Nice people thread part 3- Nice as pie

silvercar

GDB2222 wrote: »

So far, all I've received for Father's Day is a: "Oh, just remembered it's Father's Day today. If I'd remembered in time, I'd have brought you breakfast in bed."

Comment here has been, "well its all day long isnt it - what time does Tesco shut?" and "isn't me being home enough?":)

neverdespairgirl

SingleSue wrote: »

I'll probably get it in the neck from ex mother in law during the week but hey ho, I can't force them to like him.

Eldest has a girlfriend, not sure I approve to be honest,

I'd (1) tell ex-mother-in-law to get lost, and (2) not tell new GF to get lost - it'll sort itself out.

<hugs>

neverdespairgirl

SingleSue wrote: »

I know I shouldn't feel guilty but I can't help thinking how let down and upset he will feel not to receive anything..but you are right, it is time I started to respect the boy's wishes.

Unfortunately, his mother doesn't appear to think that her son is doing anything wrong

Don't feel guilty for a single second. If he behaved like a Dad, they'd treat him like a Dad.

I'd say to his mother, quite firmly, should she ring that it was your sons' decision, and that they don't feel he has acted like a Dad.

John_Pierpoint

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

tell him to have a look at SOAS - they do very highly-regarded masters in international relations, AIUI.

School Of Oriental And African Studies?

SingleSue wrote: »

My boys have done the reception through to year 11 and eldest is now in 6th form...confuzzles the life out of the kids when we talk about 6th form as it doesn't naturally follow the numbers.

Perhaps the politicians have messed about with the numbering system to confuse the parents & grandparents?

When ever there was any discussion of the viability of "6th Forms" there used to be one devil of a fuss. One school, local to me, got all the parents to vote for "opting out"; to become the only school for a population of 75K with a 6th form.
When I was a pupil, the idea of a 6th form college, was much more attractive than "6th form" with the same teachers.
When Helen Shapiro (with whom I share a similar birthday) sang "Don't Treat Me Like A Child", I knew exactly the emotion she was expressing - looks like she left school at 15, for an education at the university of life.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_Shapiro
Interestingly on her "retirement" tour, her concert was padded out by one Craig Douglas, physically a bit of a shadow of his former milkman fitness, with whom she has toured in the 1960's.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXLTr_NgVAY

However though teenage kids think they are capable of independent living & study most are not - too much party time and emotional traumas?

The statistics suggest that "6th forms" get better exam results, but how much of that is due to parental support ?

[Our Kids? Mrs P & I managed to get our two into a "comp" with a uniform and a 6th form. The only down side - until they learn to drive the family car or (worse) want a motorbike - is that you become a taxi driver for their social life and mid week activities (Football, School play.........) becomes difficult or expensive.]

SingleSue wrote: »

Eldest has a girlfriend, not sure I approve to be honest, going by current standards, she would be seen as middle class as two parent family, both working, own their own home and she goes to a private school but boy my standards are way higher than hers. She swears, she smokes, she quite happily called middle son fatty and couldn't see the problem, she thinks there is no problem in having fights with teachers, or a parent punching a teacher and has no respect for her education.

It just goes against everything I have strived for in my children and I am concerned that her attitude will rub off on eldest and muck up his studies.....or maybe I am just being a snob (I am very prone to that) but I can't help myself, she just seems so chavvy and not very bright.

silvercar wrote: »

When I grew up we had to leave the house looking clean and tidy - no scuffed shoes or clothes with holes in them or missing buttons. There were quite a few at school whose parents didn't care (as opposed to couldn't afford because there were uniform grants etc) - they were the estate kids.

Now its reversed. Those who don't want to be seen as chavvy or poor make an extra effort for their kids to look presentable and the really rich lot couldn't care. Seems to be the same with leaving the kids home alone, a lot of the rich kids' parents pop over to France or Spain (or further) for the weekend leaving the kids home alone from the age of about 15/16. My son has come home from staying overnight at friends to tell me they went to Costa for breakfast because there was no milk in the house. So not only do they go away, but they don't make sure the fridge is stocked before they go.

Nothing personal I hope - I an not an expert on the evils lurking in Herts and Suffolk (though drugs seem to be universally available these days).
I am saddened by the social changes that have taken place since the '60's:
No longer is society so equal - people are being compartmentalised by wealth, money, cars, attitudes and family breakdown.

The end result is fat kids who don't get out and mix enough, with mother's who ferry them everywhere.

