husband left

Misstress

ailuro2 wrote: »

It's a classic mid life crisis, isn't it?

some floozy is throwing herself at him and it's hard for him to resist after all those years of bringing up kids, having the same routine year after year... sorry if this makes life sound humdrum, but that's what life is like.

This other woman probably makes him feel young again , blah blah blah all the usual cliches.... but it's hardly fair of him to do this while you still have 4 teenagers to look after.

Why not frighten the life out of him and suggest he comes home and you move out?;)

Lol sooo funny........ he's obviously not to blame in any way, poor little man (bring back the rolleyes smilie!!)

So many woman are so deluded in blaming the other woman.

Sorry to hear you're going through a tough time OP, hope you fine someone who deserves you.

1sttimer_2

Alias_Omega wrote: »

You have been together for a lifetime. Something has come along and shown him some attention.

Think back to what you both did as a couple when you first met, before the kids came along.

Then,

Think to what you do these days together.?


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Sorry Alias, but why is it always the one who has had the s**t thrown at them the ones to fawn to the s*****r's ego!
I've had problems with my OH and I've gone down this road (he never left though) and I've tried things like this but OH doesn't try - so why bother? (BTW we've never had an AI holiday with or without kids, we'd never agree on a movie and he'd never rent one- or go to cinema with me, and after 30+ years, the price is the first thing he looks at at any restaurant!)

I know it takes 2 to make a marriage work, but often the two are usually made up of 1 giving and 1 receiving - I'll let you work out which is which.

Whichwaytuturn - believe in yourself, you have done nothing wrong so don't lower your standards to suit your OH. You must be strong and stay focused on yourself and your children and do what you think is best for you and them and not your OH! He's already made his choice, and he didn't think about you or your family when he decided what to do did he?
Lot's of hugs being sent your way (((((hugs)))))

whichwaytuturn

thank you for everyones comments i will try and answer them in order.

alias -omega I ask,

• When was the last time you went away abroad on an all-inclusive holiday without the children.?
• When was the last time you watched a movie on the sofa together with no kids in the house.?
• When was the last time you went out for a meal, and did not order by price.?

we have never been on holiday on our own we have never spent a single night alone in a hotel room
i cant remember usually its family movies
never mind looking at price i cant remember the last time we went out never mind for a meal. certainly not for the last few years.

jackieglasgow i totally agrre with you i feel her cheated the minute he started flirting even before he stayed at hers. he doesnt feel that he has. even while all this was going on and right up until he left we were still very much a couple in every sense!

mardatha i will not lie for him im done with that i did try and protect him for the 1st fews weeks( i didnt say anything bout the texting) to anyone. that stopped the minute he stayed at her house. i have since made sure everyone knows.bar the kids but i wont do that to them he will. and he will tell them the whole truth not that it started after we split. i will make sure of that cos if he dont i will.

mistress i blame both of them him for allowing himself to get close to another woman and her for encouraging him as she knew he was married with kids and i have told her that too> funny she didnt answer my text. lol

1sttimer. i am trying to stay strong and make myself stronger and if he comes back which is what i ultimately want then things will change as i will not be his doormat anymore. i have given him everything that he wanted over the years, he hasnt done the same.

he can be a selfish man but i already knew that. but as the years went on he took more than he gave. i did start to think its because my disabilities are getting worse longer periods of recovery, more pills to combat the pain and me not really doing very much or going out much as it always hurts. but then i was like this when i met him have been this way since i was 5. we always new that it would get progressively worse and he was well aware of what i would be like when we met. we have always just tried to do what we can when we can and on the days that i cant i rest.

whichwaytuturn

the other problem that i have at the moment is that one of our kids blames me for the break up . they havent directly come and and said it. i have asked but i get no reply. they are bullying one of the younger ones. pushing poking and generally in thier face. how do i handle this part of it.

dc is getting very aggressive with me swearing shouting etc and last night after i asked dc not to poke me as its hurt dc continue to do so. dc will not except that my decision not to see their dad had nothing to do with thwm. all that i have asked id that when he wants to see kids could he contact me 1st so i can make myself scarce

any ideas on how to handle this as i know i wont be able to keep my cookl much longr and may inadvertly tell dc about dad

RAS

Hi

How old are the kids?

If three are under 16/still in FT seconday educastion, then you are entitled to claim 25% of his take home pay. You also need to claim benefits like housing and council tax.

whichwaytuturn

ras yes 2 r under 16 and in full time education other r over 16 but still in full time education. at the moment he is still paying for everything as he always done but i know at some point that will have to change.

jackieglasgow

I think your children are old enough to know the truth. Dad isn't sure if he still wants to be married, he thinks he has feelings for someone else, and it hurts me too much to see him when he comes here, and so I have asked him to let me know so that I don't get hurt. I am glad he still wants to see you, and I am deciding if I want to wait for him to make up his mind, or if I want to move on with my life and possibly in the future find someone who respects me and does not betray my trust. I would appreciate your support during this time, as I am hurting too, but no matter what happens in the future between your dad and I , he loves you, and I love you, and because I love you I would never jeapordise your relationship with him.

Straightforward and to the point, not calling dad names, but making it clear to them that this is not an acceptable way to treat anyone, and asking all of them to be supportive of you. Maybe they can egg their sibling on, in behaving more kindly towards you. Good luck with everything.xx

JoJoB

Jackie's right, it is far more confusing and frightening for them not knowing the full truth. You are seeing the effects of that with the child who is blaming you for the break up and getting aggressive with siblings.

RAS

whichwaytuturn wrote: »

the other problem that i have at the moment is that one of our kids blames me for the break up . they havent directly come and and said it. i have asked but i get no reply. they are bullying one of the younger ones. pushing poking and generally in thier face. how do i handle this part of it.

dc is getting very aggressive with me swearing shouting etc and last night after i asked dc not to poke me as its hurt dc continue to do so. dc will not except that my decision not to see their dad had nothing to do with thwm. all that i have asked id that when he wants to see kids could he contact me 1st so i can make myself scarce

any ideas on how to handle this as i know i wont be able to keep my cookl much longr and may inadvertly tell dc about dad

You may not want to see your exOH, but you both need to get together with all the kids and your OH has to tell the children what is happening, including that he has been texting a woman he works with for some time.

You might want to leave the stop over out of it at the moment but if any of the kids ask, he has to tell them the truth. With you present.

swiss69

RAS wrote: »

You may not want to see your exOH, but you both need to get together with all the kids and your OH has to tell the children what is happening, including that he has been texting a woman he works with for some time.

Sorry, totally disagree with you. Kids are very impressionable especially girls and I dont think him sitting them down and telling them he has been texting another women is going to help in the slightest. Girls can be tainted for life by this sort of revelation. "If my dad did it how can I trust any man"

They dont need to know about the other woman at the moment. It sounds like he doesnt know what he wants and may well come back to you with his tail between his legs. You have already said that you would take him back and trust him in time so dont ruin this by telling the kids about the other woman.

It is almost inevitable that he will be sleeping with this woman or certainly has every intention of doing so as men just dont need women as friends. In general we have very little in common and can get all the support we need down the pub with mates.

I would suggest that you do cut out all this contact by text, however hard that may be, tell him you will give him a month to sort his head out and make a decision. In the meantime, go out and buy yourself some new clothes and get your hair styled. Start to feel good about yourself.

If after a month, he has not made a decision then tell him you have waited long enough and tell him you want a divorce.

You deserve better so dont stand for any messing

I