husband left

whichwaytuturn

hello sorry for the long post i will apologise first.

i have been married for over 22 years and have 4 kids. all teeangers. 3 weeks ago husband said he didnt love me anymore didnt want to work it, or try to make things work. this came as quiet a shock to me as i though we were ok. 2 days later i decide to check mobile phone acc to see how many free mins we all had left.

i got the biggest shock of my life he had been texting another person,i questioned him and he decided to come to house to talk. it transpires that he classes her as a close friend but no more. they have been texting each other constantly everyday first thing in morning and early hours of the morning. i printed all the evidence, he had sent over 350 texts to this womwn in 3 weeks.obviously after this revelation he decided to move out(to his parents). i was angry confused shocked hurt everything in all the years we have been together he has never done anything like this before. it turns out this woman works very close to him and they see each other everyday.

the last few weeks have been very hard as when i see him i want to ask questions he dont want to answer and it ends in rows. he keeps phoning ne as do i him texting me turning up at the house to do jobs, take me shopping he sees nothing wrong with us being alone in fact i think he quite like it.

he keeps telling me he dont know if its permanant what he wants etc and im getting very confused. end of last week i came to a decision that i cant handle him contacting me all the time its killing me seeing him and then him leaving.

over the weekend it transpires that he stayed over at her house which i found really hurtful as we had only been apart a few weeks. is that how little he thinks of me.

yesterday i made him come to the house and i told him everything that i and the kids are feeling he sat and cried and i have asked him not to contact me ,call me or come to the house to see kids without letting me know 1st so i can make myself scarce.

i know i still love himand would have him back in a shot, he says he not so sure as he hasnt missed me as much as he should. i said well you are not going to miss me you contact me one way or the other everyday.

now my question at the moment he is supporting me finacially as i dont work.due to illness (longterm) i claim dla for myself and child benifit for the kids.

so as a single disabled person with 4 kids where do i go fromhere. anyone got any thoughts on anything that i have said i would be most grateful.

if it helps we are both in our early 40s:(

hot.chick

Couldn't read and run - and thoughts are with you and your family - HUGGS..

My only advice is contact citizens advice, they should be able to give you practical advice.

I hope things get settled for you as soon as possible

julie2710

Not sure I have much practical advice. I am so sorry about your situation. It must be very hard for you to come to terms with. I would likewise suggest contacting the CAB and the Benefits office. Also get straight on to the Council to claim your rebate on coucil tax. There are probably other things you can do. I'm sure someone else will be along ti give more advice.

In the measntime, concentrate on looking after you. It must have been very hurtful to find out that he had stayed at his "friends" house. Hope this works out ok for you one way or another.

whichwaytuturn

thank you hot.chick for replying. i will contact citizens advice. with regards to our relationship or lack of it. i dont really believe he knows what he wants at the moment which is why im reluctant to push the money side of things i know i have too. i think he has been flattered by the attention of the woman as thay have been flirting for a few months apprantly i have since found out. he wasnt unhappy before the flirting began it was only a few months back that he discussed about getting new wedding rings as his is damaged and mine dont fit anymore.

i believe the fact that he is constantly calling me and coming round is because he needs to see me and i think he is flatered by the attention of another woman. she is older than we are ( not that matters)

hot.chick

it's difficut to get into their heads - he will of course miss you and the family situation, but his actions suggest otherwise.

There have been lots of similar threads on here about a partner leaving and keeping very close contact, sometimes even with hugs and watchng TV together, but always leaving at the end of the night.

This causes lots of confusion, and prolongs the heartache, but such a long marriage isn't something to be turned away from so easily,

You sounds like you are trying to remain open to suggestion as to the outcome of this situation which is very strong of you - just be sure to try not to leave yourself open to further heartache if it can be avoided,

Good luck with it - I hope you have some good friends who you can put the world to rights with

whichwaytuturn

yes hot.chick i am open to him coming home, as thats what i want more than anything. but to try and avoid anymore hurt is why i have decide to break all contact (i dont want to) i nearly contacted him earlier but stopped myself. foe once in my life i am putting my feelings 1st not his or the kids. i have to so this to try and gain some strength from somewhere.

i am going to try and get some independance and do things for myself and not be so dependant on him for my happiness.

ailuro2

It's a classic mid life crisis, isn't it?

some floozy is throwing herself at him and it's hard for him to resist after all those years of bringing up kids, having the same routine year after year... sorry if this makes life sound humdrum, but that's what life is like.

This other woman probably makes him feel young again , blah blah blah all the usual cliches.... but it's hardly fair of him to do this while you still have 4 teenagers to look after.

Why not frighten the life out of him and suggest he comes home and you move out?;)

whichwaytuturn

thank you ailuro2 you made me smile. he would absolutely c**p himself, at the moment the kids wont really talk to him, use him as a taxi service. Also the kids dint know about her yet. 1 i am not going to tell them and 2 he doesnt want them to know yet.

he knows they will not approve of him seeing someone else this soon and also when they find out he was flirting and contacting her behind my back they will go crazy.

not only that if he changes his mind and wants to go home they wont trust him again. i believe i can.

Alias_Omega

You have been together for a lifetime. Something has come along and shown him some attention.

Think back to what you both did as a couple when you first met, before the kids came along.

Then,

Think to what you do these days together.?

I ask,

• When was the last time you went away abroad on an all-inclusive holiday without the children.?
• When was the last time you watched a movie on the sofa together with no kids in the house.?
• When was the last time you went out for a meal, and did not order by price.?

jackieglasgow

What has that got to do with him cheating? Does that mean anyone who hasn't done any of those things has the right to cheat on their partner (and I am sorry to say OP but that's what he's been doing!)? Of course not, relationships change, raising a family together makes life follow a different path, particularly if one of you has a disablilty, and most people are mature enough to grow and develop within the relationship, they don't go off with the first tart that turns their head!

OP your husband has been cheating. Whether its physical or not, his actions have affected your relationship, and hurt you. You need to make that clear to him, and start to move forward with your life, whether or not it includes him will become clear to you once you start to feel stronger about the situation.

mardatha

I've never been in this position pet but I know it must be end -of-your-world kind of feeling. Please dont let him have his cake and eat it ! His head has been turned by this "woman" (for want of a better word and I dont want to be banned lol) - now you need to rattle his chops and give him as big a shock as he gave you. Tell him "the door is that way and I need some money." Why should you lie to your kids anyway- that's colluding with him.
Weakness doesnt work pet and you will end up stood on. Dont let him have his cake and eat it !!