a book about her eccentricities and the things she says.

I think when things move on and the young-uns have access to interweb information quickly etc, even though we clearly do know what we're on about, they will take control by just doing something totally against logic. I think it is definitely a stand against us and they don't listen on purpose. Want us to know that they still control us, not the other way round. Train vs. Eurostar is exactly that. As is playing with decision of whether things are important or not.

My in laws decided to buy a new apartment in Portugal without selling their old one (already on the market). I don't need to tell you lot what we advised. They were having none of it. I spent forever shopping for ForEx deals and shipping money over there. The original apartment didn't sell, we told them that the EA was shifty. The estate agent then let it out on their behalf, kept the garage for himself(!) started keeping the rent and nearly managed to skipped the country with everyone's money. Now they have to go over there and stand in the stairwell of the old building for hours on end having meetings about broken lifts and other people's failure to pay service charges etc. None of us speak a word of the language so we just have to trust them to screw it all up by themselves I don't think retirement means signing up for that sort of thing but there they are doing it.

Sorry PN, you do deserve a medal. I have the small comfort that I can do this to my own kids one day when I am wearing purple.

vivatifosi

Pastures, it sounds like one or both of your parents should be entitled to attendance allowance which could help with some of the things that you are finding hard. If it is something they are not already claiming, it may be something you want to look into. If you go to the website below, which replaced the old "entitledto" site, then you can answer some simple yes/no questions to see whether they might qualify.

http://www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx

My mum gets attendance allowance and she had cancer treatment.