Benefits All Stopped Retrospectively

FBaby

I don't agree at all. My partner of two years and I still don't live together. We've been planning it for 18 months, but in between trying to sell houses, then extending etc..., it is only about to happen now. We are both very busy people, working full-time, activities etc.., so only see eachother once or twice a night and then week-end, but even then it is not for the full week-end. Our finances are still separate, because we have yet no need to put it together. Yet, not for one second would I consider that we are not a couple in a committed relationship.

To me, the key question is not about living separately or separate finances, it is about commitment and devotion, that is, if something happened to one, wouldn't you do everything you can to help? I am about to be made redundant and if I don't find a job by the time my redundancy money expires, my partner will have to support us. It wouln't come to his mind for one second to say that as we don't live together, I need to go and knock on the job centre's door because he won't be there to support me. I would find this incredibly offending, ie, I'm good enough to be his partner when all is well, but when I need support, I need to rely on my own self (and the government). Dating is one thing, being in a relationship another.

Mart, I am sincerely sorry that you are feeling under so much pressure, I know how horrible it is to experience the stress of limited resources, but I really don't think you are going about it rightly. You and your partner are at breaking point, surely her moving with you and be under less stress financially is bound to make her feel better. This has to be a priority. You can claim together and budget accordingly. You can calculate the costs of travel for her to see her daughter and there might be the possibility of some funds to help with that travel. Then you can start looking at her accessing the local services for support.

Waiting and hoping that money might come again, in the meantime getting herself in debts and stress over bills not paid, is not going to help her mental health. You can't just go letting things get out of control and blaming benefits for it, you both need to accept the situation and do something about it urgently.

FBaby

All couples under stress will fight at times. Yes, mental health issues will make dealing with it especially difficult, but you don't have to have mental health problems to feel the overwhelming pressure of stress. Many couples when going through difficult times would choose to live separately at least temporary if the governement could fund for them to do so, but we can't pick and choose and we just have to accept that we have no choice but to deal with what we've got. You seem to think that because you both suffer from MH problems, you needs to live separately should be considered differently, but the government and others don't think it is the case.

You talk about suggestions. Well to start with, this has been going on for a few weeks now, so really you should have acted right away. What she could have done right away is contact her mental team and ask for her care to be transferred to your team and making sure that this was done in the right way. It might have needed taken a bit of time for it to be done taking into account her needs, but transfer of care happens all the time. Taking the attitude that the local team is just not going to offer what she needs is already restricting yourselves.

In regards to her daughter, she again could have contact social services right away and explain the situation. She could have explained that she is still totally committed to seing her daughter regularly, but travel is going to be an issue and therefore ask whether they might change the terms of the visits, so she could come say twice a week rather than three times, but extending the length of stay. Or maybe they could have agreed to bring her daughter to a centre close to your area. And if none of this work, well maybe you will have to make sacrifices for the time being together, give up things that are not absolute essentials for you so that can go towards the travel.

People/agencies are always willing to try to help those who genuinely try to help themselves and tackle the problem responsibly, rather than cry injustice and take on the role of victim. It is clear that you guys are not trying to cheat the system but genuinely believe that it would be better for you to claim benefits for two residences, when the benefits are telling you that you don't get to choose and that you have to make the best of what they are prepared to give you. You guys are not left destitute, you are being told that you need to live together as you are a couple and make do on benefits just like any other couples on benefits have to.

debrag

Me & my partner were together 3.5 yrs before we moved in together, only the last few months were we both on benefits. My partner likes his fredom and wanted us to live apart but I ended up moving into his space room and now we're getting our own flat.

debrag

mart9012 wrote: »

Phew!

My house is paid for. I don't claim any housing benefit but I do get help with council tax. I had a normal life with a good job and my then partner and two children living with me. When my mental health problems became too much that all ended.

In your very first thread just last month you lived in a flat claiming housing benefit and were asking if you sister should move in or not.

Errata

debrag wrote: »

In your very first thread just last month you lived in a flat claiming housing benefit and were asking if you sister should move in or not.

It would seem that Mart is short for Martha.

Errata

I hope this answers your question.

mart9012
03-11-2009, 9:55 PM MoneySaving Convert


Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 23
Thanked 16 Times in 9 Posts


Can my sister live with me?

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I am a 22 year old woman who lives in a flat paid for through housing benefit. I have some mental health problems so I receive both Income Support and Disability Living Allowance.

My sister is 17 and has been kicked out of our mother's house and she is staying with me for now as she is technically homeless. She doesn't work or claim any benefits and is studying at a local college two days a week.

What can we do? What would happen if she moves in to my flat permanently? Can she get any benefit as she currently receives nothing. Will my benefits be affected badly?

Help?

FBaby

I think Mart was just writing on behalf of his partner, nothing wrong with that if she doesn't have access to internet or isn't used to writing on boards.

I did however read your message in regards to your planning your girlfriend to move in and how that would affect your benefits. It seems clear that money is a big issue in your decision to do so. I can understand that, but in light of the fact you WERE considering it, you can't blame benefits to question whether you are indeed officially a couple.

zzzLazyDaisy

What wonderful news!

Good luck to you, your gf, and her little girl. I hope things work out for you all.

Happy Christmas!

MrsE_2

amberjade wrote: »

The little girl should be the main concern in all of this!
As it was mentioned that Vince Cable is the MP I assume gf lives in the TW1 area. Richmond Children Services are known to be horrible. They seem to try and drive the less well off away to try and keep the area upmarket. I know of many people who have had problems with them so tread carefully with them.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
Childrens social services do not work hand in hand with estate agents & the property market I assure you.

MrsE_2

mart9012 wrote: »

It seems it is all or nothing for people getting into relationships when they are on benefits. You either live entirely apart or you move in together. I thought my disordered thinking was classed as black and white but it appears the benefits people do the same..

I think this is normal, for people who work & people who don't.

Either you live a single life & date or not, or you commit to living together.

If you were both working the cost of running two homes would be a major consideration, why should it be different because the state provides.