husband left

RAS

swiss69 wrote: »

Sorry, totally disagree with you. Kids are very impressionable especially girls and I dont think him sitting them down and telling them he has been texting another women is going to help in the slightest. Girls can be tainted for life by this sort of revelation. "If my dad did it how can I trust any man"

They dont need to know about the other woman at the moment. It sounds like he doesnt know what he wants and may well come back to you with his tail between his legs. You have already said that you would take him back and trust him in time so dont ruin this by telling the kids about the other woman.

It is almost inevitable that he will be sleeping with this woman or certainly has every intention of doing so as men just dont need women as friends. In general we have very little in common and can get all the support we need down the pub with mates.

I would suggest that you do cut out all this contact by text, however hard that may be, tell him you will give him a month to sort his head out and make a decision. In the meantime, go out and buy yourself some new clothes and get your hair styled. Start to feel good about yourself.

If after a month, he has not made a decision then tell him you have waited long enough and tell him you want a divorce.

You deserve better so dont stand for any messing

I

Hi

They do need telling the truth, even if it means learning that dad is interested in another woman. How are they to understand why mum is so hurt otherwise?

And he has to tell them otherwise they and he will accuse her of trying to ruin the relationship between the kids and their dad.

You stay it will harm them?

More than believing that their father is happy to abandon them for no reason at all? He could do that any time again, for no reason.

whichwaytuturn

jackieglasgow im not sure that telling the kids is right at the moment if he is unsure and we have told them then they will never forgive him. at the moment he dosent want them to know and i will respect that. its hard taking all the grief and hurt from the kids especially as i know the reason wht he left. even though he insists it has nothing to do with her.

JoJob at the moment they all the say the same that they have questions that they want answered but right now they dont want to know the answers. they have been told that dad dont know whether he loves me anymore. i have said that when they are ready i will answer the questions honestly and the best i can. if they ask me outright i will not lie to them. theres been enough of that from him to me.

RAS as above but when he does tell them i will be present and he will tell them the whole truth not that it started after he left but that he had got close to her while we were still together. if he dont i will if they are cross with him after that well thats a cross he will have to bear. he has never been unfaithful before so this is new ground to me.

swiss69 i believe he has every intention of sleeping with her and she obviously wants to also. what happens after that im not so sure. i know nowhere in the near future could i be thinking of sleeping with anyone else. as for the hair i had it all cut short last week 1st time in a year that i had my haircut normally its in a ponytail. even started witha bit of makeup just lippy eyeliner mascara, but for a women that only wears makeup when im going out to a party ( which dont happen that often) that was a big change and yes i even got a new outfit one that i wouldnt normally wear. i wore it the last time i saw him he didnt mention anything but i know he noticed. and today i even managed to go swimming only for 1o mins but it felt good. i have broken all contact with him now not sure bout giving him a month to sort his head out he is not the type of man to take ultimatums that would make him do the totally opposite

thank you for everyones input it is helping me immensly just being able to say the things without hurting aanyones fellings. your supoort is invaluable to me. i have friends that i can talk to but my best friend is his best friends wife so thats difficult there. my mother in law is being very good but at the end of the day he is her only child and she will eventually back him all the way. regardless to what she says at the moment any mother would. i dont have any parents and i have to be careful hat i tell my siblings as they wont take it lightly and i am bothered by what they will do as they dont like seeing me so hurt.

so thank you and keep it coming

jackieglasgow

You must be very strong to bear this all on your own. He seems to be calling all the shots, you have to decide if he deserves this power over your life, and if it is fair to take the chance that YOUR relationship with your children suffers irrepairable damage because of his behaviour.

Keeping_Motivated

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Keep being strong and dignified as much as you can.

I must say you are being protective of him much more so than I would be, especially as the one you are protecting is the very person who is hurting you! I'm not suggesting you rush and tell the kids or your family to spite him but I think you might need the support from your family and that is more important than protecting him and if the kids are told gently it might stop them letting their imaginations run wild and also blaming you.

Take care

whichwaytuturn

thank you i dont feel strong at the moment. i have told my mother in law everything i know i have hurt her by telling her. she thinks the sunshines out of his backside.lol he on the other hand hasnt even spoke to his mum about what has happened all she knows from him is that we have split up. everyting else she know from me. even knowing everything if push comes to shove she will stand by her soon. she has been very good to me since my own mum passed awat=y. i can talk quite openly with her. my father i law has always been the father that i never had. he is not an emotional man but whenever he sees me he has tears in his eyes. so they are hurting.

my friends i have now told everything but just have to be careful as i dont want thier relationship to suffer because of what either of them know, but he hasnt spoken to his best mate at all. i think thats because his best mate had suspisions and questioned him about 5 weeks ago and he denied anything was going on. he dont see no wrong in him flirting or texting her im sure if that was me that would be a different story.

my sisters are very angry and they say what they are thinking regardless to the outcome so they know bits but not evryhing cos if we get back together i know they will keep passing snide comments and i dont want that.
i hope that my relationship with the kids dont suffer .

whichwaytuturn

keeping motivated i know i am still protecting him i always have done. i dont like anyone dissaproving of my husband. people keep saying to me why r u doing this habit i suppose. i havent got to the spiteful stage i havent even called him names yet. not even to my closet friends and i keep making excuses for him and blame me i must of being doing something wrong, maybe if id made more of an effort with my appearence overweight and didnt like spending money on myself. maybe if i had been a bit more spontaneus in the bedroom difficut with kids that stay up later than you do also difficult with disabilities. the list goes on.

i know that i been doing that and i need to stop it as i know i havent done any wrong this is all his doing.

Keeping_Motivated

If you get back together then any relationships that suffer ie family members or friends will be HIS responsibilty to sort NOT yours. He will have work to do to improve things and to build trust with you and all people connected and giving him that responsibility will be a good thing or he will continue to take advantage and allow you to shoulder more than you should be.

whichwaytuturn

another thing that keeps coming to me is how do you get over this. if he was to come back i would like to think i can forgive him, everybody has rough patches bboy we have had our fair share over theyears. money probs health issues with me and the kids losing babies. we got through all of those together. but this is different he has left the family home and will quite possibly sleep with someone else. so how do u get over that. if he was to come home how do i get her out of my head.

Keeping_Motivated

I think for now you need to deal with one day at a time emotionally and try and write lists daily to deal with all the practical changes and any actions you need to take, otherwise you will drive yourself insane with the if/whys/hows and it might be in vane as at the moment you are unsure what will happen so it will be wasted energy. Deal and think about how you will cope with it when/if you/he makes the decision to try again.

Concentrate on being dignified and strong a day at a time.

KM x

whichwaytuturn

thank you trying to keep my dignity i will not play games. hopefuly will get stronger day by day. emotionally that a different story good days and bad days at the moment. need to get the sleeping under control and the eating, not really eating at the moment but i am trying to do it all for me 1st and the kids second. well i am getting off this computer now as im getting sore