Nice people thread part 3- Nice as pie

replumbed

Have these threads (part3) ever been locked, or are they are free discussion forum for nice people?

A discussion was locked for julieq diverting it off topic.

Thinking of discussing here instead.

replumbed

The debate is locked and is being buried.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3165320

Pobby

Just thought I would pop in and say hi .

SingleSue

Hiya Pobby....how are you doing?

Replastered- it is for nice discussion, not for continuing locked discussions from other areas.

Pobby

Hi Sue my friend. Yes seeing locked discussions. Well I seem not to be any better. That`s despite max dose of anti depresents. Now they want to try anti pyschotics , not sure what is happening to me.

Benn fired from my contractors how ever that ended in a blazing row and might end up in a court case. Funnily enough , I am up for that . Guess it is letting out anger after I discovered they had ripped me off for approx £60k in less than 5 years.

It was my darling wifes 60th today . Don`t tell her I said so:) . We did very little as I have developed agrophobia on top of everything else . However had a meal out last night in a place I feel safe and a not very long walk. Also I cooked a nice birthday dinner. First time I have cooked in ages and yet I was a madly keen cook.

I was the guy that played in bands in front of loads of people , travelled all over in my job including abroad and gave presentations to customers. So not sure what is happening.

Sadly my wife, although in receipt of her first bunch of pensions is carrying on working. The idea was she would go part time but not sure about my income.

I spoke to a great guy at MIND , and with my doctors support, they are going to see what I might be entitled to.

In a couple of weeks we are visiting family , Not sure how I feel about it but should be nice. Thankfully I am not a slave to a mortgage. Have friends who are and one friend I know is terrified about losing his job . The nasty piece of work who employs him likes to send e-mails threatening his job. How disgusting is that ?

I can`t drive due to dreadful shakes in my hands. In fact eating is difficult as my food falls off my fork. Even writing my wifes card out today, the writing was awful due to tremours in my hands.

Have become quite reclusive . Not my way. Used to be life and soul of the party. Oh well , thanks guys and guyesses for letting me unload.

LydiaJ

Well done Pobby.

Things are very difficult for you, but nevertheless you are still talking - to your doctor, the guy at MIND, and your wife (and "talking" to us on here too). That's a big achievement in your situation, and it's what will be most constructive to you.

Hang in there, take the medication, and keep talking to anyone you find helpful and supportive. Avoid spending any more time than you can help with people who make you feel worse about what you are going through. Don't beat yourself up if you don't want to spend time in crowds or talking to strangers just now. That's not important.

We're with you Pobby. Keep going.

PS Replastered - this thread is a place where those of us who have friends on this board find a safe haven to talk to each other without the kind of vitriol that periodically erupts on other threads here. The locked thread you linked to is exactly the opposite of what this thread is about, so I just want to say a big "thank you" to you for bothering to ask before trying to carry on that discussion here, and having the courtesy to refrain when SingleSue explained that this isn't the right place.

lostinrates

fc123 wrote: »

.
What are the pains from?

Nerves fire all the time, sometimes cause nerve pain...sciatica, or similar pains elsewhere. Most common for me is a sciatica, which nowdays rarely goes into legs, mainly stays in back and buttock and similar style pain in my facial nerves (TGN type stuff) and head, and feet. After a while the pains becomes a muscle spasm..just because the muscle gets sort of ''over switched on'' and freaks....which, is a bit gruesome but when its your back you are kind of stuck because you can't really move anywhere. Most of the time there is a good dose of comedy in the situation that makes one laugh. Being stuck on the stairs is a bit scary at the time if you can't adjust position and are worried you'll fall, but when you've got to the top and sat down you can have a right old laugh at the situation.

This morning, after a great nights sleep I'm much better and I'm feeling even stupider about moaning last night. I'll take it slow today.

Missk, I have some ''happy relaxants'' somewhere, but they don't suit me temperamentally. I'm trying to stay drug free....which would have felt impossible two years ago. I'd like to say its from some kind of inner determination, but actually its all about avoiding the GP:o a prospect I find unbearable ATM. If it gets significantly worse I'll try and contact a consultant direct.

Michaels,for simialr reasons I'm not taking the muscle relaxants I feel that the herbal cigarettes are not for me. I'm of the temperament type I believe to be ill suited to them, two friends who didn't make a study of such things are now lost because of this, one suicide, one a reaction that spiralled out of control and saw him die within about 8months of herbal use. Herbs have never appealed since (I was about 17/18, the other friend was a year later - oneof the reasons my heart ached for a recent Nice Person issue) and while I'm far from guiltfree in related indulgences in the past (which in their turn might be contributary to my problems now....) I just don't feel its a strategy that I should risk. I know it helps many though so I thank you for the suggestion.

SingleSue

Pobby wrote: »

Hi Sue my friend. Yes seeing locked discussions. Well I seem not to be any better. That`s despite max dose of anti depresents. Now they want to try anti pyschotics , not sure what is happening to me.

Benn fired from my contractors how ever that ended in a blazing row and might end up in a court case. Funnily enough , I am up for that . Guess it is letting out anger after I discovered they had ripped me off for approx £60k in less than 5 years.

It was my darling wifes 60th today . Don`t tell her I said so:) . We did very little as I have developed agrophobia on top of everything else . However had a meal out last night in a place I feel safe and a not very long walk. Also I cooked a nice birthday dinner. First time I have cooked in ages and yet I was a madly keen cook.

