Everything's gone wrong

MCMitten

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

at 18 I don't think she's probably mature enough to understand about it being a career and making a living for real. Goodness at 18 I just wanted to earn money enough to cover my housekeeping for my mum and my social life :rotfl:

I think I maybe expecting too much of her at the age of 18. Things between me and her at this age were completely different. I was living miles away from family, had my own house/bills etc and was expecting DS. She on the other hand still lives at home and gets all her washing/cooking done for her.

Errata

Michele - your're welcome and thank you. Family business's can often be horrific, and your difficulties reminded me of the Mary Portas episodes when she tried to sort out ones being run by familes - the sisters greengrocers in particular!

It sounds like regular 'state of play' meeings are needed, and if I was involved in your business I'd insist on a quick one at the start of business every day and a lengthy one weekly. The business is new and it's still on a shakedown cruise which is testing all parts of the systems and uncovering which parts need change/improvent/complete redesign.
Taking the Halloween debacle - this should have been in the work plan from day 1 with regular status updates, so I'm left wondering what the forward plan for the next 12 months looks like, and indeed if one exists.
Clearly there's a lot that needs to be discussed and sorted out by all the key players, and as a minimum a thorough risk assessment needs doing to give a starting point for discussion and those involved have to ask the others what they need to do to improve their performance. It may be that you and your sister will never be able to work in harness in a business (have to say here, my brother and I would have killed each other the first week). HTH

Bitsy_Beans

michele_stewart wrote: »

I think I maybe expecting too much of her at the age of 18. Things between me and her at this age were completely different. I was living miles away from family, had my own house/bills etc and was expecting DS. She on the other hand still lives at home and gets all her washing/cooking done for her.

Which I think perhaps needs to be pointed out to her. This is your career not a pet project which is quickly going into meltdown due to her being allowed to act like a spoilt brat. Is she allowed to throw tantrums at home with your mum because if I'd have been like that my mum would have shown me the door..........

Your sisters behaviour needs to improve but also you and your mum need to change too - people behave in a manner they are allowed to.
I hope you can resolve this for the sake of what sounds like a good business.

MCMitten

Errata wrote: »

Taking the Halloween debacle - this should have been in the work plan from day 1 with regular status updates, so I'm left wondering what the forward plan for the next 12 months looks like, and indeed if one exists.

This is another area that frustrates me. I like to be organised and know what we're doing well ahead of time, whereas my sister struggles to make decisions and mum is of the attitude 'we'll deal with that later'. It's the way they've always been. The finances are looking better and we know what's coming up for the next year, but when it comes to the windows etc. everything has always been last minuite which I find very stressful. It's like the occasion I asked if she would be better missing out on the swan display and give herself more time for the xmas one- she almost ate me alive:rotfl:
Anyhooo in light of this weeks events, the xmas display will now be discussed at next wks meeting, cutting it fine as usual!!!!!

Errata

Look at it this way, and it may be a way to get the others to understand what's what.

The shop is the vehicle
The product is the petrol
The staff are the oil
The forward planning is the road map

All these components need to be in place and working effectively .
Good to hear the financial side of things is bearing up, something's going right.

MCMitten

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

Is she allowed to throw tantrums at home with your mum because if I'd have been like that my mum would have shown me the door..........

Your sisters behaviour needs to improve but also you and your mum need to change too - people behave in a manner they are allowed to.

Oh yes she throws these tantrums at home, but funnily enough there's no way mum would've allowed me to have behaved like that!!! My mum's a very different person from what she used to be, she's easier to talk to but has become a bit too easy going IYKWIM I think mum now just caves in for the sake of peace. I did try helping mum to assert herself abit more when it came to the washing. I found her upset one day because my sister had a go at her for not having an apron cleaned. Mum has given up fighting the battle as she claims it's less hasstle to just get on with it. I will make comments to both my brother and sister about using the washing machine, but my sisters answer is 'my clothes are expensive and I dont want to ruin them' [Sigh] God forbid anything happened to mum- I wouldn't be bloomin washing their clothes that's for sure!

