Everything's gone wrong

balletshoes

While I think its a lovely idea, I know in reality there is no way on this earth I could work every day with any of my family (and I'm really close to all of them).

All 3 of you should really try to talk this through and sort out who is responsible for what, (kind of like drawing a line down the centre of the room when you're kids having to share a bedroom). Then agree to butt out of anything thats the others responsibility.

Maybe even persuade your Mum to come in as a participating partner as well ie have 3 opinions going into the pot, not just 2 opposing views.

Good Luck, and if it doesn't work out, don't blame yourself - if you all can make a long-term success out of this together with your sister/Mum, you're in the minority, honestly .

Errata

she has the window display (I couldn't be bothered with the drama if I didn't agree) and produces the product that we sell.

Have I understood this correctly? It's a chocolate shop and she makes all the product and does all the window displays? If that's the case, she's may be totally knackered and stressed. What do you and your mum do in the shop?

pinkshoes

Strange question, but did you and your sister actually communicate much BEFORE the business idea? It seems that all the communication between you is done via your mum...

I think a crisis meeting is the way forward, as it sounds like the issue is a communication problem between you and your sister, and how you see your roles within the business. With your mum as mediator, why don't you both put down your ideas on paper on how you see it working, and define both your roles, and what is expected of each other.

Your sister is quite clearly the creative one here, but perhaps isn't good at putting across her vision, hence her frustration, where as you feel frustrated as she's the creative one, are trying to help, but don't seem to communicate with your sister before doing something.

Anyway, COMMUNICATION REQUIRED!!!

belfastgirl23

I agree with what the others say about communication. But before that I also think you need to step back and look at your own role in all of this. Any fight has two people involved in it. It seems to me that in your post you're putting all the blame on your sister and her strops. But I'd say try to take a cold hard look at yourself and your own behaviour. No one is perfect and if you're totally honest with yourself, are you sure that you also were completely blameless? Perhaps it's also worth asking for honest feedback from your mum first and then from your sister. And trying to listen openly to it and take it on board. I'm not saying you have to take responsibility for everything but I do think you need to take responsibility for the elements of it that are yours and hope that your sister can do the same.

I also have to say if this is your sister's dream, why are you working there at all? Sorry to be so harsh but is any of it your dream or did you not have a dream and this seemed like a good enough option? Not saying this is the case, just saying it might be worth reflecting on.

I really hope you get it sorted!

MCMitten

Any fight has two people involved in it. It seems to me that in your post you're putting all the blame on your sister and her strops. But I'd say try to take a cold hard look at yourself and your own behaviour.

I totally agree so I sat down with mum a few wks ago and asked 'what am I doing to make her like this towards me?' I've since thought about how I am phrasing something before I speak, i've kept out of the way upstairs so as to avoid conflict and i've tried asking if all's ok, but it doesn't seem to have changed anything. Also her boyfriend works with us- the first 3 weeks the poor boy just got it in the neck constantly. He's looking for a new job and is having councelling- so it's not just me.

Your sister is quite clearly the creative one here, but perhaps isn't good at putting across her vision, hence her frustration, where as you feel frustrated as she's the creative one, are trying to help, but don't seem to communicate with your sister before doing something.

She has always had a problem with low self esteem but she seems to be getting over that one slowly. Her chocolates are fantastic and she's getting lots of positive feedback from customers. I dont feel frustrated about her being good at what she does (i'm creative too:D 5 years at art college- probably better spent learning how to cook properly:o) i've stepped back from the kitchen, the chocolates and the window display because she was so enthusiastic about these things. I'm more than happy to let her get on with these things without any involvement from me- that's her part of the business not mine.

Have I understood this correctly? It's a chocolate shop and she makes all the product and does all the window displays? If that's the case, she's may be totally knackered and stressed. What do you and your mum do in the shop?

