Struggling as a single mum

SingleMumOf2_3

Please tell me it gets better? I am exhausted. My eldest goes to dads 3 days and nights a week which jelps tons. But still I feel drained.. run down.. ill.

My 3 month old is breastfed, but I am struggling to eat enough calories.. probably why I'm feeling ill.

I force myself to take my eldest out every single day. Even if just a walk into town and back. Because I feel so guilty when he is stuck indoors.

I get inpatient when he misbehaves and have a short temper because of stress and tiredness. And end up feeling so mean if I get to the stage of shouting. Normally I will just sit down and count to ten even if it means ignoring the kids completely.

The ex gives me constant stress by moaning all the time how rubbish his life is.. makes out I am rich because I am on benefits and asthough I have it easy.

My DRO still hasnt gone through since applying in Feb. I have constant debt letters coming through my door.. occassional reps knocking on demanding money.

Is it normal to feel fed up? I cant even do my studys atm.
I am def not depressed... just stressed. And I hate myself for it. I should be calm and patient with my kids.. and I should not feel so run down I should do more with them.

Sorry I really needed a rant I guess.

Caroline_a

Goodness, 2 little boys and studying... don't be hard on yourself. It is hard when they are little, and being on your own difficult enough too! Don't feel that you have to take the older one out every day, do something different inside. Baking is fun, and more calories for you! finger painting too, start teaching him to read with flash cards.

Then when they have a nap, take some time out for you - nothing fancy, a long bath, facemask, read a book. Things might not seem quite so bad then xx

lauren_1

How do you take the eldest out everyday when he's at his dads for 3 days and night?

SingleMumOf2_3

sorry i didnt mean everyday as in 7 days. i meant everyday hes with me. so 4 days out of 7. the 3 days i just have baby ill usually go out for 1.. so get shopping etc.
i try things like painting and baking. but baby has colic so crys unless being bounced or rocked. and leaving him to cry stresses me out even more.
i think things have just gotten on top of me. sorry for having a moan. im in no way ungrateful for having my amazing boys.

missbishi

lauren_1 wrote: »

How do you take the eldest out everyday when he's at his dads for 3 days and night?

I think what OP is asking for here is advice and support from others who have been in her situation, not an interrogation over the accuracy of her post. I took it to mean she takes the eldest out every day when she has him.

Dontknowanymore

Dont feel guilty for not taking the eldest out every day, it's not really necissary.
It does get easier, I have 2, but have my boys all the time, no days or nights off and although it is a struggle, it gets easier as they get older.

Loopy_Girl

Going on your past history I would urge you to seek help from your GP re PND.

You are actually getting alot of help from your ex re childcare etc so keep reminding yourself of that.

The DRO will go through....I know it's distressing getting debt collection letters but you ARE dealing with your debts - pat yourself on the back for that Ultimately it's only money - if you don't have it then you can't give it!!! There are worse things out there going on than people being in debt.

Look, you have a terrible 2's on your hands and a colickly newborn - don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing fine and ask for help if you need it.

So your 3 year old stays in for a whole afternoon and god forbid watches CBeebies the whole time - I promise he will not be scarred!!!

Take each day as it comes and don't put pressure on yourself (and I hope the ex isn't causing to much stress - I remember you from previous posts).

I'm a single Mum too One girl who is 9. Never had a day/night away from me aside from the occassional trip to Grandad's but even they have petered out in recent years as he is poorly. It is hard but it will get easier. I work full time and am a full time Mummy - christ knows how I manage some days but we are all clean and watered and warm and that's all that matters

Make sure you have rules and boundaries for the 3 year old so he knows where he stands and when ex takes baby out for couple of hours then try and spend that as quality one on one with 3 year old.

No one ever died from dust or from not breathing fresh air in for a couple of days

Please see your GP though - just to be sure.

SkintGypsy

I have a five year old at school all day and a five month old at home with me. My husband is home by six, and I'm stressed to the eyeballs by the time he walks in! Sounds like you are coping as well as any of us, if not better due to your lack of round the clock support. Cut yourself some slack. Xx

SingleMumOf2_3

I dont think I have PND. I think its all just catching up on me. The ex is a great dad, adores his kids. And helps me massively. I know I am extremely lucky to have my childrens dad want to be in their life like he is. He just stresses me out every week. Has a nack for making me feel guilty over the tiniest thing. And puts pressure on me to get his own way because I am unable to say no.

Stupid me signed a solicitors letter stating when he has the kids so he could get JSA. So now I have that worry added on top of everything else.
Plain and simple really.. I am stupid in that sense.. I knew deep down I shouldnt do it, but pressure got on top of me and I signed. And shout at myself every day for it.. as now he is mentioning money daily and hinting he wants half of my benefits.

Its weird really.. I had a home start woman help me for 2 hrs a week.. and even though it was only 2 hours it helped me sooo much. She had to leave, and there are no more volunteers available at the moment. And all of a sudden it feels so much harder.

Maybe I am just being silly. I know I have the good things in life.. my health, my kids, a roof over my head, food on the table.. but yet I still cannot shake the feeling of dispair at times and the panicky feeling that I am doing a rubbish job.

lauren_1

SingleMumOf2 wrote: »

sorry i didnt mean everyday as in 7 days. i meant everyday hes with me. so 4 days out of 7. the 3 days i just have baby ill usually go out for 1.. so get shopping etc.
i try things like painting and baking. but baby has colic so crys unless being bounced or rocked. and leaving him to cry stresses me out even more.
i think things have just gotten on top of me. sorry for having a moan. im in no way ungrateful for having my amazing boys.

Ah gotya, so its 3 straight days.

Have you tried a sling to help with the colic, i can really recommend a wrap sling, so much better on your back.

Also do you have one of those fancy baby swings that rock and jiggle the baby? I 've heard they can be a godsend too.

Other than tht some earplugs

SingleMumOf2_3

Lauren I have a swing that swing with a vibrate option. He ends up in this for alot of the time as its the only thing to help him sleep when he is screaming blue murder. He is in it as I am typing this. Its a nightmare when the batteries run out though.. I really should buy spares in.

I think I am just used to being married and living with someone who can help take some of the load iygwim. To suddenly be on my own with a 2 year old and be pregnant.. so suddenly a mum of 2. It has been a shock to the system in some ways I think.