Nice people thread part 3- Nice as pie

silvercar

lostinrates wrote: »

This is what all multiple choice feels like to me.


Right, went to get the visitors but they were going out with friends for a drink (ok with the adults) rather than wait I nipped home for the dogs.

Bossy asked if I'd do it again. I told her politely ''nope'' she asked why and I told her for one thing it wasn't really enough money to make it worth while. She told me how fair she was with money etc and she only gets quarter of what they pay the agency obviously thinking I was trying my luck, and then was contrite when I said that;s fine, just not for me. Then she sighed and said that she'd split the petrol with me. :rotfl: I dithered for a moment I admit.

But now there is a new moral question, the payment was ith no paper trail, just cash in an envelope. Now, that's fine (I'll declare ) but the people who took 8 and take that many all the time are getting a fair bit of cash in hand.

I hate cash.

You don't even need to declare it if its within the rent a room scheme.

I very much doubt many people declare it.

fc123

vivatifosi wrote: »

We listen Pastures and never underestimate how valued you are here. We always listen to you and although I can't give you examples for all of what you've said above, when you explained what the dragon was doing wrong in lir's case with the French kids, that made great sense to me. Your solution in terms of how to run it properly also made more sense, both in terms of the experience for the kids and for the expectations of the host families.

The fact that our suggested solutions don't work for you "because" is a learning experience for us as much as it is for you. Perhaps our thinking style is more lateral, but only you know what works for you so although we suggest these things we don't mind if they aren't right for you and you have to do something else instead. That process of communication is a two way street and people have to learn to communicate with you better every much as you feel under pressure to communicate with them.

I can't speak for anyone else and I know Sue's situation is different, but you've really made me think about Aspergers and what it means to be an Aspie. What you've said on here has helped me deal better with Aspies in the library as I now know I need to speak to them more literally and without grey areas and personally I can't thank you enough for that.

lostinrates wrote: »

Seconded.

PN, you are really at the core of the ''coven'' we have formed on here. I really love our ''posse'' because the knowledge pool is broad, the characters are bold and supportive. I struggle to truley ''get'' an autistic way of experience I think, but I followed the link to a ''test'' you put up and was interested to see I answered lots of the ''right''answers for being autistic. (after a lot of angst and confusion about the yes/no answers both being inaccurate;)). I learn from trying to picture how the world is for you but what I'm learning is that its not as black and white or yes and no as it is suggested autism is.

Double ditto on to the posts above.
I (and plenty of others ) think you're ace.:D

Nephew on OH's side has Aspergers and PN's notes have really helped me understand him a bit better. Difficult as he is very violent and has been excluded from all mainstream schools and struggles to attend a 'special ' one......as he says it's full of ''wierdos''...his language and words and he objects strongly to going there too as he says he's '' not a wierdo''. I hesitate to use the W word but it is how he expressed it. He just doesn't feel he fits in anywhere.

So thanks for that PN... He also dug up his mothers entire garden and planted out loads of vegetables and plants...did it about year and half ago when he was 13. .It's amayzing what he has done and he now wants a greenhouse for his 15th Birthday pressie. SIL can't afford one so we are going to get one a s a surpise for him.

Very 'psychic' with animals too...

We are thinking we may have a nephew on my side who is on some sort of spectrum.....but he's young and coping but very 'inside himself'. Time will tell I guess.

GB222.......mine would move in with us tomorrow..like a shot. I can't offer advice as written down about how it makes me feel sounds really mean spirited.

And LIR I have been entertaining OH with your student tales and he's quite gripped........to the point he came in earlier and asked if I had been online and had any more stories to tell

Did you speak in French to them in the end?

fc123

misskool wrote: »

I need a gardener and a zillion pounds to make my garden look better. I am so behind in sowing everything and I'm invaded by stoopid creeping buttercup.

Hope everyone is well and enjoying the nice weather

I sympathise....our's is minute and we are struggling with it so we have fallen off the MSE bandwagon and got one coming in to cut back trees, bushes and whatnot for flat rate £200.
The plus side is my new salad garden is looking lovely, so lovely I don't want to pick anything as it feels like I am spoiling the plants.

In fact, I am so non MSE at the mo (that All Saints 25% is drawing me like a moth to a flame) ...but I am being strong as it's a NS Month or 12 as I just spent 10k on CAD pattern cutting system.:eek:

SingleSue

vivatifosi wrote: »

We listen Pastures and never underestimate how valued you are here. We always listen to you and although I can't give you examples for all of what you've said above, when you explained what the dragon was doing wrong in lir's case with the French kids, that made great sense to me. Your solution in terms of how to run it properly also made more sense, both in terms of the experience for the kids and for the expectations of the host families.

The fact that our suggested solutions don't work for you "because" is a learning experience for us as much as it is for you. Perhaps our thinking style is more lateral, but only you know what works for you so although we suggest these things we don't mind if they aren't right for you and you have to do something else instead. That process of communication is a two way street and people have to learn to communicate with you better every much as you feel under pressure to communicate with them.