She makes the products-yes but mum will go in of an evening (after her full time job and make chocolate bars or lollies) mum also helps out with the window displays, does the banking/wages and orders stock.
I do stock take, deal with the customers, go in at 8.45 (once little one's at school) leave at 3pm to get DS, go home and do marketing, source materials and other computer work all this along with being a single parent to a child with ADHD who has more clubs than I can get him to.
Sister arrives when she likes (has been 12.45pm most days the past couple of weeks) and leaves at 6pm goes home and enjoys her evenings at the cinema or at her boyfriends.
It was her choice to do the window displays- but to be honest once she's made the chocolate she stands back and tells everyone where to hang and put stuff. So yes she may be stressed, but we all are and are not going about treating people like dirt.

CRANKY40

If she wants to continue in business then you will need more help. I will send you a link by PM for a business that belongs to a friend of mine. Maybe you all need to have a good look at it - you, your sister and your mum. This lady started off making chocolates in her cellar at night when the children were in bed....then she opened a tiny shop and started doing farmers markets.

It would be a shame to chuck it all in just because your sister is behaving like a typical teenager, which she is.

Hugs.

Errata

I think you are all going to have to forget that you're related and sit down together as a matter of great urgency and sort out what appears to be a crisis situation, whilst you still have a business.

MCMitten

Mum has been round and has said to me to take a couple of days off to think things through. It will also give my sister a chance to deal with things on her own.

Sorry I have to say something. I don't think you should end it. You have worked damned hard for this and why should she reap the benefits of your hard work. Don't give up so easily. Its not her business - its yours jointly.

Thankyou- I really dont want to give up but it's just so difficult dealing with the mood swings constantly. I dont know whether i'm coming or going and it's getting me down. We usually have weekly meeting but these haven't taken place for a couple of weeks so maybe that's had an effect on things.

Draw lines in the sand and define resposibilities, let her know you will not let her interefere in things that aren't her responsibility and in return make sure you give her free reign to be as creative as she likes

She has made it clear that this wont be happening. I told her today that I dont interfere in the chocolates, the window display or the running of the kitchen- the response I got was 'Well that's your choice isn't it'. She will come upstairs and start moving things around the shelves and when I get in in the morning things are shifted .We have a small seating area where people can enjoy hot chocolate, coffee etc, this was meant to be my thing but even that is being scrutinised (sp?) and messed with. That's why I feel like I dont have a mark on the place because whenever I do something she comes along and has a temper or changes it when i've gone.

I'm emotional and tired and off to bed before my head starts to ache. Thankyou for everyones advice- I feel a bit more positive.

Mojisola

michele_stewart wrote: »

She has made it clear that this wont be happening. I told her today that I dont interfere in the chocolates, the window display or the running of the kitchen- the response I got was 'Well that's your choice isn't it'. She will come upstairs and start moving things around the shelves and when I get in in the morning things are shifted .We have a small seating area where people can enjoy hot chocolate, coffee etc, this was meant to be my thing but even that is being scrutinised (sp?) and messed with. That's why I feel like I dont have a mark on the place because whenever I do something she comes along and has a temper or changes it when i've gone.

Time for you to learn from her, I think. Tell her she doesn't have a choice - you are both in the business and, if you want to succeed, you have to work together. If she won't, either get out or give her a taste of her medicine and feel free to interfere with her stuff. Let her go ballistic about it and point out that she now knows how you feel.

As an aside, has anyone ever mirrored her behaviour back to her? I have seen a girl shocked beyond words by someone copying her normal, "teenage toddler" reaction back to her. She was completely embarrassed because she just "went off on one" whenever it suited her and hadn't realised what a pratt she looked like when she did and how pathetic it made her look. It might not work with your sister but it might be very therapeutic for you!

mountainofdebt

The other option for you to consider is rather than walking away from it completely, why not become an employee of the shop ?

That way, you can still be involved but instead of getting all stressed about the way your sister wants to run the business, she can run it whatever way she wants to and have all the responsibilty as well.

(It may be that by showing her that the work is better done when its shared out she rethinks her attitude).