Mentally Ill friend

poppyscorner

Just wanted to send some sympathy OP and reiterate how lucky your friend is to have you !

I have suffered from PND too and have gone through some(but not all) of what your friend is going through, I would also advise the GP to be a port of call as well as the health visitor both of mine were invaluable to me. It's been 7yrs since I was ill now and although I have sad days they are no different to what anyone else suffers.

Our family have accessed mental health services for an uncle who appears to be having recurrent mental health episodes and also has borderline LD they section him take him to hospital who magically "fix him" and discharge a few weeks later were on that merry go round for the forseeable future.

Also have a friend whose brother died earlier this year and he cannot cope with it they were so close he has begged for help he wants to end his life and he told them so he says his emotions are such that he will "either hurt himself or someone else" and despite him presenting at the local unit they turn him away saying he hasn't got a problem.

It's such a hard system to navigate you're way through and well done you for not turning a blind eye and doing you're best to help.

Good luck xx

busiscoming2

Your friend is very lucky to have you, although I know you probably feel pretty helpless. I know nothing about SS or mental health teams, but I wanted to wish you well and I hope your friend gets the help she needs.

I would be more inclined to worry about the effect this is having on the children. Maybe approaching the school, with mum and asking how the children are in school. Possibly if the school has concerns they can notify the SS? Just an idea.

Indie_Kid

You've not mentioned the younger childs' father - is he around? Does he know what's going on? Even having the children for a few days will take the stress off her.

poog

Thank-you for all your kind words, In response to Aaron M, Im not really sure what the point is, but it meant i could get some sleep so it just helped to let it out.

The children are 3 & 8 months, 3 yr old goes to nursery mon-fri 9-5 but usually more like 11-5 & baby goes 9-12 on a monday and 9-5 on a wednesday, this gives her a much needed break from them and them from her and gives her a chance to scream/cry/shout jump around or whatever without it affecting the children.
She tries as much as she can to not let it affect the kids, they both seem perfectly happy and loving but im sure they pick up on stuff.

She does have a partner but has stopped opening upto him as he is getting greif from colleaques at work and that is getting him down. He will lose his job if he has any more time off work this year after having to have alot of time off looking after her. They cant cope financially if she doesnt go back to work now her Maternity pay has finished. They worked out it would be best if she went back for 16 hours it would make them ok but anymore made them about £500+ worse off a year as the hours went off and the same if she works anyless. Her work wont let her just do 16hours so they are not sure what to do now.

She spoke to Mind who said there was about a 6-8month waiting list for conselling & she jokingly said to me she might pretend to be an alcoholic to see if she will get more supprt that way.

Her mum told her genius that she is, that she cant keep asking for help and just needs to keep under the radar or the SS are just going to swoop in and take the children and get them adopted so she'll never see them again. Which hasnt helped at all.

I think she's just reached the end of her tether now, shes had problems since early teen years, no-one is consistant nobody who can help cares and she feels gulity that its affecting the people she cares about, their finances are a complete mess and I just don't know whats going to happen next. There is no-way her bf could cope if she was hospitalised with the kids on his own, the nursery cant pick up any more childcare and he cant take the time off work or they'll be in even more of a mess. She is scared that her state in the workplace could mean somebody has an accident or worse dies, and I don't think she's ever forgive herself if that happened.

We are just lost now.

ema_o

I had a similar problem, it is very hard to get proper help for people who need it. I contacted Mind and they gave me' a lot of useful information over the phone. I would recommend giving them a call to start off with.

Also it is good for your friend that you are looking out for her.

I also think if your friend could be persuaded to show your post to her GP and explain this is how she feels that might help.

Indie_Kid

poog wrote: »

Her mum told her genius that she is, that she cant keep asking for help and just needs to keep under the radar or the SS are just going to swoop in and take the children and get them adopted so she'll never see them again. Which hasnt helped at all.

I can't believe her mum said that. Taking children away is a last resort. She's more likely able to have the children stay with her and just get help from SS. (which I think is what she needs)

Her health should come before deciding whether to go back to work due to money.

Are SS involved at all?

poog

No they arent because her bf is not ill i think so he's just expected to keep everything together. Her mum os a police officer as well so whilst friend know that thats BS and most the stuff her mum says is its difficult when its coming from your mum anyway especially as she & her step-dad are both Police Officers, TBH I think friend would rather the kids went into FC than spent any length of time with her parents she doesnt rate them at all.

poppyscorner

poog wrote: »

Her mum told her genius that she is, that she cant keep asking for help and just needs to keep under the radar or the SS are just going to swoop in and take the children and get them adopted so she'll never see them again. Which hasnt helped at all.

I have an aunty who said this exact same thing to me, this was further reinforced by a GP (who was my G.P at the time) who told me that if I wasn't happy now I had a baby then the answer was simply to take the baby away !! My health visitor had to deal with the consequences of what he said and supported me to make a complaint and change G.P's it set me back loads.

My heart really does go out to you I don't know quite what to suggest tbh. Financially is she reaching out for help ? I would never advocate anyone getting involved in anyone elses financial business but if she wants you to help in that respect would you ? I know its incredibly difficult but if her health is as bad as this then no she should not be at work she should be on sick leave money shouldn't be an issue easier said than done though I know if she went on sick leave would tax credits not change to accomodate a little for it until she got herself together a bit more ?

Sorry I'm probably rambling just feel the need to help a bit

xx

poog

I wish I could help but I cant, Her Nan could but she cant ask because of her mum, I think it would help if she could get onto ESA or DLA or something if she got those could she still get Childcare for the kids? the 3yr old starts her free education from Jan term time. so thats not such a problem but i think it would be a good idea for the baby to get out of the house and its the only time friend gets fresh air.

I am not close distance wise so can only help from afar but its just literally her the two kids and the bf on their own. We dont really know where to begin with the forms as she's placed back under the GP I wondred whether CAB would help her fill in the forms for ESA & DLA? She thinks she could just about cope with a trip into town on her own,as long as she doesnt go anywhere else.

She started a motnhs unpaid maternity leave today that just rund till after xmas but only becayse she will get paid two weeks holiday so its almost the same as her MA so we are running out of time to get anything set in place before she is due back.

Oh and I forgot to mention that last year she was in and out of recuss having what were suspected as strokes but I think it turned out it was hysteria episodes, she stil has them but doesnt go into hopsital anymore as they know that they will pass after 3-4 hours.

I guess the ESA and stuff would be better on the benefits board.

365days

Have you got a local sure start children's centre near you. They may be able to help in many ways. They have funds which maybe accessed to provide extra childcare. They also have outreach workers who can visit your friend and 'keep an eye on her'. They will also be a good 'key' for unlocking some of the services that may benefit your friend. The best way forward would be a CAF (Common assesment framework) for the 3 year old, even if she isn't showing any 'problems' this allows all agencies to get together and discuss the best way forward for mum. The child's nursery, or her HV can instigate this CAF as can the children's centre. A CAF would bring together all the people who have been involved with her in the past, GP, HV, SS, MHT in one room and discuss the best way forward with her.

Unfortunately you have seen first hand how people can be let down by the services. If you don't push hard it can be easy to be forgotten.