+++SAT/SUN 30th/31st DAILY CHAT+++

beanielou

What was the song that Cher sang on the X factor?
Fab.

Ames

Hi all, I'm back home for a few days. I've been doing my best to support mum but I've managed to !!!! it all up seriously - everyone now thinks I'm a !!!!! who can't wait for her to die so I can spend my inheritance. I thought by concentrating on practical stuff I was taking worry and stress away from her so she could concentrate on chemo and her health. Plus by concentrating on the short term it meant I didn't have to think about the end. I'm really not sure I'm strong enough to support her emotionally with no one to support me, which is really selfish I know. Maybe I am the !!!!! everyone thinks.

Sorry I just needed to let it out.

clairewop

beanielou wrote: »

What was the song that Cher sang on the X factor?
Fab.

here you go beanie

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eXw47qb4U0

shakespears sister - stay

hostie

Beanielou you can join freecylce but not get the emails, just select the weekly digest or no emails. If you don´t get the emails you can offer and request things using the online group. I hope you manage to get your sofabed. x

clairewop

Ames wrote: »

Hi all, I'm back home for a few days. I've been doing my best to support mum but I've managed to !!!! it all up seriously - everyone now thinks I'm a !!!!! who can't wait for her to die so I can spend my inheritance. I thought by concentrating on practical stuff I was taking worry and stress away from her so she could concentrate on chemo and her health. Plus by concentrating on the short term it meant I didn't have to think about the end. I'm really not sure I'm strong enough to support her emotionally with no one to support me, which is really selfish I know. Maybe I am the !!!!! everyone thinks.

Sorry I just needed to let it out.

I'm sure no-one thinks your a !!!!!

scaredy_cat

Ames, there is nothing wrong on being practical.... make sure you get to talk to someone about you and your feelings instead of bottleing them up.

tenmah

Ames wrote: »

Hi all, I'm back home for a few days. I've been doing my best to support mum but I've managed to !!!! it all up seriously - everyone now thinks I'm a !!!!! who can't wait for her to die so I can spend my inheritance. I thought by concentrating on practical stuff I was taking worry and stress away from her so she could concentrate on chemo and her health. Plus by concentrating on the short term it meant I didn't have to think about the end. I'm really not sure I'm strong enough to support her emotionally with no one to support me, which is really selfish I know. Maybe I am the !!!!! everyone thinks.

Sorry I just needed to let it out.

Ames, the practical stuff still needs looking at and looking after. You are not a !!!!!, you are helping by saving your Mum from having to worry about that stuff.

No one knows how to behave in these situations and you are absolutely doing your best.

Be strong, we are here for you.

beanielou

Thanks Hostie.

Ames~Big hugs Ames.
Im sure no one thinks you are just after £££'s.
Is there someone you can talk to?
Maybe get in touch with McMillian to see if they can give you a listening ear?
Take care xxx

beanielou

Thanks Claire for the link.
Love love love it.

Ames

Thanks guys. Mum and her friends think I'm pushing too fast by talking about things like arranging mortgage breaks and that I should be supporting her emotionally instead. As far as they're concerned I'm pushing it so fast so I can get at her money. I'm just trying to concentrate on the short term and what I can do to get things to a point that can carry on forever because I don't want it all to come to an end. Then I've got dad telling me I need to get her to think about a will and everything and making suggestions to me and my sister about what to do when we get to the house and saying that the legal/financial side needs to be looked at, but he's very unemotional and doesn't do feelings. And then there's mums family saying that I need to pull my finger out and help with things like housework and stuff that she can't do - which I just physically can't do. So I don't know if I should be pushing myself and worry about a relapse afterwards, but then what do I do if it (hopefully) carries on past the point I can keep pushing myself. Mum's upset that I've been spending time at dads and not hers, but I'm literally just sleeping then because I'm so tired from doing her shopping and stuff.

Anyway, I'm seeing my GP on tuesday, I'll see if I can get some sort of counselling, but I'm not holding my breath, especially since I'll only be in Leeds for a couple of days a week. I need to think practically about my health too - see if she can increase my anti depressants, and I'm seeing my specialist about starting the blood transfusions asap, maybe that'll help with my energy levels.

I'm really sorry to be posting all this, it was just a real shock when my sister told me how I've been coming across to everyone and what people have been saying about me. I think I'm going to go to bed in a few mins, look at it all again in the morning with a clearer head.