Welcome to Jo's Diner!

jo1972

winebox wrote: »

:hello::hello::hello:

jo1972

Morning all,

Things seem to be changing daily here, made coffee and took it in to him last night in the living room and he knew what was about to happen cos he said 'dont start again please' so I got my coffee and started again lol. Told him that I wanted it sorted, he now understands that it's real and it is happening. I will keep working on him for the next few days before I make a definite decision.

Spoke to DD1 last night before I spoke to OH and she's cool with everything except she said she wouldn't be able to cope if I left the kids behind cos he will have her running round doing everything. She also said that I know that he is incapable of looking after them so I shouldn't leave them. Very difficult this is.

Marru

Could you just go out for a day tomorrow (for a long day) with DD1 and your mum. You could do something lovely together and leave STBE (soon to be ex) with the littlies. Should give him indication what things could be like. Then you would still be there in the evening to tuck them to bed and make sure that they are ok.

jo1972

Thinking I might take myself off to a B&B tonight

maman

Marru wrote: »

Could you just go out for a day tomorrow (for a long day) with DD1 and your mum. You could do something lovely together and leave STBE (soon to be ex) with the littlies. Should give him indication what things could be like. Then you would still be there in the evening to tuck them to bed and make sure that they are ok.

jo1972 wrote: »

Thinking I might take myself off to a B&B tonight

Two excellent ideas, either would give him an idea of what it's like to be in sole charge. Personally I'd go for marru's idea first and keep the B&B idea up your sleeve for a later date (like a school night!).

I do take DD1's point about the expectations on her but she needs to stand firm and only do a minimum. Surely he's not incapable, he can learn like we all did? And a few ready meals and take-aways never hurt anyone in the short term.

penelopedee_2

Sunday night into Monday morning (on a school week) is a good one to do

Miss_Piggy_2

maman wrote: »

Two excellent ideas, either would give him an idea of what it's like to be in sole charge. Personally I'd go for marru's idea first and keep the B&B idea up your sleeve for a later date (like a school night!).

I do take DD1's point about the expectations on her but she needs to stand firm and only do a minimum. Surely he's not incapable, he can learn like we all did? And a few ready meals and take-aways never hurt anyone in the short term.

Mamans right. When my Mum had an operation when I was 13 she was in hospital for two weeks. We had fish and chips every night bar one (and thats cos my nan took pity on us and cooked a dinner!!:rotfl:) .

However, I would be sure to explain to the littlies exactly whats happening - that you just need a little time on your own.You don't want it to seem like you are using them to expose your OH as incapable. I just don't want this backfiring on you in any way (for instance if he suddenly decides he wants to cook clean and be generally responsible!!)

Whatever I'm saying seems to be coming out wrong - can't find the right words. Hope you get the general idea though!:rotfl:

EssexHebridean

Marru wrote: »

Could you just go out for a day tomorrow (for a long day) with DD1 and your mum. You could do something lovely together and leave STBE (soon to be ex) with the littlies. Should give him indication what things could be like. Then you would still be there in the evening to tuck them to bed and make sure that they are ok.

This seems like a proper "best of both worlds" suggestion to me. If he later decides to try to use anything against you, then standing up in court and saying "She went out for a whole day and left me looking after my children!" will just make him sound ridiculous, whereas anything overnight could be spun by a good lawyer to make it sound as though you abandoned them. If you do decide to go away overnight, it needs to be planned at least a week in advance, and document the fact that he not only has been told about it ahead of time, but that you have reminded him a few days ahead too. That way it can be shown that you are being reasonable.

maman wrote: »

Two excellent ideas, either would give him an idea of what it's like to be in sole charge. Personally I'd go for marru's idea first and keep the B&B idea up your sleeve for a later date (like a school night!).

I do take DD1's point about the expectations on her but she needs to stand firm and only do a minimum. Surely he's not incapable, he can learn like we all did? And a few ready meals and take-aways never hurt anyone in the short term.

This is a tricky one isn't it - the last thing anyone wants is for DD1 to get stuck in the middle but one way or another she's likely to. This of course is where Marru's idea comes into its own as by taking her out with you, she's not there to dig him out of the poo when he realises he can't cope.

Miss_Piggy wrote: »

Mamans right. When my Mum had an operation when I was 13 she was in hospital for two weeks. We had fish and chips every night bar one (and thats cos my nan took pity on us and cooked a dinner!!:rotfl:) .

However, I would be sure to explain to the littlies exactly whats happening - that you just need a little time on your own.You don't want it to seem like you are using them to expose your OH as incapable. I just don't want this backfiring on you in any way (for instance if he suddenly decides he wants to cook clean and be generally responsible!!)

Whatever I'm saying seems to be coming out wrong - can't find the right words. Hope you get the general idea though!:rotfl:

Miss P, I think what you are trying to say is exactly what I was trying to say earlier on, and we are both beating about the bush rather which actually may not be helpful at this point in time. To be blunt, whatever you do Jo, be absolutely confident before doing it that he (or rather his solicitor) will not later be able to use it to show that you have abandoned the kids. At the moment I know you think it is unlikely that he would want the responsibility of having them on his own full time, but remember if this turns really nasty then he may decide to go for custody just to spite you. At that point the gloves will come off - hence the comments about being careful. So sorry to put it so bluntly Jo but it seems like the best thing. xxx

Miss_Piggy_2

Thank you EH, thats exactly what I was trying to get across(but was being a bit of a coward!) (phew!). :T

Miss P
xx

winebox

maman wrote: »

I thought I was imagining things reading the words classy and Swindon in the same sentence!

What are you suggesting maman?? Bin to Swindon lately, luv??;)

Jo,

jo1972 wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl:

Dizzyduck wrote: »

Enjoy your curry Winebox - where are you going? We usually go to the Biplob.

& to Miss P - I stay over with a friend & due to kids etc we get a takeaway, usually the Purple Mango (see? Maman? class or wot?!) which does the best veggie dishes ever (I'm not vegetarian, but I love Indian veg dishes) but we tried a new place whose name I've forgotten but it was 'orrible. Declared will not order from there again. btw DD I love biplobs but not been there for years, likewise Jewel in the Crown.



Jo - how's it going...not heard from you today...it's all very difficult isn't it? Thinking of you hun x

As this is Jo's diner I feel compelled to report on FOOD - had poached egg & bacon this morning; I was on toast duty, ergo burnt . Love poached eggs; can't cook 'em so weekend treat at OH's.

Have left-over (ie dried up a bit) gammon joint tonight; can't decide yet how to resuscitate / rescusitate (which is right??) it. (must be the 2nd one - could've just said rescue). Might chop up & do in frying pan with leeks & peas & brown rice. Or a giant sandwich