Feeding babies

bumpybecky

trying very hard not to be rude and also not to upset those who didn't breastfeed their babies....

can I make a wild guess that breastfeeding isn't the 'done' thing in his family / social group? from my experience Dads who haven't known anyone feed sucessfully are not as supportive as they just don't know how good it is

have you explained to him why breastfeeding is best for you and the baby? it's not just that it's best nutritionally, easier when out and about, it also has health benefits for the mother (reduced cancer rates etc) and is also environmentally friendly and best of all free

I hope if your DH fully understood why breastfeeding is so important for both you and your baby he'd not feel you were 'pushing him out'

As the others have said, there are plenty of opportunties for him to be invloved, bathing, nappies, generally cuddling and holding etc. Feeding is only part of the story, admittedly a large part in the early days!

Links for more info if you need it...

Ecologist article on breastfeeding - good comparison on breast vs formula

How Daddies can help support breastfeeding

Kellymom - excellent online resource for all questions related to breastfeeding

Kellymom page on Dads and breastfeeding - lots of links


Mr Bumpy is incredibly pro-bfing he'd worked out that if I breastfed the baby there was no call on him to get up in the middle of the night to faff about with bottles!

good luck

rio

Apparently the don't express before six weeks is a bit of a myth. DS refused to feed from one breast from day one. which apparently happens quite a lot with boys. I was advised to express from the side that he rejected and bottle feed him every other feed. I think he was about 10 days old when I started this. He didn't have any problem taking a bottle and still alternated feeds on the breast, and we carried on this way for the next four months.

modgit

My DH assumed responsibility for bathtime immediately as he felt that was his bonding / Daddy time and 8 years later it's still "his job!", our 3rd is due in December and he's still excited about the prospect of a new bath routine etc he was pleased that I fed our boys myself, but did worry about missing out himself, however, when he realised that his lack of equipment = one good nights sleep (for him!), without me asking him to warm / make up bottles at some unearthly hour, he soon got over it!

It maybe that your DH feels that you've "been there and done it" all before and is feeling like a novice in comparison.

Becles

bumpybecky wrote:

can I make a wild guess that breastfeeding isn't the 'done' thing in his family / social group? from my experience Dads who haven't known anyone feed sucessfully are not as supportive as they just don't know how good it is

That's a good point. His Mam didn't breastfeed and not sure about the rest of his family.

Thanks all for all the comments and links. Will use them and try and talk to him some more.

fsdss

just another point. your husband will have a heck of a job giving baby a bottle when you're around, babies are naturally in tune to the smell of mum being around. simple.

so by hubby giving baby a bottle will exclude you from the area in which the feeding will be done and will inevitably put pressure on you to keep away and pressure on hubby to hurry on with the job.

how about treating the new dad to a baby massage course? this will stimulate the bonding process and he will get the "intimate" closeness that he so desires.

breast is best

inkie

I wonder why it is that men naturally gravitate to the feeding to being involved. Seen it time and time again as a midwife - its a shame that the nappy change is not as attractive. I would give him a copy of sucessful breastfeeding to read - he will soon realise that introducing a formula feed may be the begining of a slippery slope.

BlondieE

I breastfed my first daughter and now my 2nd in breastfed only too. Daddy has plenty of times for cuddles and loves doing bathtime routine.

jellyhead

i think we're all being a bit harsh towards mr becles - perhaps he wants to take part in the feeding so that he can share the night feeds and take turns to allow becles to get more sleep?

about the weight thing, off topic yes but lots of breastfeeding mothers are persuaded onto bottles because baby drops off the centile. the new charts that are being formulated for use in a couple of years time (i think) will take into account that many breastfed babies follow their curve for a couple of months and then drop off it and don't gain as much weight. this is because the charts are based on formula fed american babies. i don't breastfeed myself, just pick up on what the health visitor tells my sister because we go in together, quicker to get babies undressed etc. while the other is being weighed. prima baby also mentioned the new charts recently. apparently it is perfectly normal for a breastfed baby to drop off the curve. the new charts will have less weight gain as the average after the first couple of months.

super41

bumpybecky wrote:

can I make a wild guess that breastfeeding isn't the 'done' thing in his family / social group? from my experience Dads who haven't known anyone feed sucessfully are not as supportive as they just don't know how good it is

Following on from this I was wondering could it be that your OH finds the idea of you breastfeeding in front of other people embarrassing or something? Perhaps he doesn't realise that nothing much actually shows and its really no big deal.

full-time-mum

I breastfed both my 2. First time around, I did express and, like you struggled to get enough - I used to call the few frozen bottles my gold dust. However, second time around I had no problem but left it too late to give a bottle and it was difficult to get her to take a bottle.

My advice (and I apologise as I don't have time now to read everything above) is to persevere with expressing. Things to try (and don't laugh, they either worked for me or one of my friends)
1: Express from the other side whilst baby is feeding.
2: Express whilst looking at baby sleeping/crying (whatever works)
3: Try thinking about other people expressing or cows being milked (I know stranged but worked for my friend), visualise the milk flowing through your breasts, be inventive and try lots of images (no-one knows what you are really thinking)
4: Always express at the same time each day so that your body factors it in to the demand cycle.
5: Try a hand pump, try an electric one. I found hand better and used an irregular pattern. Pump, Pump, Pump and hold, pause, pump etc - seemed to work as I guess it mimicked baby feeding.
6: Express first thing when you are really full.
7: Don't get disheartened and keep going for serveral days at the same time (see 4)
8: Remember that even a little bit is better than nothing and lots of little bits make a whole.
9: Remember that it takes about 2 days for your body to catch up with increased demand.
10. Drink lots of water and remember to eat regularly, rest and don't try to be supermum (I know, easier said than done)
11. Trust your instinct and don't be tempted or bullied into topping up unless you want to.
12. There are plenty of ways for dad to bond other than just feeding.
13. weeks 6 - 8 are optimum for introducing a bottle. It takes 6 weeks to establish your breastfeeding but by 8 you may have problems getting baby to accept a bottle.
14. Talk to OH about breasts and your/his/baby's ownership and make sure he knows he will get them back and that your lack of desire (if it affects you) is down to tiredness, hormones, stitches etc and not him. (I remember having a chat at a toddler group and we came to the conclusion that most of us weren't interested in sex for at least 18 months - its good to know you aren't abnormal)

Above all, try not to get too stressed about it as it won't help.

Good Luck, I hope you manage to work it out.