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Nice people thread part 3- Nice as pie
Comments
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Awww poor Dog dog....is DH going to spend tomo making a low trolley thing so you could wheel him out for his business?
How did he break a bone? Chasing the postman then banging into a wall or is it just one of those things?
Just one of those things. Running at about 40 mph has risks.But it looks fun too. Its certainly her greatest pleasure in life (apart from ''come and cuddle mummy'' a came which allows sitting on a person sofa not a dog one and ''spin in the car'' which is incredibly exciting for her.)
she;) has figured out walking on three legs already, and going to the loo using only one back leg. Its really sore though poor thing. she's going to an orthopaedic specialist on Mon for surgery -we hope he'll do it Monday
because its a bit of a dicey break.
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Where I grew up which was mostly very middle class it was very much the 'upper middles' who would behave like that as they had never seen money as being tight and thus hard work and behaving well as a means to improving oneself, unlike me and the 'lower middles' who were my circle.Eldest has a girlfriend, not sure I approve to be honest, going by current standards, she would be seen as middle class as two parent family, both working, own their own home and she goes to a private school but boy my standards are way higher than hers. She swears, she smokes, she quite happily called middle son fatty and couldn't see the problem, she thinks there is no problem in having fights with teachers, or a parent punching a teacher and has no respect for her education.
It just goes against everything I have strived for in my children and I am concerned that her attitude will rub off on eldest and muck up his studies.....or maybe I am just being a snob (I am very prone to that) but I can't help myself, she just seems so chavvy and not very bright.I think....0 -
The boys have not sent a card for their father and I have now reached the point where I refuse to do it for them, he never bothered to get anything for me for any of the Mother's days or my birthday/Christmas from the boys, so why should I do it for him (even though this is the first time I have not since we split up..he only got a birthday present this year because I rushed out the day before and got something). I did remind them about Father's day but their view is that only proper fathers should receive a Father's day card...and he isn't a proper father.
I'll probably get it in the neck from ex mother in law during the week but hey ho, I can't force them to like him.
If that is what they think then you're right not to send anything. Sending something on behalf of someone who has forgotten or who can't be bothered is one thing, but I don't think it would be fair to send something on behalf of someone who has decided that a card is not warranted.
Your ex-MIL's views are not your problem. Perhaps she should invest her energy in trying to make her son live up to his responsibilities rather than criticising you for respecting your boys' freedom to choose whether to thank their father for his non-existent love and support or not.
My kids have chosen to send messages to late-nearly-ex's dad. It was DD's idea. She felt sorry for him because he hasn't got a child to send him anything any more. I'm proud of her for seeing it that way.Where I grew up which was mostly very middle class it was very much the 'upper middles' who would behave like that as they had never seen money as being tight and thus hard work and behaving well as a means to improving oneself, unlike me and the 'lower middles' who were my circle.
Where I grew up was pretty much "upper middle" and nobody behaved like that. It's true we weren't particularly trying to improve ourselves, but we generally wanted to stay in the stratum of society into which we had been born, and we knew that the way to do that was to make the most of the private education we were being given, and get a decent job like our parents. At least, I suppose that was our underlying motivation. Mostly we just aimed for a good university and a good job because that was the obvious thing to do and the thing that everyone did.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery to Dog Dog. Give her a cuddle from me.Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.0 -
When I grew up we had to leave the house looking clean and tidy - no scuffed shoes or clothes with holes in them or missing buttons. There were quite a few at school whose parents didn't care (as opposed to couldn't afford because there were uniform grants etc) - they were the estate kids.
Now its reversed. Those who don't want to be seen as chavvy or poor make an extra effort for their kids to look presentable and the really rich lot couldn't care. Seems to be the same with leaving the kids home alone, a lot of the rich kids' parents pop over to France or Spain (or further) for the weekend leaving the kids home alone from the age of about 15/16. My son has come home from staying overnight at friends to tell me they went to Costa for breakfast because there was no milk in the house. So not only do they go away, but they don't make sure the fridge is stocked before they go.I'm a Forum Ambassador on the housing, mortgages & student money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.0 -
Sue, are you sure you're not confusing middle class with middle income?
Eldest will be like most lads, so needs to go out with a variety of lasses before he decides what he is looking for. He may even kick over the traces a bit, just to prove that he can.
Whatever happens in the short term, your strong parenting will shine through in the end.
Well to me it is middle income but reading these boards, it appears to get confused with middle class....as someone on benefits, I am seen as underclass although I always had a very middle class upbringing and I still have very middle class values and views.
I just cannot understand why someone would waste such an opportunity that she has in her private education, why her parents would think it is ok to fight with teachers, that she would think nothing of knocking someone out if they displeased her, to ridicule another person being ok...that is so out of my ideal to be alien to me.
