Immoral_angel's Debt Diary

immoral_angeluk

Can't believe it I just wrote a huge post only for it to f***ing disappear! ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!

I'M SO STRESSED have been looking at the budgets and realised I completely discounted £40 for an extra driving lesson and his instructors fee for the use of her car during his test. Meaning we have even less that I thought and I'm now seriously worried about affording Ashli's birthday. I just feel like crying I'm that stressed. It's so stupid. We're taking her to the safari park on sun the 18th and having a party for her on the 17th. I can't get my head around my budgets and I don't know what's where any more. I'm have a complete stressed numpty moment and can't think properly.. all my brain keeps thinking is OH MY GOD WE CAN'T AFFORD ASHLI'S BIRTHDAY I'M SUCH A BAD MUM. Argh! Doesn't help that I'm knackered from doing the middle of the night feed and still getting up at 7.30 and I just can't htink straight. Maybe if I write stuff down it'll help..
right...well..

we have..
£66.90 in bank
£432 wages that should go in tomorrow (That's stressing me out as well.)
= 489.10?

Minus...
£112.05 food budget
£20 petrol budget
£60 for ste's lessons and test
£165.04 for bills
£9.80 to replace food money used from debt account
=£366.89?

Leftover - £122.21 / 21 days (3 weeks) = £5.81 a day or £40 a week. :eek:

Christ. The safari park alone is £19 just for Ste and and I's tickets (Ash is free) let alone MIL's and that's without spending money. then what about the party?

We're going to have to use the debt account. God I hate having to say that. I am not letting my stupid mistakes ruin Ashli's birthday. I just want to cry. How stupid is that. I feel like i've let us all down. I just don't see any other way of doing it unless Ashli gets some money for her birthday and we can use that.

Let me work out what's in/going in the debt account before Ash's birthday
£270.10 cleared at the moment
£82.43 in the process of clearing
£9.80 when I get paid to replace money used for food.
£82.43 from tc next weds
£66 from £2 tin that needs banking.
= £510.76.

What is wrong with me? my brain just won't let me use the debt account. I don't see it as our money because I've spent so long putting it away and paying things off with it I've become detached from it. The tv and delivery comes to £501 and my brain sees the money in there as not ours and won't let me even contemplate using it.


Have just spoken to Ste on the phone and we're going to use the £2 fund for Ash's birthday. So we'll have £66 to spend between the safari park and her party. Will mean we've got £444.76 come weds.

What kind of mother risks her daughter's birthday because of her stupid stupid obsessiveness with saving money.

elantan

oh ia hunny massive hug to you ...your a mum in a million ...i cant think of anything else to say i'm sorry i'm sitting here crying again (what is it with this place) but want to send you a huge hug

elantan

oh ia hunny massive hug to you ...your a mum in a million ...i cant think of anything else to say i'm sorry i'm sitting here crying again (what is it with this place) but want to send you a huge hug

Snaggles

immoral_angeluk wrote:

OH MY GOD WE CAN'T AFFORD ASHLI'S BIRTHDAY I'M SUCH A BAD MUM.

NO. YOU. ARE. NOT!!!!!

I haven't even read the rest of your post yet lol, I just had to respond to that bit! You are an amazing Mum, you are doing soooo much to give your girls a good life. Don't forget, she's TWO....she wont even remember this birthday when she's older. All she cares about at that age is that she's safe, warm, well fed and knows that Mummy and Daddy love her.

I'll read the rest of your post and reply more in a minute

gettingitsorted

IA dont beat yourself up over Ashli's birthday,you have done ever so well since baby k came into the world with your debt busting and lack of sleep and looking after ste and the girls.We all have little hicups at times but you have it sorted now so you really shouldnt keep condeming yourself ,i have certainly done the same sort of thing as im sure alot of others reading this have .

Snaggles

Sorry, the site collapsed on me so I couldn't reply!

Immoral, do what you have to do - this is just a little set-back, you are doing so well, please don't let this get you down.

You are a great Mum, you really have to start believing that.....if you weren't, you wouldn't even be worrying like this.

Enjoy Ashli's birthday, keep the spending to a minimum, and if you have to put the debt repayment back a month, it's really not the end of the world.

You're not stupid or obsessive, you are just caught up in trying to sort out your finances, so that you CAN give your family the lifestyle you want......what's so stupid or bad-motherly (making up my own words now because I'm so desperate to get my point across lol) about that???!!!

elantan

i agree with what snaggles said i've fianlly stopped crying and re-read your thread...i just wish you could see in yourself what everyone else here does ...chin up hun it'll work out fine

themaccas

IA, I noticed you were going to buy a freeview box?......we have a spare freeview box.......! It is in the loft gathering dust and I was going to put in on freecycle. If you want it I would be more than happy to give it to you (I don't want anything for P&P either)

If you want it, let me know by pm and I'll gladly send it to you.
hugs
x

Snaggles

Sending you a (((HUG))) too elantan.....we are all strangers and for the most part have never met, but we get so involved in each others problems, and it's so heart-breaking to see someone getting stressed or upset about something that's not their fault, when they are trying so hard to do the right thing.

Snaggles

That's really lovely themaccas!