Its tough, it will get better and guess what its freezing brrrrr!

katholicos

Hippeechiq wrote: »

Annie56 I somehow missed your post on the other page - congrats on your divorce :T

I found, as happy as I was (and am) in my new life, that I felt a bit sad when mine finally came through, and I think it's kinda natural, so don't be surprised if in the next few days you find you're not quite as elated as you expected...........not trying to rain on your parade hun, just friendly advice and hey, you may be different to me.

You've got plenty to keep your mind occupied though, and in the nicest possible way

It's wierd isn't it? I was married to an abusive and manipulative creep but though i initiated the divorce proceedings and desperately wanted for myself and the children to be safe from him (with injunction after injunction) when the decree absolute came through i actually felt a pang of sadness. Not for being rid if the jerk...but i felt sad that i had not been able to make it work...but then it takes two to make a marriage work and he never could see that what he was doing was wrong...used to tell me i should 'put up with it like his mother had'.

He used to tell me that he knew just how to hurt a woman so the bruises wouldn't show....he certainly had enough practice on me, but the emotional abuse was worse than anything.

I despise the man, because his manipulative games still continue (we have a teenage son together)...so as yet i still feel that i have not moved on, but i left him 11 years ago. I guess theres no knowing how long it can take to heal. But now i thank God that i ended the relationship, should have done it years before I did...but kept thinking he would change.

I'm so pleased (and perhaps just a tad envious!) for women (especially dear Annie56) who can close those nightmare chapters of the book of life and move forward. I hope there will be happier chapters in my own life, i'm certainly a much more contented person these days

On another note.....i'm going to jack in my TV if the BBC raise the already extortionate TV License.

pink_numbers

I'm feeling lost

We've been trying so hard to knuckle down, and to an extent, we have managed to do that. We've done all the big cutting backs, and also as much of the smaller cut backs as we can manage. We've cut back a lot.

But now what?

I'm starting to feel lost. I count the days until the wages come in, staring at finance tables and charts that don't move. I've ran out of different types of charts and tables I could construct! Time goes so slowly when you are trying not to spend money. I'm afraid to go out to the shops in case I buy something unplanned.

How does everyone else keep themselves motivate?

Hippeechiq

greent wrote: »

OH has finally agreed to get some anger management counselling - he's needed it for years and years and also suffers from depression (to teh point of suicide attempts) Excuse any typos, but my laptop is missing some keys from his latest angry incident - but at least this time he's taking some real action. We can't continue like this - it's not good for any of s.
x

Good news that he's seeking help hun :grouphug: My daugther suffers from a similar illness, with anger issues and self harms, so I know just how exhausting it can be to live in a constant depressing, volatile atmosphere, walking about on egg shells all the time, and never knowing what's going to trigger an outburst. I wish you/him the best of luck with the counselling.

Congrats on son getting through to grammar by the way, you must be extremely proud :T

Penelope_Penguin wrote: »

I'm quite looking forward to tomorrow, but not because of the budgetary plans

What a tease!!! Spill the beans then!

jaxx46

Annie56 Congratulations, onwards and upwards.

Re the cuts to CB etc, I too have a 15yr old looking to go to college next year and if they take away CB and EMA we will be a tad screwed. We've already lost our home, business and my health due to the recession, and at the moment rely on benefits. One of our biggest expenses is son's bus fare for school. If we lived between 3 & 6m from school he could have a free bus pass, but because we live 12m he can't :mad: So we pay £19 :eek: a week for a 7day bus ticket and the buses only run 6 days a week from our village I'm just hoping that if these cuts are going to happen they will be phased in over a couple of years, giving us more time to make cuts of our own. I've already told my lot that we're cutting down on the amount of meat we buy so will be searching for tasty veg dishes in the near future, DP has made himself a catapult :rotfl::rotfl: to go rabbiting he says. Personally I can't see him going out in the cold & dark but we shall see

jaxx

mambury

Penelope_Penguin wrote: »

My engagement ring cost nothing like a year's salary when DH bought it for me more than 21 years ago. I took that to mean that he was careful with his money, rather than frittering it on mere baubles That we;ve been happily married for over 20 years - draw your own conclusions

Mine cost him a princly sum of £12.... from a car boot sale!!! Valued at £200 (not a fortune, but he used to have an eye for a bargain!) and the wedding..... not a lot! We won the cruise and the flights, got married on ship, had a knees up in the village hall with family chipping in to do the buffet. Because we refused help from family for a 'big' wedding the inlaws gave us £5k as a deposit for a house... without that we would not be in the position we are in now OH's sister HAD to have the big wedding.... in the end she spent £0 and her parents took out a loan and spent £13k.... The best of it was she was living in a caravan (a really nasty one at that) at the time but wasn't interested in buying a house... oh, and she was pregnant too.... Isn't it wierd how some peoples priorities are so different to others....

pink_numbers wrote: »

I'm feeling lost

We've been trying so hard to knuckle down, and to an extent, we have managed to do that. We've done all the big cutting backs, and also as much of the smaller cut backs as we can manage. We've cut back a lot.

