Turning over a whole forest of leaves!

Nottoobadyet

Oh newly, love your diary!

Amazing how many people are in similar situations. I am leaving the country soon for work and my 6 year relationship has run its course (sadly, but really truly) but we have been unable to stop bieng a couple. Its just so hard to take that moving-out step when you still like/love each other so much, even when you know its the right thing to do. I so admire your strength in moving on and looking forward to the next step of your life.

Looking forward to seeing more of your adorable kitty as well!

NewlySingle

Thank you Nottoobadyet ~ it really helps when others understand and care enough to share their own experience. My family still don't get why I'm not wanting to push hubbie into the flat early or do the whole cold shoulder thing.

10 years of marriage isn't easily forgotten, just because he's decided he doesn't want to be with me any more, doesn't mean we both don't still have feelings for each other....

I truly hope the overseas work for you, will do the same thing I'm hoping my move to Worcester will do for me. That the distance will help the relationship end positively and naturally with us still able to be friends. :A

Last night I got some cut-price ham and some self-raising flour.
Mon 13th = £4.42 Made a delish dinner which Hubbie was late for, unlike past occasions I'd already eaten mine and he said
"it's my own fault mine isn't as nice, for turning up late" (you could've knocked me down with a feather).
Anyway the banana cake I made with the SR flour + some soon for the bin bananas certainly made up for it!

Recipie on Flickr under Banana Cake bigger pic

NewlySingle

Tuesday 14th - Blew £15 on a set of 3 pictures for the house
I knoew it was extravagant but I've been passing them in the shop window for the past 2 weeks and really wanted them.
Went out with friend for dinner but had a value steak and a single bottle of Budweiser £10
Total Cost £25

Wednesday 15th - being very good took sandwiches to work then bought a bottle of Diet Coke 80p but was planning on a £0 dinner from store cupboard. Got my nest of tables today too - a bit broke off in transit but the glass is intact and the broken bit can be glued back ~ yay for wood glue!
As soon as all my Chrsitmas commisions are done I can start on my "tables project" :T
Also got hubby a DVD box set for Chrimbo - I've got a box set for him every year so as this is our last "together" (kinda) Christmas I didn't want to spoil the tradition, £46.45 (it's best price at 33% off on Amazon & inc 1st class delivery)
Total Cost £47.25

Resisted buying any Amazon treats for myself

NewlySingle

Yesterday my laptop died - again....so this is the sorry tale of me "rationalising" buying a new one
(even though I should be spending no money and have a netbook.)
1) Time considering using the Netbook instead?
1 nanosecond
Reason I bought the Netbook? For when I was away and needed access to orders (used all of a weeks worth of time)...
The real reason the John Lewis Samsung Netbook was in the sale, it had a pretty pink pattern on
it's shiny sleek black case & I'm weak willed.
Unfortunately I can't use it in the shop as it's too tiny to see properly and not meaty enough for
the Ads and web work I do as part of the business.

2) Reason I don't fix the dead laptop....
It's 5 years old and cranky, some of the keys are held on with blue tack and I only had it fixed 5 months ago -
(so it's off to the land of Ebay soon). After a system wipe and reinstall it would be OK for web browsing or spares.

Hubby offered to give me £100 towards a new one and the Dell outlet shop are doing free delivery &
£25 off a refurbished machine. PLUS if I get it now then the vat is at 17.5%
AND it's for business use so I can claim the vat back
(see the shopping starved girl rationalise :rotfl:)

Anyhoooo here's the machine I picked (nothing to do with the Pink cover honest...
*fingers crossed behind back at this point*
Studio 1749 Genuine Windows 7 Home Premium (64 BIT)
Processor:Intel Core,i3-370M (2.4GHz, 3M/4 threads)
17.3in High Definition+ (1600X900) LED with TrueLife
MOD,SW,W7U64,DVD,MUI,NO-E
Optical Drive : 8X DVD+/-RW Drive including Roxio Burn software
MOD,INFO,NO MEDIA
4096MB (2x2048) 1067MHz DDR3 Dual Channel
500GB Serial ATA (7200RPM)
Genuine Windows 7 Home Premium (64 BIT)
Internal UK/Irish Qwerty Keyboard
LCD Back Cover Flamingo Pink Microsatin Finish
1 Yr Collect & Return Warranty
Graphics : 1 GB ATI Mobility Radeon HD 5650
Camera Integrated 2.0 Mega Pixel Camera
Battery Primary 6-cell 56W/HR LI-ION
Certified Refurbished

Total excl. VAT...... VAT Rate..... VAT .....Total incl. VAT
£ 445.50 .............17.50% ........£77.96.... £523.46
So although I'm paying out £523.46
my real cost will be £345.50 (for a £750+ pound system :T)

I also spent £70.48 but Hubby has given me that back as it was on my Christmas present from him (he doesn't use debit cards)
Complete Dr Who seasons 1-4 with darling Tennant as the Doctor :smileyheaAND the Tennant specials....