I can't speak for anyone else and I know Sue's situation is different, but you've really made me think about Aspergers and what it means to be an Aspie. What you've said on here has helped me deal better with Aspies in the library as I now know I need to speak to them more literally and without grey areas and personally I can't thank you enough for that.

I understand perfectly where PN is coming from (and yourself), as middle son is exactly the same....it's something I do naturally now as a friend of ours who had always been a little different, needed assistance with his social skills.

So there was me, aged 18, doing lists for him of acceptable behaviour on holiday, some jokey suggestions included to make it feel less directed (e.g must have fun, drinks lots etc) and handed out to the whole group going on holiday....but everyone apart from target knew it was directed at him. He needed it written down what behaviour was 'normal' (offering to buy a drink when someone else had bought you one, using table manners etc) as being told verbally just went straight over his head.

Mind you, he took our packing list just a tad too literal (my own packing list so I didn't forget things but he wanted a copy of it to help him pack).....he was asking me where he could get the contraceptive pill and what size bras to buy and did he really need to pack knickers, would pants do instead!

He was absolutely amazed with the response when he followed my 'joke' list, people no longer shouted at him, people wanted to talk to him whereas before, he had been so upset and frustrated.....and he still has the list taped to his kitchen cupboard to remind himself of the behaviour most expect.

So, I have got into the habit, especially with the boy's of using clear speech and no unfinished sentences....to connect the dots if you like.

PasturesNew

LydiaJ wrote: »

PS I have found a wasps' nest being built in my loft space - they are getting in under the eaves. That's another little job for tomorrow. How come all the websites are so coy about how much it will cost??

I'm sure I've read on MSE that the council will send out a little man for that. I used to live where there was a jam factory and the factory had some exterminators that'd come out to any nests for free.

PasturesNew

GDB2222 wrote: »

Mother in Law, who has been with us for the last 10 days, is looking much chirpier (do I mean chirpier? She's not a budgie.), and talking about going home in a few days. The main concerns are:

She doesn't have much going on in her life at home, whereas there's always something going on in our chaotic household, even if MIL doesn't approve of it most of the time.

She might fall/ not take her meds/ not eat enough.

Several of you have been in the same boat, so is there anything I've missed?

Send her home and set up a 2-way webcam so you can see if she's about/what she's eating - and she can see what you lot are up to

fc123

SingleSue wrote: »

I understand perfectly where PN is coming from (and yourself), as middle son is exactly the same....it's something I do naturally now as a friend of ours who had always been a little different, needed assistance with his social skills.

So there was me, aged 18, doing lists for him of acceptable behaviour on holiday, some jokey suggestions included to make it feel less directed (e.g must have fun, drinks lots etc) and handed out to the whole group going on holiday....but everyone apart from target knew it was directed at him. He needed it written down what behaviour was 'normal' (offering to buy a drink when someone else had bought you one, using table manners etc) as being told verbally just went straight over his head.

Mind you, he took our packing list just a tad too literal (my own packing list so I didn't forget things but he wanted a copy of it to help him pack).....he was asking me where he could get the contraceptive pill and what size bras to buy and did he really need to pack knickers, would pants do instead!

He was absolutely amazed with the response when he followed my 'joke' list, people no longer shouted at him, people wanted to talk to him whereas before, he had been so upset and frustrated.....and he still has the list taped to his kitchen cupboard to remind himself of the behaviour most expect.

So, I have got into the habit, especially with the boy's of using clear speech and no unfinished sentences....to connect the dots if you like.

Sue, you have put so much thought into it.....We can't tell relative how to parent or what may help....like... if I copied off some of your 'tips' they wouldn't be read, maybe seen as us 'interfering and so on. It's tricky.

SingleSue

It's difficult for parents when their child is different, almost like if they ignore it, then the child will magically learn how to do things. Or, some go the other way and every detail will be about avoiding the situations that cause upset....to keep them autistic if you like.

I have always had an interest in special needs, I wanted to be a nurse specialising in (as it was known back then), mentally and physically handicapped children as I believed then and still do now, that every child, no matter how severely disabled, has something they will do better in than other areas and that once you find the key to unlock that 'talent', then the sky is the limit.....it was the basis of my English O level oral too.

I am not sure if the experience with my sister has anything to do with it (she was and still is seriously weird), but I just knew that my parents were not making things any better by pandering to her every whim...and so I did it my way with her. When she went completely eeekk, I was the only one who she didn't dare accuse of doing something to her because she knew I was not frightened to say anything to her whereas my parents and brother, were too scared of what she would do if they stood up to her, it was always about keeping her happy.

My ex husband could never get his head around it either, he thought the way I wanted to do it was too namby pamby, his view was that a good smack would do the trick, a shout would shut them up...but then he could never accept they had problems, just that my parenting was crap.

PasturesNew

silvercar wrote: »

You don't even need to declare it if its within the rent a room scheme.

I very much doubt many people declare it.

If you're on benefits it would need declaring though as it's a form of income.

PasturesNew

I have sunburn on my legs.... the shorts had an airing today and I spent ALL day on many fine beaches

Fabulous day to be fannying about doing s0d all at the seaside