But now what?

I'm starting to feel lost. I count the days until the wages come in, staring at finance tables and charts that don't move. I've ran out of different types of charts and tables I could construct! Time goes so slowly when you are trying not to spend money. I'm afraid to go out to the shops in case I buy something unplanned.

How does everyone else keep themselves motivate?

Personally I have approx £50 a month in the budget for family treats... be that for a couple of decent takeaways, or a couple of nice days out a month. OH and I also have 'pocket money'.... We both have the same amount each month to spend as we wish.... He drinks and smokes, I smoke and this comes from our pocket money. That way if I want to spend £1 on a trashy celeb mag I can without feeling guilty or it affecting the household finances. I have been known to save half of my pm to spend the next month on some clothes or a bag or something to treat me.

I would recommend pink numbers that you try something similar. See how it goes, even if it is only £5 a month, its treat money and makes the belt tightening easier to deal with.

EDIT - yay annie56!!

crumblepie

A few pages back (sorry taken me ages to catch up) mentioned thermal socks from poundland but not having ladies ones. I bought some this week from there I think the trick is to keep going in and looking, they'll turn up eventually. My only gripe with them is they are quite short. But two pairs for a quid I'm not complaining.

JoJoB

Oh dear............

Well I was anticipating really tightening our belts since we are finding it difficult to manage at the moment, so joined this thread for moral support and ideas etc.

OH came home tonight with the news he is about to be made redundant from one of his jobs - so our household income is going to be nearly halved, from 30K to 18K. He has both the jobs at the same place of work (he is a uni lecturer) - one of the jobs is the teaching/academic side and the other is as a student advisor/course co-ordinator. It has been recommended that all the student advisor roles be cut. It's such a shame as he only just got the job this year and as such it really meant we were able to plan a little for the future and just generally not be panicking about finances too much, even if there were a few tight months here and there.

So I really need to get organised now and be on the ball with money.... so upset for OH. But things could be so much worse - with the remainder of his job in the university sector and universities about to have 40% of their funding withdrawn it is entirely possible he won't have the remainder of his job either by this time next year.

I wish I had a garden so I could grow veg!

catznine

So sorry to hear that JoJo! (((hugs))) Thank goodness for this board! Lots of moneysaving ideas here!

Do you have a balcony where you could grow some veg in pots? I managed some lovely carrots this year in pots.

pink_numbers

mambury - thank you for taking your time to reply to my post. I can see how even £5 a month would help for guilt free spending. We do both have pocket money (£5 a week) but we tend to put that towards things that we need for the house, etc. rather than just 'spend' on ourselves. I'll talk to my OH about maybe setting some of that aside for spending as we want. Thank you

JoJoB - I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's job. I know how hard things are in universities at the moment. How many people do you have in your household? 18K, although considerably (and scarily) less than 30K, it IS possible to run a comfortable household on 18K (as long as you don't have a dozen kids!!). I'm sure the lovely ladies on here will help trim spendings right down if you could share a little bit more about your household

ChocClare

Congrats and at the same time commiserations to you, Annie56 - I am happy for you that you are starting a whole new phase of your life, but sad for you that this one didn't work out (if you know what I mean).

Weirdly enough, many of the divorced women I know have said that their ex phoned them just before the final hearing to say they missed them and couldn't they give it another try - and all were cake-and-eat-it blokes who had a girlfriend at the same time Still, onwards and upwards, and so pleased to hear Martin seems so nice.

JoJoB, does your DH have a union rep he could talk to? I ask, because my friend's husband has just taken redundancy (he was a photography lecturer and they are cutting right back). The union rep who was brought in to speak for all the lecturers advised he join the agency (sorry, can't remember the name) which the university used for covering sickness etc. In his case, they did away with the pastoral part of his job first, and because they were a bit heavy-handed with the old axe, they have actually left themselves short. As usual, they did not realise how much extra, unpaid work the lecturers did. Now that John is gone, they are realising that they aren't just covering his (say) 35 hours per week, but the extra 10 he did because he cared about how his students were doing and wanted to help them. Two months after being made redundant, he is back (through the agency and part-time contracts) doing a cut-down version of his old job at more money. Crazy, I know, but maybe your DH could benefit from something similar? I know when my brother was a (whatever the male equivalent of a sister is - charge nurse????), they wouldn't pay him the overtime to pick up extra shifts, so he came back through an agency he belonged to and earnt more money as a humble staff nurse on his own ward. Yes: this is why they are making cuts in the public sector - budgets ARE this stupid...