I went essential shopping on the way home - £9.94
That made a cake and fed me for 2 meals (getting better at food costs which is handy with the laptop spend:o)

Thursday 16th Dec Total cost: £603.88 :eek:
but once cheque from hubby has cleared and vat is claimed back that will go down to
£355.44 (still a lot but with shiny new laptop to show for it)

Nic x

beanielou

Im getting very confused as to wether you are on or off as a couple!

NewlySingle

Hubby decided in August that he no longer wants to be with me (but still loves me, in his own way). Unfortunately his choice has resulted in my life being turned upside down ~ loss of husband & home, moving back to Worcester and trying to sell my business / find a new income.

When he told me in August I was completely devastated. His decision is out of my control how I deal with it (i.e. with as much dignity as possible) is my choice.

The assets are unequally split in his favour, but I need to leave asap and it was the quickest way to do it . The whole situation is so difficult for me emotionally that I often have days where I still burst into tears.
He still cares for me and is incredibly guilty about the whole situation, he's trying to help out financially (where he can). I still love and care for him, hence me trying to get him a nice Christmas gift and him wanting to get me something too (we both love Doctor Who and he wanted to get me the box set for Christmas as it's something we both share).

A huge part of me still wishes Hubbie would come to his senses and say it's all been a mistake but I'm not even sure how I'd deal with that. He still hasn't told me WHY he's made his decision, I'm not even sure he knows himself. I asked him again today if he's sure it's what he wants, he said "sometimes he's not sure". I asked if he'd consider counselling, but he said he doesn't believe in it and he doesn't think it would help...

It feels like he's wrecking 10 years of marriage over a mid-life crisis, in the mean time he goes out with the boys 3 or 4 nights a week and is acting like a bachelor. Sitting at home alone is not good when I'm in this frame of mind.
Sometimes writing my "MSE Diary" & reading others diaries, is the only thing that keeps me focused on the positive things that will eventually come as I get my life back again...

The true answer is as far as I know we're off as a couple, as husband & wife and as people who'll grow old together.
Some days it doesn't feel like that....maybe it's part of the process of us both dealing with it + trying to work together in the same shop without going mad.

I'm kind of looking forward to finally being in Worcester, in a way it will make it real ~ it will probably be more painful again, but at least it will be real as opposed to this not a relationship, but in a relationship ~ marriage but not together thing we have now.

If you're more confused than ever, then sorry, it's difficult to explain when I don't know what's going on or how either of us feels from one day to the next....

Nic x

beanielou

Thank you for sharing that.

NewlySingle

Thank you for asking beanielou ~ explaining was actually quite cathartic and for once I'm glad hubby isn't in tonight (snot bubbles are sooooo unattractive)

beanielou

It must be a very difficult situation to be in.
Take care.

startagain_2

Hi Newly,

I have just come across your thread whilst enjoying my once a week trawl through MSE and I would like to say how much I enjoyed reading it. It must be so hard for you with your hubby being so close all the time and knowing that he wants out.
I am desperately trying to end a long term, long distance, relationship so I can concentrate on rebuilding a life here and finding new friends but I just can't seem to make the final move. It is tough.
I have learned that, in life, there are so many ups and downs it really is like a rollercoaster. When things got tough here I used to book a flight and go and visit my BF. At times I would borrow to afford the trips and ended up in a lot of debt when I was made redundant from a job I loved. I had to go bankrupt a couple of years ago. I have learned to live within financial rules and limitations and now have a job that I enjoy very much but is less demanding. I too have a new flat and have enjoyed refurbing that over the last 18 months into a little palace that I can call home.. I have adopted a super little JR terrier who is the most amazing company.
I have sessions with an amazing psychologist regularly and he has helped me see that I have to lay solid foundations in my own life if things are to remain steady or else it will all come tumbling down - again!
I often feel lucky that I have been given a second chance and am determined to make a success of things this time. Just taking one day at a time is my main thought and that is what I try and stick to. Not dwelling on the past and trying not to think of the "what ifs" that may or may not lay ahead.
Sorry to bumble but please keep posting.
My best wishes....

SA