Annoyed at feeling guilty

Piggles12345

:mad: Grrr!

I am really annoyed with myself today. Basically I got paid yesterday (I get paid quarterly so when I get paid, my bank balance jumps up by quite a bit) and then spent £60 on perfume and cosemtics for myself.

I rarely spend money on myself as I have this weird complex about it that I think I got from my mum. Basically, when I was a child, my family was quite poor and my mum sacrificed her own needs and desires for that of everyone else. So, for example, she would always serve food to me, my dad and my grandad (grandad lived with us) first and then herself and if there wasn't enough left for her then she'd just go without.

She never said that's what she was doing but I don't think I ever saw her buy anything for herself as a treat (even just a cake in the shopping) all of my childhood until I was about 11 and our finances started looking up.

Anyway, fast forward to now. My partner are I are DINKs (dual income, no kids) and we both earn a very good salary and £60 for purely selfish perfume and costmetics isn't a big deal for us. So I am really irritated at myself that I can't shake this sense of guilt about buying it. It's not as though that £60 would have been used for anything else- its not like if I had kids' and I've taken it out of their Xmas fund or anything but I feel like I need to make the money back again by either working extra hours or doing more surveys etc.

Talking to a woman at work today, she has the same thing and she also thinks she gets it from her mum who never treated herself either. Is this a woman thing? Do other women feel like this?

:mad: Sorry for the rant - I am just so irritated with myself at the moment!!

bap98189

How about you put aside a small amount of money each month and use it spend on things for yourself. Designate it "fun money" or something which is there to be spent on treats of luxuries such as this. If you are designate a specific amount of money each month for this it might help you feel less guilty.

JaneRN

I can relate to that - growing up in a large family, wearing second hand clothes and not having many treats. Now when I buy myself something I start feeling anxious about it and ponder about taking it back. Something else I do when I do treat myself, is feel quilty actually using them, I have many items not used - probably past their best before date, but I can't bring myself to throw them away as that would be a waste of money!?
I don't know what the answer is but I read a ?short story, somewhere from the point of view of a woman just being diagnosed with a terminal illness. She describes amongst other things, the fancy expensive expensive scented candles still neatly wrapped and unused! It made me think that we never know what is around the corner and we should enjoy what we've got while we've got it. It hasn't lead me to throwing caution to the wind, but it helps take the edge off the guilt.

BitterAndTwisted

It's very hard to shake off long-standing habits and modes of thinking but I honestly do think that you should be doing some work on yourself to shake off any guilt. £60 a quarter is less than a fiver a week and some people spend double that on a Starbucks on the way to work every day. If you're still living within your means, you're worth it.

If you can afford it and you don't have any other areas like clothes that you're spending more than is sensible on I'd be spending that modest amount completely and utterly guilt-free. I daresay your partner could be spending quite a lot more than that on their personal spends, never mind both of your hobbies and going out together or whatnot.

nearlyrich

I was brought up by a Mum like yours, I am lucky that I have a good job and I can afford treats these days but I also agonise about spending money on none essentials, I don't feel guilty though because I'm not spending what I can't afford or money that is meant for another purpose. I tend to not spend anything for ages then have a mad shopping spree and spend loads at once.

Tish_P

I know what you mean! Keep telling yourself that if you can afford it, and if it will give you £60 worth of pleasure, then it was a sensible purchase. (Perfume is something I think it's worth splashing out on because a bottle lasts ages and wearing a scent you love is a real pick-me-up.)

McKneff

Wow, i thought I was the only one in the world like this.

Its exactly the same scenario,

I even get a buzz when i get a bargain pair of good trousers from a car boot sale.

I was just saying to a friend the other day that its strange that i feel like that but on the other hand i have so many coats and jackets (mostly from car boot sales) and i think its probably from childhood when i had to go to school for a few days (in the cold weather) coatless because i simply did not have a coat and I had to wait for one coming into the second hand shop) I'm talking about just more than 50 years ago here but its still there, in the sub concious, lurking about. :rotfl::rotfl:
I have no debt, own my house outright, not short of a bob or two and still i hesitate before I buy anything new for me personally, and i have just spashed out £4.5k on a new bathroom suite - silly isnt it.

Piggles12345

Hi all,

I'm so glad that other people feel this way (well, not glad that we all feel anxious and guilty about spending money on ourselves, but you know what I mean). I look at my friends and colleagues who get paid and go and spend several hundred pounds on clothes, shoes, perfume etc. and I just think 'how are you not anxious or guilty about that?'

It's really odd because now my mum doesn't have any money worries and she is always going out and buying herself things like shoes, jewellery, scarves etc. and she doesn't have a scrap of guilt!

I'm totally on top on our finances and I know we've got more than enough for me to splash out on myself every now and then but I always feel like if I spend some money on a pure treat (i.e. something that I don't need) I always feel like that money could be spent on something more useful or that would benefit myself and my partner rather than just me!

Evansangel

I got my holiday pay from work today and DH said i could buy myself something as i dont buy myself much.
I spent £10 in body shop and i feel guilty about it

DH said if we ever won the lottery i still wouldn't spend it :rotfl:

Any

I am exactly in the same situation as you OP.
I nearly never buy anything full price - I always shop at sales, and even if I get M&S vouchers from my credit card I refuse to spend it on full priced stuff!

I nearly always when I go out shopping (in sales) buy something for my OH as well, to feel better about spending for myself.

I don't have the same issues with food - I easily spend the vouchers on realy nice food for us, but if I had to buy it as a lunch just for myself I will again look at the price tags and will not buy as nice stuff if it is just for myself.

Fortunately I have no issues to splash on booking a holiday, again I will look for best price and will not go for 4* hotel unless it is the cheapest one in between 3* ones:-)), but I am not too tight not to go at all. So all the money I don't spend during the year I easily blow in 10 mins at Travel agents..

But sometimes I am annoyed with myself that I cannot get myself to buy something for full price, when I like the look of it.. especialy when going shopping with friends (I go just because we get lunch while out) outside sales time and come back after 3 hours and I have nothing to show for the past 3 hours... But week later when we are going out I think to myself "if only I bought that nice top last week and didn't worry about the fact that it was £35.." My OH thinks I am weird because of that.

If we are all like this, no idea why the woman fashion industry is so big!!!:-))

Perdi

It's nice to know so many of you have the same wierd thought patterns as me. I could have written most of these posts!

I do think it totally comes from how we're brought up. My parents always went without for us kids as money was so tight, they tried to hide it but I was aware of how bad things were from an early age. I used to save up my pocket money, I thought if I could save £100 (which is an absolute fortune when you're little) I would be able to present it to them and they wouldn't have to worry anymore. My mum found out when I'd reached £25 and freaked and made me go spend it on toys. :rotfl:And then I drove her nuts because I spent ages in the toy shop weighing up the play vs cost ratios of buying several My Little Ponies or one big thing.:rotfl:

Funny story aside, it did have a lasting impact on me, I am uptight about money despite being pretty confortably off now. OH and I don't spend outside our means, but he's good at getting me to relax about money and enjoy myself a little. That said I don't treat myself very often as he earns over double my salary and tends to clear off any spending on credit cards etc before I make a dent, so I don't feel right spending any spare cash I have on myself. He doesn't complain, it's just my hang up, I iike to feel him out over any big spends first so I don't feel guilty...apart from the occasional pair of shoes that I sneak in.;)