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What would you do?
Comments
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CCStar
I think your best course of action is to leave your son to get on with his life as he wishes to live it and try to convince your Mum to stop funding him (I recall from another of your threads that she does this).
If you are still on speaking terms with him, I'd tell him that he needs to make sure that he's not breaching the terms of his lease by allowing this woman to stay with him.
I agree that, as an adult, he shouldn't have to account to you what he's doing.
Heartbreaking as it might be, I think you need to let him stand (or fall) on his own two feet.
You had an arrangement that was mutually beneficial to you both.
Now that he is solely responsible for paying the rent, he has every right to deny you the use of the flat if that is what he wants to do.
Good luck with this.0 -
CCStar
I think your best course of action is to leave your son to get on with his life as he wishes to live it and try to convince your Mum to stop funding him (I recall from another of your threads that she does this).
If you are still on speaking terms with him, I'd tell him that he needs to make sure that he's not breaching the terms of his lease by allowing this woman to stay with him.
I agree that, as an adult, he shouldn't have to account to you what he's doing.
Heartbreaking as it might be, I think you need to let him stand (or fall) on his own two feet.
You had an arrangement that was mutually beneficial to you both.
Now that he is solely responsible for paying the rent, he has every right to deny you the use of the flat if that is what he wants to do.
Good luck with this.
Thank you
I agree with letting him stand on his own two feet but when someone else is involved with finances and had an agreement, we feel it would be courteous to discuss any changes.
If he had been paying for the place by himself, then we would have no rights to tell him what to do. Now he is on his own.
We have told him what to be aware of with having a long term guest
We know what is going to happen, he will get some official send a letter or visit and he will come crying to us for help.An average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T
:rotfl: :rotfl: 
:eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0 -
Thank you
I agree with letting him stand on his own two feet but when someone else is involved with finances and had an agreement, we feel it would be courteous to discuss any changes.
If he had been paying for the place by himself, then we would have no rights to tell him what to do. Now he is on his own.
We have told him what to be aware of with having a long term guest
We know what is going to happen, he will get some official send a letter or visit and he will come crying to us for help.
I agree about the courtesy but unfortunately you can't make someone act courteously to another person.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I've been re-reading one of your threads from a year ago and it sounds like your son has people (you, your OH and your Mum) bending over backwards to help him (financially and in other ways) but he just doesn't seem to appreciate it.
As long as you allow him to "come crying to you for help" I can't see things getting any better.0 -
Peeps should read the op's post properly first time round and not jump to conclusions based on what they have read of other persons posts!
It wasn't put across very well but I understood it to mean the son was not in a relationship with the girl!
Do you consider your son a vulnerable person? Easily led perhaps or to take advantage of?
It will be the answer to that question that will guide what you do. If not then leave alone for him to sort out, if so then clearly you need to be looking out for him. If you cannot speak to him about it then simply tell him you are unable to meet the 50% rent any longer and offer him a bed back in the family home. Once he is rid of this girl then you can look for another arrangement.0 -
I agree - even my mum is losing patience with him.I agree about the courtesy but unfortunately you can't make someone act courteously to another person.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I've been re-reading one of your threads from a year ago and it sounds like your son has people (you, your OH and your Mum) bending over backwards to help him (financially and in other ways) but he just doesn't seem to appreciate it.
As long as you allow him to "come crying to you for help" I can't see things getting any better.An average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T :rotfl: :rotfl: :eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0 -
Peeps should read the op's post properly first time round and not jump to conclusions based on what they have read of other persons posts!
It wasn't put across very well but I understood it to mean the son was not in a relationship with the girl!
Do you consider your son a vulnerable person? Easily led perhaps or to take advantage of?
It will be the answer to that question that will guide what you do. If not then leave alone for him to sort out, if so then clearly you need to be looking out for him. If you cannot speak to him about it then simply tell him you are unable to meet the 50% rent any longer and offer him a bed back in the family home. Once he is rid of this girl then you can look for another arrangement.
He invites all and sundry to his flat and he is used by people. When we go round to visit him, there are what you call 'users' who visit him as he has a place.
He got thrown out of his last place as his visitors annoyed the neighbours.
He doesn't annoy his current neighbours.
We had terrible trouble with him at home 5 years ago which led to him leaving 4 years ago as he would not live by our house rules or consider us. So coming back home or living with my mum is not an option.An average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T :rotfl: :rotfl: :eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0 -
Unless he has learning difficulties/ specific needs then you have to let him learn the hard way how to deal with users and hangers on.He invites all and sundry to his flat and he is used by people. When we go round to visit him, there are what you call 'users' who visit him as he has a place.
More "tough love" is the way to go - that listening ear thing - but don't actually bail him out or he will never learn from his mistakes. Being a parent is sometimes bl88dy hard work.;)We had terrible trouble with him at home 5 years ago which led to him leaving 4 years ago as he would not live by our house rules or consider us. So coming back home or living with my mum is not an option.0
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