Benefits All Stopped Retrospectively

Oldernotwiser

mizzbiz wrote: »

To be fair they've only been seeing each other a year. Seems unfair to force relatively new couples to move in together. I dated a lot before I met and moved in with my now husband - we definitely weren't ready to move in together within a year, although we weren't claiming benefits.

It seems like if you're claiming benefits for whatever reason, you can't have a normal relationship. The pressure is on to move in together so your payments can be cut ASAP. For two people who want to enjoy 3ach others company, stay over at each others houses but not to commit and live as man and wife seems ludicrous.

Then again, I've worked in benefits and I've seen my fair share of co-habitation investigations - most of which are blatant fraud!!! This one doesn't seem to fit that bill.

This couple are pretty well living as husband and wife already, albeit dividing their time between two sites.

Loopy_Girl

To be perfectly honest, she would be better off splitting with him, putting her daughter into care (perhaps temporary, perhaps not) and concentrating on getting herself well.

I think the OP is out of her depth with this one, hence the reluctance to make it offical.

These aren't reasons being given, they are excuses.

Loopy_Girl

mart9012 wrote: »

Funny thing is that we have been spending most of our time in Bucks in my home, it's bigger and a much nicer place to be

I've just noticed this...so what you are saying is that housing benefit was getting paid for a house that was largely unoccupied? And the poor little daughter was dragged away from her house and room and stability?

And it doesn't matter whose house you are in...whether in your house or not, it doesn't make it ok. It is still being seen as being a couple.

mitch161

OP was already weighing up the financials of living together before things got so bad..

well bite the bullet, this is the time to do it. if the distance is a problem with only seeing her occassionally and spontaneously then do something about it. its not the tax payers fault you fell in love with someone you cant walk home at night.

do the welfare department have offices that she can travel to if she moved in with you, if hers are more specialised?

or have you considered maybe both selling your house and moving her into a bigger house in her area with a extra bedroom for the child.

forget about benefits for 2 minutes. you two moving in will make her more mentally stable, confident etc. plus two adults living together is soo much better for the daughter in care, then a single mum living alone requiring supervision.

think of the health, living conditions and long term picture. not the ££££. you have money although its in bricks and mortar you do have money. so stop thinking about the benefits. and think about the health and wellbeing first

amberjade_2

The little girl should be the main concern in all of this!
As it was mentioned that Vince Cable is the MP I assume gf lives in the TW1 area. Richmond Children Services are known to be horrible. They seem to try and drive the less well off away to try and keep the area upmarket. I know of many people who have had problems with them so tread carefully with them.

purple12

It sounds like she isn't being particularly well-served by the 'specialist team'. Keep pushing them. Ask them about personal budgets, carers assessments all the things she and you have an entitlement to receive. If there is no response, ask about formal complaints procedures. I know it is difficult - are there any specific and independent advocacy services around - maybe Mind or Rethink (who have email and telephone enquiry lines) - maybe Carers UK as well.

You shouldn't be left battling this on your own given the situation and they are paid to provide support. Nor should you feel forced into other situations.
Good luck.

mitch161

if you feel it is right for taxpayers to pay your mortgage then continue. BUT think about this

why buy your own home? answer: to have roof over head and to make you have some financial security in the future... well the rainy day is today, the future is now. this is the downside of mortgages.

back in the early days people who wanted to have their own home would buy it outright and sell it when times became hard.

try searching for a job to pay the mortgage not a way for tax payers to pay your mortgage which you cannot afford. yes its tuff. but that again is the downside of a mortgage.

yes this unemployment may only be 2-3 months and selling home or missing mortgage payments may cost you lots. but this is the downside of getting a mortgage.

take out payment protection on mortgage?

on the girlfriends side.
you use to maybe pay the odd electric bill just to be helpful when she was claiming. but this has obviously been seen and noticed hense the situation your in. its a tough lesson to learn, and to late to undo. but dont worsen it, instead act now!
try reducing your overnigt stays and request another review. stop bringing overnight bags. wear last nights shirt and drive home for a shower and a morning cuppa'. and stop paying her utilities as although its helping her. the benefits agency see it as if she getting bills paid and someone is there so support isnt required, then they dont need to help her which is the decision they came to. so dont help her. its tuff i know. but the more you help the worse off she will get. as you have already learned! your generocity has helped her in short term but messed up the situation long term,

once she gets more financially stable and independant you will no longer need to sub her some money for utilities (as you admit you help) and you can use this money on your own mortgage or on buying her some roses or the odd romantic meal.

get her to really tighten down on the expenses, any tv subscription/magazines cancel them. get her outgoings to the bare minimum. and request a hardship payment appeal to the housing benefits office and get her roof over head sorted. if not then she can move in with you, even if it just temporary

Errata

[QUOTE=mart9012;3910_Purple_12._I_think_you_are_on_the_ball_with_your_comments._She_isn't_seen_by_the_CMHT_anymore_because_Richmond_has_a_specialty_Personality_Disorder_Intensive_Treament_Team_based_at_Barnes_hospital._I_assumed_her_therapist_(who_is_apparently_a_type_of_social_worker)_woulb_be_able_to_arrange_a_support_worker_or_carer_to_just_keep_an_eye_on_her_when things are approaching crisis. They seem very slow to act despite being very aware of my g/fs current state. If my g/f had some official support we could return to how things were before and not risk being accused of living together.
[/QUOTE]

I think you have to accept that things are in crisis now.
If you are able, please contact the head of the PD Treatment team, MIND, the head of her local CMHT, the advocacy service connected to the Trust that is treating her. You need to stress very forcefully how dire things are and get support for her to sort out her financial crisis.
This dreadful situation is not one that you, or your GF, can sort out on your own. It needs professional and powerful intervention.

jennikitten

mitch161 wrote: »

if you feel it is right for taxpayers to pay your mortgage then continue. BUT think about this

try searching for a job to pay the mortgage not a way for tax payers to pay your mortgage which you cannot afford. yes its tuff. but that again is the downside of a mortgage.

try reducing your overnigt stays and request another review. stop bringing overnight bags. wear last nights shirt and drive home for a shower and a morning cuppa'. y

Where did he say that tax payers were paying his mortgage?? He said he gets some help with council tax & that's it in the post above.

How would they know whether he wears last night's shirt or not?!

OuterNet

I just wanted to say that i've been reading this thread and want to send my best wishes to you and your girlfriend, I hope you both get through this.

Like a couple of other posters I am confused about why your arrangement with your girlfriend is considered co-habiting or even common law marriage (which as another poster pointed out doesn't exist). I had a relationship with my ex for 18 months, where like you we stayed together most weekends and one or other of our flats. There were no benefits involved, so this question didn't come up. But some people on this board seem to be saying that this is co-habiting.

To me, there is a massive difference between living alone and having a boyfriend or girlfriend stay over at weekends and living together (being together all the time, sharing all the bills and costs and care of their children). Living together is a permanent commitment and responsibility and if the relationship goes wrong could leave the O.P. or his partner homeless. My boyfriend and I we were two separate adults living separately and I would never have expected him to pay my bills or my rent just because we were dating, so I don't see how the council can effectively expect you to pay your g.f. rent!