I was the guy that played in bands in front of loads of people , travelled all over in my job including abroad and gave presentations to customers. So not sure what is happening.

Sadly my wife, although in receipt of her first bunch of pensions is carrying on working. The idea was she would go part time but not sure about my income.

I spoke to a great guy at MIND , and with my doctors support, they are going to see what I might be entitled to.

In a couple of weeks we are visiting family , Not sure how I feel about it but should be nice. Thankfully I am not a slave to a mortgage. Have friends who are and one friend I know is terrified about losing his job . The nasty piece of work who employs him likes to send e-mails threatening his job. How disgusting is that ?

I can`t drive due to dreadful shakes in my hands. In fact eating is difficult as my food falls off my fork. Even writing my wifes card out today, the writing was awful due to tremours in my hands.

Have become quite reclusive . Not my way. Used to be life and soul of the party. Oh well , thanks guys and guyesses for letting me unload.

Pobby, at my worst, all I wanted to do was lock myself away, I went from being the life and soul to being the one wanting to hide in the corner....I never thought it would end.

I love speedway, every year there is the massive British GP held in Cardiff and we always met up at a particular pub before going on to the GP....the meeting up was usually better than anything else on the day. The year I had my breakdown and approx 6 weeks after starting medication, was the time of the GP and I just couldn't face all my friends, so me and now ex husband went straight to the stadium instead.

My friends though were worried about me and sought me out at the stadium and said the words that I will remember forever..."We are here to talk, talk to us, we can help you"

I, like you, would shake from head to foot constantly, I didn't want to leave the house (but had no choice because of the school run - hubby was less than supportive) and wondered when the blooming tablets would kick in, it seemed to take an absolute age.

When the mind breaks, it takes time...a lot of time to heal. The medication takes time to reach its optimum, sometimes extra medication or a higher dose is needed and then time needs to be allowed for that to become fully effective, there is no quick fix, you need to allow your mind to heal with the assistance of medication and/or therapy.

Unfortunately, you will find people who lose patience, they assume that because you are taking the medication, that magically, you are better and find it difficult to understand the above. You can try to make them understand (exhausting and tends not to be the sort of thing you want to do), or you can ignore them.

One way forward is not to look at what you used to do and get more depressed about how you are now but to look where you are now and then celebrate the progress from your worse..take every tiny bit of improvement and turn it into a success, they may not be apparent right now, but they will come in the future. It really is baby steps..so the being able to go out for a meal last night albeit in a safe feeling place, is a huge step forward and you must congratulate yourself for doing it. The same for cooking a meal.....you have done it, you can do other things...but don't rush it.

It takes time...

Davesnave

Hello Pobby. Sue and others have experience, which they share brilliantly, and they understand your current situation much better than I could hope to do. However, I can talk about stopping paid full time work and being 60ish with a bit of authority!

The trouble is, when you work long hours, full time, the job more or less defines you, so when it ends, you almost need to invent a fresh identity. I was lucky, being able to ease myself out gradually, and I don't think I'd have coped well if the work had ended quickly, as it's done for you. I started switching into part time at 52. Now, ten years on, we muddle along on my pension of about £12k pa, running a smallholding which makes no money at all, so we dip into our savings, but that’s what they’re there for.:)

Like you, I was once very outgoing, singing in rock bands & that sort of thing, but now I realise that's not the older 'me.' It was fun, but even talking to large audiences, as I did until about 2005, would now worry me. Like you, I'm fortunate having a wife who can accept these changes, which are a natural part of adjusting to a more relaxed style of life, where one's internal voice says, "Let others do that stuff now!" It's all a part of what FC123 called 'letting go,' on that thread which was closed. We all need to leave some baggage behind when it becomes too heavy for us.

With your DW's help, you’ll come through this rough patch. She can already see the life you'll have together on the other side of it, which can still be very active and enjoyable one, even if you have less money to spend. You & I live in a lovely area of the country where free or inexpensive activities abound, and where the retired have a huge choice of things to dip in and out of. You’ll find new interests and, eventually, new challenges too, but right now, as Sue says, it’s a step at a time. No need to rush.

lemonjelly

michaels wrote: »

Historic experience suggests that the groups where response rates may be lower are 20-30s, shared accommodation, elderly women and ethnic minorities in urban areas.

Sheltered accommodation especially - they're told by the world and his dog not to answer the door if they're not expecting anybody.

Nikkster wrote: »

Spot on. Haven't come across so many elderly people on my travels yet, but everything else fits with my experience.

2 sheltered housing schemes yesterday. Over 60 flats. Virtually none of them had returned forms (according to my list). Very mixed response when I got in. Most were friendly and had already posted it. Quite a few were very grumpy and complained about the fact I had managed to get in (I fought the urge to tell them that if they'd returned the forms propmptly, no-one would have to come round). A few expressed themselves in a barrage of expletives:eek:

In my experience, the more well to do areas and/or flats have returned less questionnaires. Most estates haven't been too bad.

Pobby wrote: »

Just thought I would pop in and say hi .

Hey fella!:wave:

Always good to hear from you. Glad you are working your way through this. It may not feel like it, but I believe you are making progress!:)

It is always good to hear from you pobby.:) Keep us updated. We will support you where we can.