Life after bankruptcy?

Aesop

beanielou wrote: »

Blimey you are lucky A to have all those shops near you.

Hi No Hope :wave:

I am! I live in a town which is very heavily populated with different demographic groups, so for the Retailers, it makes a lot of sense.

ani_26

beanielou wrote: »

Blimey you are lucky A to have all those shops near you.

Hi No Hope :wave:

Hi beanie x Are you ok today?

ani_26

Aesop wrote: »

He had a better night, thankyou. Only woke me once, he wakes up a lot during the night, but doesn't always call me.

How are you feeling now?

I hope you find your ring Aesop xx

Have you tried a metal detector, magnet? Just a thought



How am i feeling?


I've decided i'm actually feelling quite, dare i say it? good. I'm looking forward to this week. Its going to signify some sort of turning point, albeit, small. Theres some adrenalin circulating round my body, for a change. Am i excited? Not sure thats the right word. What could possibly go wrong now? I don't want to tempt fate, but yes, i'm actually looking forward to it

ani_26

Aesop wrote: »

I am very fortunate that where I live, we still have a traditional Greengrocers. I know one of the guys who works there as his wife is a customer of mine, and he has been seeing us around for a long time.

He has been great recently, giving DS a free banana when I am buying stuff there or just walking past and the other day I bought bananas and veg, and the whole bag only cost me £3! That was very generous of him! To be honest, they aren't that expensive, even their strawberries in the summer are cheaper than sainsburys and they are local produce.

Where i used to live there was a local traditional greengrocers, with produce sourced locally, and sold ridiculously cheap. I do miss this. A good butchers, too. Ah well.


I suppose i'm fortunate, i get around a bit, to say the least, as no two days are ever the same, so i have the opportunity to shop at every supermarket, imaginable. What surprises me, is the fact prices vary on the same product, in the same brand of supermarket, in a different location. But i have plenty of opportunity for buying reduced produce, which i've been living off, for years.

ani_26

Aesop, are you ok? I'm worried about you.


Did you find your ring?

If i lived nearer, i'd offer to look after your children, so you could spend some quality time with your friend. But of course, you don't know who i am, but i'm that sort of a person xx


A big hug

Nohope x

ani_26

15th February 2011.

I've been feeling good,for a few days, but it brings tears to my eyes, to update my diary. Should i feel guilty about feeling on the up. But no one knows more than me, what its like to be at the very bottom. Rock Bottom.

This time last year. This time last year, i'd tried to end it all, i'd cancelled my operation, because i was more concerned about my financial situation then i was my health. After all. I wanted to die anyway. What did it matter? No one cared. To some extent, still, no one cares. No matter. I care. Do i really ? Well, i've made it through, have'nt i? No shrink, no psychologist, no tranquilisers, no anti depressants, no friends, no support, full stop. You find exactly who does care, when you reach rock bottom.Maybe thats not entirely true. For one worker at the CAB, i would'nt be where i am now. And for the charity who paid for my bankruptcy. So to both of you, a huge thanks. No emotional support, though, and thats what i really needed. Just a shoulder to cry on, someone on the other end of a telephone. I suppose there was one person on the other end of the telephone, whilst i tried to commit

Still, my dad never went to the doctors in his life, and maybe that gave me a grounding on how i cope with things. Gave me the strength of character, to defeat this, on my own. I'm not there yet, There are those who say you have mental health problems, you're a nutter, because you are feeling suicidal. I don't see it that way, at all. Like someone said recently, you've got to think, if someone feels so bad about their life, their situation, that ending their life is the only escape. What more can i say? Its hard to remember exactly how i was feeling at that stage. Its like you're living inside suicidal pod. Every thought, feeling is indescribable, but all about , one thing.

ani_26

This is making me more emotional, than i thought

But its time to move on. Where? I don't know.Losing my home was definitely the most upsetting thing of all. Bankruptcy was nothing, compared to that. Having said that, i'm lucky with my outcome, for sure. I've been given another chance, for certain. Is it too late? I should'nt be negative. I have'nt checked on the website for a while. I don't know if my home has sold. I do know the price was reduced by £8000, almost straight away, and the buyer has to complete within 28 days, as its a corporate ownership. I supppose i should look, because the book won't finally be closed until i know theres no recourse from the building soceity.

Its strange. I almost hate my former home and my former life, now. I find it easier to blank it, as i've done with other things. Its almost like it happened to someone else, not me. I feel more free. I don't have the constraints of owning a property, any more. I don't have to worry about the constant repairs, new windows, and all the other responsibilities. I don't even have to find time to do the garden, anymore. I hated doing the garden, but i always did it. Not that i ever had any time to sit in it, and admire the view. My neighbours used to say they did'nt know how i coped on my own. Working long and unsociable hours, and still trying to look after my house and garden, as well. I bloody did'nt. Proof for all, now. I've taken a job, where i used to live, and i'm not sure its a wise idea. I feel everyone will be saying - look at them. They'll have seen the programme and the fact my home was repossessed. Thinking about it, i still have'nt watched the programme myself, yet. Maybe i never will.

beanielou

Not sure what to say really.Sorry.

ani_26

So. Onwards and upwards.

I can live anywhere in the world, now, can't i ? Well i could, if i had the money. Enough said about that, then. At least i no longer have the constraints of owning a property. Constant repairs, new windows, always something needs doing. For now, i have to be content with the roof i currently have over my head. Theres nothing wrong with it. Perfectly ok. But i've no emotional ties with it. I'll probably never have any emotional ties with anything again. Self preservation. Its easier, somehow. You've got to learn to love yourself, before anyone can love you. I'm not saying i don't like myself, but my confidence has been destroyed, in my personal life, after all i've been through. Its probably difficult to understand if you've not been there. I'm fine when i go to work. I think thats the only thing that kept me going, through all of this. Having to keep up the pretence i was a human being at work. Mind you i've always been called a grafter, a workaholic. But maybe i should have more in my life, than immersing myself in work. Still, i need to earn the money right now, no two ways about it. Its funny, but someone asked me out, this morning. Well. I can't be that bad after all. But i'm not on the market for relationships and all that. Maybe i've been on my own for too long. Maybe i've become selfish. Or maybe i'm just too much of a free spirit. Thats the thing i like about work. I get asked to work away, because i have no ties, like others, and i like living somewhere different, for weeks or months, at a time. Other people, definitely would'nt. I may be working away this summer. Cool. That suits me fine. I don't have to worry about the leaks in my property while i'm away, anymore, ( however many times you've had them repaired ). I don't have to consider any one else, in my decisions. Mind you, all my decisions so far, have been bad ones. Made a right mess of my life, did'nt i ?

ani_26

beanielou wrote: »

Not sure what to say really.Sorry.

I'm fine beanie, just taking my diary in little bits, as it were, at the moment.

Are you feeling any better ? xx


Stopping for curry, now, back laters