Hard to sum up - please read

Counting_Pennies_2

My first question is does the child not have any links with any professional through this. It does sound rather behind the times for there not to be some link in the system to refer families with directly bereaved children to Winstons Wish and other charities set up to assist in this way?

Has the little man had to transfer schools, or is he still able to go to his existing one? If he is still where he used to go then I would ask to speak with a Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator, every school has a teacher assigned to this (SENCO) they must surely have links to organisations, and hopefully they can help look out for the little one. If he has had to move schools he will have gone through some horrendous changes and perhaps if they aren't too far away he might be allowed to either go back to the school, or keep in touch with his friends and teachers.

It breaks my heart, he must feel so very isolated and alone, and indeed your friend.

I think she probably could do with going to some sort of help support group, and he needs so much support too.

I can't believe he has been left out on a limb like this, from what I can tell from the posts.

I think the key thing is for the dad to be able to provide lots of hugs, it might be shrugged off, but I suspect if persisted hugs are just what he needs and would relish, he has had to build up an awful lot of barriers to help him cope.

In terms of the photos I think it is a lovely idea and I wonder if he knows she has spotted them. If so then I wonder if while preparing supper, or just in the same room as one another she brings it up as a subject and asks if he would like to have them 'saved' in another form in case the machine breaks. Expect he might flounce off, it is very personal to him. I definitely wouldn't do it as a surprise. These are his very special memories, and belong to him, so always with his agreement.

If he absolutely refuses, if it is safe and she won't risk deleting them, then I would get them saved and locked in a safety deposit box somewhere, so if the machine should ever break, and he cries his heart out she can get hold of them, but categorically not for him to come across them as this is a breach of his trust.

hth

I have found the following links which I think would be essential to look at for your friend.

http://www.childbereavement.org.uk/

http://www.griefencounter.org.uk/

http://www.winstonswish.org.uk/

http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/PDFs/AGM08DT.pdf

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/physical_health/family/stepfamilies/step_becoming.shtml

RoxieW

Hi counting pennies.
As far as I know they have not had any help at all. Perhaps it has been offered but the dad has refused, he is quite a closed off person ?? I know social services were very briefly involved and also a macmillan nurse was involved with the family but the boy has had nothing in terms of grief counselling. My friend has definitely not heard of wins tons wish as I have text her tonight with that information.
Thankfully he is still at the same school. They live in the same area so at least that is familiar for him. His teacher is aware of the situation and says that he has just been quite quiet but nothing else.
Yes he knows that she saw one photo but not that she has looked through the rest. That is why it might be abit tricky as she doesn't want him to ink she's been snooping.

RoxieW

As far as the dad is concerned he really hasn't been great with his son tbh. Not horrible or anything but he is finding it hard to deal with the death of his ex and I think feels awkward expressing it around my friend so has shut off abit and is spending a lot of time at work etc. She is the one picking the little lad up from school etc and being there from him. She is just getting on with it but he is finding it more difficult I think.

shellsuit

Aww Roxie, your post really moved me, what a lovely caring lady your friend is and what a good friend you are for trying to help.

My DH lost his Mum at the same age to breast cancer too. It still upsets him now so Lord knows what he and this little lad are going through x

MatyMoo

shellsuit wrote: »

Aww Roxie, your post really moved me, what a lovely caring lady your friend is and what a good friend you are for trying to help.

My DH lost his Mum at the same age to breast cancer too. It still upsets him now so Lord knows what he and this little lad are going through x

Shellsuit

It sounds as though your DH would be in an ideal position to offer practical suggestions about how to help this little one. There really isn't anything better than real life experiences.

I didn't lose a parent at this age but my two brothers died as a result of a boating accident when I was 7. The things that I remember from then is being allowed to talk about them, being told that it was OK to be sad, having something of theirs (a jumper) to snuggle up in bed with, that nobody was dead as long as someone remembers them.

As I have grown older I am sad that my Mum didn't feel that it was appropriate for me to go to their funerals. I know she thought I was too young and made her decision for the best of reasons but it still makes me sad.

Sorry for going a bit off topic!

ailuro2

Couldn't she just save the pictures for now, as a back up to the DSi ones, and later on when they are a bit further along the grieving process she can ask him whether he would like a printed copy of them or not.

She can also "save" them online on a photo storage site as a secondary back-up.;)

Sambucus_Nigra

RoxieW wrote: »

That is why it might be abit tricky as she doesn't want him to ink she's been snooping.

In that case, maybe in a while you could go round or have him round yours and talk about picture books [show him iphoto and play a bit] and say you are thinking of making one and gently ask if he has any photos that he thinks he might want in a book.....plant the seed and let him make the connection. Leave it with him that if he thinks of any, then perhaps he would like to make a book himself later on...and you will help him do it.

Threebabes

Poor little boy. Your friend sounds lovely tho, very thoughtful.

Another one to vote for a photobook, loads of places do them.

x

jackieglasgow

What about one of those photoblankets, maybe it would be really comforting for the wee boy to have his mummy wrapped round him? They could also find pictures of him and his mum together from brith until he lost her to put on it?

hitatotatus

Just thought to mention - saw something on Children in Need last night about a little girl of 11 whose father had died. Brought tears to my eyes. She received support and was in a group of others in a similar situation. Some of the earlier links will help or maybe you could enquire though Children in Need directly. Even if the father doesn't want help this should not stop the little boy taking it. The little girl in last night's programme was heartbroken but seemed to benefit from receiving professional support.