As you say though, I can only hope it is a passing phase for eldest and he realises that he can do so much better (oh god, I sound like the mother in law from hell now!)....but then my parents probably thought the same when I was bringing all manner of weird and wonderful boyfriends home when I was his age.We made it! All three boys have graduated, it's been hard work but it shows there is a possibility of a chance of normal (ish) life after a diagnosis (or two) of ASD. It's not been the easiest route but I am so glad I ignored everything and everyone and did my own therapies with them.
Eldests' EDS diagnosis 4.5.10, mine 13.1.11 eekk - now having fun and games as a wheelchair user.0 -
If that is what they think then you're right not to send anything. Sending something on behalf of someone who has forgotten or who can't be bothered is one thing, but I don't think it would be fair to send something on behalf of someone who has decided that a card is not warranted.
Your ex-MIL's views are not your problem. Perhaps she should invest her energy in trying to make her son live up to his responsibilities rather than criticising you for respecting your boys' freedom to choose whether to thank their father for his non-existent love and support or not.
My kids have chosen to send messages to late-nearly-ex's dad. It was DD's idea. She felt sorry for him because he hasn't got a child to send him anything any more. I'm proud of her for seeing it that way.
Where I grew up was pretty much "upper middle" and nobody behaved like that. It's true we weren't particularly trying to improve ourselves, but we generally wanted to stay in the stratum of society into which we had been born, and we knew that the way to do that was to make the most of the private education we were being given, and get a decent job like our parents. At least, I suppose that was our underlying motivation. Mostly we just aimed for a good university and a good job because that was the obvious thing to do and the thing that everyone did.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery to Dog Dog. Give her a cuddle from me.
I know I shouldn't feel guilty but I can't help thinking how let down and upset he will feel not to receive anything..but you are right, it is time I started to respect the boy's wishes.
Unfortunately, his mother doesn't appear to think that her son is doing anything wrong, when the boys complain to her, she says that he is so busy with work and that they must understand that. Mind you, that doesn't wash with the boys as he gets the same holiday allowance as everyone else and instead of wanting to have the boys or coming down here, he goes off on holiday abroad instead.
Eldest even offered to make his own way up north so that ex hubby didn't have to take any time out to pick him up and that he didn't mind if he was working during the day, he would just study or go for walks until he was home....it was a no go.
The last time they saw their father was in December when he had them for a whole two hours (they were fitted in amongst all his social activities when he was down here last..almost like an afterthought) and we have no idea when he is next coming down (if I ask, he gets annoyed).
My upbringing was very middle middle, as was most of my friends. We did have a few friends from the council estate but we saw them as equals.....the only reason we didn't have more friends from the estate was more to do with distance than anything else, it was too blooming far to walk to go to play! :rotfl:We made it! All three boys have graduated, it's been hard work but it shows there is a possibility of a chance of normal (ish) life after a diagnosis (or two) of ASD. It's not been the easiest route but I am so glad I ignored everything and everyone and did my own therapies with them.
Eldests' EDS diagnosis 4.5.10, mine 13.1.11 eekk - now having fun and games as a wheelchair user.0 -
PasturesNew wrote: »I have to go out .... Father's Day .... needs a card buying ... and a present (god knows what! So that means booze).
And the supermarket shuts in an hour.... so it's now or never.
So far, all I've received for Father's Day is a: "Oh, just remembered it's Father's Day today. If I'd remembered in time, I'd have brought you breakfast in bed."No reliance should be placed on the above! Absolutely none, do you hear?0 -
He probably won't feel very let down or upset. To feel like that he would need to care about maintaining a relationship, and he clearly doesn't. But even supposing he does feel let down or upset - so what? If you totally neglect people, they don't think you're wonderful - that's life. Don't protect him from that.
As for your ex-MIL's idea that he can't spend time with them because he's working so hard, words fail me. I suppose all this hard work earns lots of money which he then spends on providing lots of extra stuff for them? No, I thought not.
ETA Just to make things clear... that's about Sue's ex, not GDB!!Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.0 -
Well said Lydia. That's one of those rare posts that I wish I could thank a thousand times.Please stay safe in the sun and learn the A-E of melanoma: A = asymmetry, B = irregular borders, C= different colours, D= diameter, larger than 6mm, E = evolving, is your mole changing? Most moles are not cancerous, any doubts, please check next time you visit your GP.
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Greetings to all the nice people from somewhere very nice indeed.
Think of this as your postcard.... but without the colour, humour, pretty pictures or witty sayings.“The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie – deliberate, contrived, and dishonest – but the myth, persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic.
Belief in myths allows the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.”
-- President John F. Kennedy”0
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