By the age of 15 a friend and I had realised that with a tatty old tent and a thumb, we could walk down to the main road and end up in the Lake district by way of Bristol.
I still remember the super couple from Birmingham, who were on their way back from honeymoon in a mini and found room for us two.
Come to think of it I also remember the drunk who "accidentally" tried to change gear with my friend's knee and the bloke with a 1950's Citroen (low and black, running boards with the silver chevron on the radiator). He set out to demonstrate to us that it was one of the first true 100MPH saloon cars.
[We learned on the way back, that the fast way up country was to get the tube to C0ckfosters (Is that Herts) then you could be in Scotland by nightfall.]

Any way, what I think I am trying to say is that bringing up teenagers in today's "society" is difficult.
We cannot manage their lives and choose their partners (This isn't a medieval court or a Indian Hindu society).
I think the best technique is to tell them the way the world is, give them as much responsibility as possible, encourage them to meet a wide section of people from a wide section of activities.
Then try to keep the communications open and hope to advise - and pick up the pieces. I sometimes wonder, looking at friends', now 30 something kids, if the parents know just what a "wild child" they had?

If "boomerang" kids are kept in prolonged adolescence, there is the danger they might break out at a later date and picking up the pieces in their 20's/30's is a whole lot more difficult. I also worry about Britain's backwards & inward looking attitudes in a "global" economy.

Anyway - enough of the cod psychology - they do grow through it and remember if money is important in the future of the country and its citizens - wealth accrues to those who can build the bridge between the most disparate societies.
That is what economics teaches us.
[Put their name down for a course in Mandarin Chinese?]

John

PS

SingleSue wrote: »

I just cannot understand why someone would waste such an opportunity that she has in her private education, why her parents would think it is ok to fight with teachers, that she would think nothing of knocking someone out if they displeased her, to ridicule another person being ok...that is so out of my ideal to be alien to me.

As you say though, I can only hope it is a passing phase for eldest and he realises that he can do so much better (oh god, I sound like the mother in law from hell now!)....but then my parents probably thought the same when I was bringing all manner of weird and wonderful boyfriends home when I was his age.

Sounds like "New Money" to me.

The girl needs to be on a (small) allowance and told "that it for everything". She would learn the concept of "opportunity cost".

Then perhaps a nice holiday of a life time as a volunteer at some third world clinic for the rest of the summer (Prince Andrew style).
She might even turn into something fit to marry a prince:rotfl:

She might see just how hard those in third world countries are prepared to work for the money to put their kids though school in the hope of lifting them above the threat of sliding down the greasy pole into the "Bidonville"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shanty_towns

PasturesNew

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Poor Dog-Dog!

Yes, poor Dog-Dog.

And I think I love him more because of his name ... which is fabulous

PasturesNew

LydiaJ wrote: »

Your ex-MIL's views are not your problem. Perhaps she should invest her energy in trying to make her son live up to his responsibilities rather than criticising you for respecting your boys' freedom to choose whether to thank their father for his non-existent love and support or not.

Print that off and stick it by the phone for when she rings

PasturesNew

HAMISH_MCTAVISH wrote: »

Greetings to all the nice people from somewhere very nice indeed.

Think of this as your postcard.... but without the colour, humour, pretty pictures or witty sayings.

That reminds me of a saying I used to have. Postcard style:

Weather's here, wish you were nice.

vivatifosi

PasturesNew wrote: »

Yes, poor Dog-Dog.

And I think I love him more because of his name ... which is fabulous

Me too Pastures. I'm so glad he lives at casa lira, because his fortunes could have been much worse elsewhere. Here's hoping he makes a good recovery.

PasturesNew

You've all just confirmed I'm the only real poor person here

My father was educated privately, but the family lost its wealth in the war - so he's from middle-stock... and met my mum, whose family is definitely poor-stock. So he set the standards of speaking/thinking in our family. But we had no money, all second hand clothes, no holidays abroad, no heating in the house... and went to school just so we could "leave school and get a job". This usually meant in the small local factory, or in an office/shop.

As I've stayed single, with my unknown speshulness, this has limited my ability to mix with people of my IQ level... my income meant I had to mix with pretty dire types or nobody. So I mostly chose nobody. You need a certain level of income to socialise, especially when you're on a single income.... so I never socialised as I didn't like the people I could afford to socialise with.

Being online's brilliant, because you get to talk to people about stuff you're interested in - and not sit around somebody's scruffy house while they roll rollies and talk about their signing on date before toting on a spliff. Been there, done that, it's dull - although it did get me out of the house

It doesn't matter which way you cut it, one single income can't compete with the lifestyle of a couple on minimum wage.

LydiaJ

Hmm. Single income and socialising. That's why my friends are almost all either from work (where they pay me to turn up) or church (where I can turn up for free).

But I totally agree. What I love about this and other forums is the way you can socialise for free with all sorts of people you'd never have the chance to meet IRL.

PS Dog-Dog is a SHE!