Struggling as a single mum

Wilma33

SingleMumOf2 wrote: »

Stupid me signed a solicitors letter stating when he has the kids so he could get JSA. So now I have that worry added on top of everything else.
Plain and simple really.. I am stupid in that sense.. I knew deep down I shouldnt do it, but pressure got on top of me and I signed. And shout at myself every day for it.. as now he is mentioning money daily and hinting he wants half of my benefits.

How has a solicitors letter led to him getting JSA? What have you told the benefits people and what is the truth? Don't put yourself through more stress/worry so he gets more money! Have a "change in circumstances". You don't need to say you lied in the past. (Sorry if I have misunderstood this bit!)

Loopy_Girl

SingleMumOf2 wrote: »

Stupid me signed a solicitors letter stating when he has the kids so he could get JSA. So now I have that worry added on top of everything else.
Plain and simple really.. I am stupid in that sense.. I knew deep down I shouldnt do it, but pressure got on top of me and I signed. And shout at myself every day for it.. as now he is mentioning money daily and hinting he wants half of my benefits.

You have asked this a few times before and been told that he can't get half. Plain and simple. Let him moan. You get his benefits and he gets his. If he is unhappy about the way they are dished out then suggest he goes to his MP as you can't help! Ignore him when he 'hints'. There is nothing stopping him getting a job to be honest. Plenty Dads (and Mums) out there work and manage to see their kids.
If, as you say he is using the kids to get out of working, then on his head be it for being skint.

You need to toughen up where he is concerned. He is not entitled to half your money and it's end of.

I don't see why you are worrying about the sols letter? Providing you have told the truth then just put it out your head - it's done now.

What about making a rota and schedule up for yourself and pinning it to the fridge? You may feel better if you have some kind of order to your days (hard with a teeny tot I know but you get the drift).

You take control of your side of things, let him do his thing, co-parent as you are doing.

Loopy_Girl

SingleMumOf2 wrote: »

Lauren I have a swing that swing with a vibrate option. He ends up in this for alot of the time as its the only thing to help him sleep when he is screaming blue murder. He is in it as I am typing this. Its a nightmare when the batteries run out though.. I really should buy spares in.

Better to get rechargable batteries...costly initially but will save you £ in the long run

SingleMumOf2_3

Tbh I think its him "scaring" me into believing what he tells me. Some on here have said I should be paying him child benefit and tax credits for the days that he has my eldest.. but if I were to do that I would be unable to make ends meet bills and food wise... so I dont.
CAB have done my income and expenditure so I have £50 left every month after bills and food. But he see's it that he is entitled to that money. Though so far I have not found anything legal to state I "need" to pay him the money for the days he has him.
I know some may see it as wrong. But he has help with his rent and council tax and JSA. He has the option to work, but chooses not to. Whereas I have no choice right now.. not until baby is at least a little bit older.

Accountant_Kerry

i am very lucky and have a 5 month old, and a husband who works part time, I am on maternity leave at the moment, however i still get mega stressed, DD had colic as well. If i was in your position i would have cracked up by now.
YOU ARE DOING BRILLIANTLY. Don't let people stress you out, being a mum is hard, you will get through. xxx

SingleMumOf2_3

Loopy do they do rechargable batteries for C type? I have only ever noticed ones for AA or AAA

January20

SingleMumOf2 wrote: »

Tbh I think its him "scaring" me into believing what he tells me. Some on here have said I should be paying him child benefit and tax credits for the days that he has my eldest.. but if I were to do that I would be unable to make ends meet bills and food wise... so I dont.
CAB have done my income and expenditure so I have £50 left every month after bills and food. But he see's it that he is entitled to that money. Though so far I have not found anything legal to state I "need" to pay him the money for the days he has him.
I know some may see it as wrong. But he has help with his rent and council tax and JSA. He has the option to work, but chooses not to. Whereas I have no choice right now.. not until baby is at least a little bit older.

I remember one of your previous posts where you asked about the solicitor's letter and were advised not to sign it by people on here. If I remember correctly your ex wanted you to state he had the children 50% of the time when in fact he has them 3 days and 3 nights. Did you lie then as you signed the letter?

Honestly? what's the point of you posting on here, getting various opinions, often conflicting opinions and then going ahead and doing exactly what your ex wants you too? I'm sure if you're on benefits you could go and see a solicitor on legal aid, a family solicitor and then get the correct advice, which you might then follow? After all your ex seems to be able to use the services of a solicitor!

As somebody else said before, you need to grow some regarding your ex.
Why do you listen to him when it's quite clear he'll tell you anything to make you do what he wants? It's like you feel responsible for him? Or guilty?
Why should you give him the extra £50 you have? What if you have an emergency? It's YOUR money - not his. And you know he DOESN'T want to get a job so... tough!
He is an adult man. He makes his choices. Why should you, as his ex and looking after the children most of the time, subsidise him?

SingleMumOf2_3

January I did my own letter so he could get his JSA and get back paid. I stated in the letter than he currently has my eldest 3 days and 3 nights.. and my youngest 4 hours a week. I did not put he has 50/50 custody.. instead I stated days and times that he takes them, and days and times that they are brought back. It was my family solicitor who signed it and went through it with me. He said the only problem I may incur is if I decide to decrease the contact in the future.. and I can only see this being a problem once they start school.

I know I need to grow some.. I am a strange person that just cannot grow a back bone.. hopefully one day this will change.
And I do take advice on here, I just dont always show it. Or sometimes it seems impossible to carry out certain advice because I end up being influenced by silly people. I am sorry.

Loopy_Girl

SingleMumOf2 wrote: »

CAB have done my income and expenditure so I have £50 left every month after bills and food. But he see's it that he is entitled to that money. Though so far I have not found anything legal to state I "need" to pay him the money for the days he has him.

That £50 is for your debts.

You will not find anything stating that you need to pay him any portion of your benefits as it doesn't exist.

Once again....YOU are the main carer as you have the children for 4 nights which means YOU are entitled to IS and all associated Tax Credits. You do NOT HAVE to (legally or morally) give him a portion of the benefits you receive when he has the children.
If he keeps pestering you then you just have to keep repeating that your benefit money is yours.

(p.s I'm pretty sure you can get rechargable for C...Argos maybe? or eBay?)

SingleMumOf2_3

Thank you.. I will grow a back bone and tell him to pl op off lol. I think when my mood is low.. and my confidence is a bit shot.. then I end up feeling a bit vunerable with it all. And even when I have been told already how things are.. sometimes it will still be dwelled upon and worried about.
I am generally just a worrier I suppose. Which I guess is a bad thing. But is something only I can change.