I've found i'm of the variety that engages gob before brain but I have been trying very hard lately by thinking about what I say before I say it and making sure I phrase it appropriately. Wow i've never had to concentrate so hard on how I speak to someone, i've always got on really well with people I meet, oh well :cool:

FatVonD

Something i did at a course here at work once (it has a name but I can't for the life of me remember it ) was where you put 3 pieces of paper on the floor, A,B and C. You stand on A and say what you perceive the problem to be from your point of view. You then move to B and get inside your sister's head and say what you think she's thinking and what her grievances are. ('She leaves at 3pm whether the work's done or not' etc, etc) Finally you step on C and say, as an objective observer, what needs to be done to remedy the situation. I don't know if it will help you but it helped me!

I also think your mum is a little at fault here, your sister lives with her yet she still allows her to arrive at lunchtime? Your mum should also be backing you up re the hard work you put in before opening. I do feel your sister has been given too much too young, if she'd had to graft in sh*tty jobs for years or stump up the capital herself she might appreciate it all a bit more!

Mojisola

michele_stewart wrote: »

I found her upset one day because my sister had a go at her for not having an apron cleaned. Mum has given up fighting the battle as she claims it's less hasstle to just get on with it.

She might feel that she's given up the battle but in reality she's going to be fighting it forever if she keeps giving in like this.

Perhaps if you can get the business on a more formal footing, your Mum will regain some power at home too.

The weekly meetings are a good start but it would still be worth getting an outside agency involved with making a business plan and defining staff roles.

heretolearn_2

I can't add much more other than what has already been said. Other than you both need to start treating it as a real business/job. That means job titles, clear job descriptions and roles, and both acting like grown-up managers. If that doesn't happen, then your business is going to fail, and you'll have wasted a couple of years, wrecked your relationship, and end up in debt. Seen it so many times.

Personally, I'd rather shoot myself in the head than go into business with any 18 year old.

Couldn't your mum set you up in separate businesses and you each go your own way?

Charlie1978

I would actually look at this as an opportunity. Your mum has been round and asked you to think about things so obviously she doesn't want to let you go. This is your chance to stake your claim in part of the business. Set some boundaries and assert yourself into a position you feel comfortable in.

Your sister is obviously the 'creative' one when it comes to thinking up designs and making the actual chocolates. But you have studied Art so I presume you can draw? Let her imagine the display and you draw it out. Between the two of you you can create your masterpiece window display and then you can start on the background needs whilst she creates the chocolates. Job done in half the time!

Also - stop agreeing with her or letting her get her way because you're worried about a temper tantrum. This is not the way businesses are run and when you sit down you need to go through all this. Tell them that you love the job, you even love her chocs (a compliment goes a long way ) but you feel the place for you has no authority and you need to feel like an equal partner in the family business venture. Tell them you have a lot to offer. I'd go in with some ideas on how to spruce the place up and perhaps some special offers coming up to Christmas. Show them what you're made of and what an asset you are to them.

I always liked the thought of a hand made personalised advent calendar - food for thought? (pun intended).

Either way, do NOT give up your role in this company when you've worked off your butt and taken no pay for that long to ensure the business is a success. I feel your mum knows this and knows the business NEEDS you in order to survive. It's yin and yang. You just need to find the middle ground where your job is something you love rather than a chore because of who you are working with. Believe me, it is possible. All you have to do is sit down and politely explain everything. Ask that you be heard without interruption and then they respond afterwards when you're done. At least then you can get everything out that you want to say.

And if your sister throws a hissy fit then that will say more about her than it will about you. Point out that you are all grown adults and that there is a place for you all. That you value everyone's contribution but need to feel that your contribution is an asset too. Also point out to your mum that you thought the venture was supposed to be an opportunity for both your sister and you to have a new kind of life. But you don't feel like you have been given the opportunities yet to be able to continue in the role.

Above all remain calm. Remain professional. Put your points across and show them what you've got! Good luck!