Help required re seperation - not married

westernpromise

Pam17 wrote:

My brother is in the process of separating from his wife at the moment (she is having an affair) and his solicitor told him there were only 3 options regarding the house regardless of the fact his kids are 10 and 7.

1. sell the property and split the equity probably 60/40 in favour of whoever has custody of the kids

2. He can buy her out of the property

2. She can buy him out of the property

There was no mention whatsoever of my brother being forced into financial limbo waiting for the youngest to reach 16 or 18 before he gets his share of the house.

The situation is entirely different between married versus unmarried parents.

AIUI (and IANAL), an unmarried father has to support the children, but not necessarily their mother. I don't think he automatically owes her anything, although I have also heard that if he has been housing her, she can potentially claim shelter. So the "limbo" thing is probably specific to unmarrieds where the kids clearly need a house, ideally the one they are already in. Once the kids leave home, they sell the house and move on.

An informed legal opinion is definitely needed here.

Divorces can be more or less acrimonious. Your brother is going to get taken to the cleaners no matter what, because he made the appalling mistake of getting married. At that point, all "his" property became "theirs". It is now I think a question of how much of his stuff she chooses to let him keep.

My BM is getting divorced and his soon-to-be ex does not intend to let him keep any of it. She is work-averse, so she needs every penny of the equity to buy an unmortgaged house so she can continue to not work. She has not worked in 15 years since getting pregnant. Her view is that he has a job, so he can afford to give her one house and pay for another for himself. He will probably have to work till he is 75 to do so, but then he is just some guy who used to be in her life but isn't any more, so who cares.

I like to think in the OP's situation that I would preserve the children's existing standard of living by paying to keep them in their house and thus at their schools, whatever I happened to think of their mother at this point. She's still their mother, she still has that job to do, and they are entitled to see her treated with dignity and enabled to get on with it. Even if I didn't like her very much any more, you can't disadvantage the kids just because she gains by doing the right thing. If I were the OP, that is the view I would try to get the ex to see.

Where the issues would arise in my case would be around the current ancillary comforts that I probably wouldn't be able to afford any more if also paying for a second home for myself. So the 3-times-a-week cleaners would be sacked, as would the fortnightly gardeners, and the food budget might be based on Tesco Value prices rather than deliveries of Ocado organic groceries. Sacrifices on both sides, basically.

In the case of my BM above, his STB-ex is already moaning that on what he's going to pay her monthly, "how am I going to get my hair done?" (She pays £250 a month, or rather he does, for this. London W9 housewives. What can I say? It's another world.) She has just spent £6,000 on lawyers to argue the toss on this a bit more - which he has to pay - and he has just shrugged and said Fine, that's £6,000 less for us to share.

BARGAINHUNTER!

Well, I am not like that at all! I pay £20 to get my hair done about once every 3 months, and buy the majority of my clothes second hand on Ebay! My primary concern is for the children. I think that it is very important for them to have some stability. And I feel that would mean me staying in the house with the children so that they can continue to go to the same schools and clubs that they have been going to for years and still see the same friends. The only real difference for them would be that their Dad would live in another house not too far away (probably within short walking distance).

Does anyone know if my partner has to pay me 20% of his salary - what I mean is could we not come to a figure between us that is less than this? I would be willing to compromise on this if it meant that I can stay in the house.

hobo28

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote:

Does anyone know if my partner has to pay me 20% of his salary - what I mean is could we not come to a figure between us that is less than this? I would be willing to compromise on this if it meant that I can stay in the house.

Just to be clear, under CSA rules, he is supposed to pay you 20% as child maintenance. Not to for personally. I think thats what you mean anyway.

In addition, he is entitled to a 1/7th reduction for regular nights he has the children. So for arguments sake his is supposed to pay you £49 per week. If the children stay with him for 2 nights a week, he can deduct £14 so he would only be liable for £35. The maximum he can get relief upon is 50%. You can probably now start realising how some selfish parents think well if I stop ex from seeing my kids, I get more money!

In direct answer to your question, if you do not claim income support and you can both agree an amount, CSA will not get involved. As always, its best to agree! If you DO end up claiming income support then neither of you will have a choice and the CSA WILL get involved or you lose benefits.

Just don't fall into the same trap my ex did and think that I'd pay 20% AND have them 3 nights a week! The look on her face was priceless when she realised that she'd missed that vital fact and all her budgeting she'd secretly done to leave me had just gone up in smoke!

Whilst I understand the desire to try and keep things as stable as possible for the kids sake and as part of that you'd like to stay in the same house, just bear in mind that it may not be possible. Your splitting up. Changes will happen and the kids will need to deal with the consequences of your ex and your decision.

westernpromise

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote:

Does anyone know if my partner has to pay me 20% of his salary - what I mean is could we not come to a figure between us that is less than this? I would be willing to compromise on this if it meant that I can stay in the house.

I'm not sure but I don't think he has to house you and then pay you 20% (or whatever it is). The limit of his obligation may well be just the 20%. If keeping you in the house costs him more than 20% then he has more than met his obligation just by doing that.

But I don't know for sure so this is what you need to clarify with your lawyer.

BARGAINHUNTER!

I will not be asking my partner to keep me in the house as such, I will be hopefully taking over the mortgage when we split, so i will be paying for the house from then on. I cannot afford to give him his share of the house now though. I will talk things through with my solicitor and see whats what. Don't think I will be eligible for income support, but will double check. What criteria do you need to meet to get it?

coolio_2

You may not have any choice but to pay him his half of the house. By not doing so, you are expecting him to just rent, and not be able to use his money tied up in the house to buy elsewhere.

MissPrissy

My brother in law is currently going through the same process, also not married.
What we have found out so far is that what's his is his, and what you've paid for is yours (provided you have proof).

If one person pays more into a house in joint tenancy than the other, deposit/extension etc they are entitled to a greater than 50/50 split.

You can contact the CSA direct for advice. They will not get involved directly unless you are on benefits, but advised him £25 per week - he only has one child, check with them for the situation with three. This would be a purely voluntary arrangement, if you felt you needed more you would need to go to court for a judgement.

You say you are not in a position to buy your ex out. Would this change in the future when you were earning more, children in school? If you could arrange a fair price between yourselves then again you will save on court costs, a solicitor would handle the paperwork for a small fee. If you were savvy maybe DIY? Maybe pay him in installments (again get this drawn up legally).

Take the free 1/2 hour legal advice. If you need further advice CAB is good, but horrendous waiting times, or see another solicitor for another 1/2 hour! They can afford it. Also dont be swayed by the solicitors doom and gloom scenarios, think carefully about every stage. I hate to say it but even though he may be reasonable at the moment, it may change in the future so think ahead and be prepared. If you are paying fully for the house you want him off the mortgage asap.

ifonlyitwaseasier

this thread is 4 years old MissPrissy, i think things may have moved on by now....