What would you do?

tbs624

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I could be reading too much into this but I suspect the OP made the "no money, no sex, no housework" comment to describe their not understanding what the basis of this relationship could be. I don't understand it either but then I don't have to. If her only income is JSA then she doesn't really have much to contribute if she's planning on finding her own accommodation at some point. Her JSA could well be stopped altogether if the JobCentre find out that she's cohabiting in any case as partners are expected to support each other. Now, that could prove to be a huge complication for the son.

Depends whether contributions based or income based JSA, and it doesn't sound like they are "partners" in any case. Men and women can live together as non partner housemates

Even if there is a problem with benefits its for son and young lady to sort, not ma and grandma

poppysarah

As my friend might say "he needs to grow a pair"

He really does need to learn from his own mistakes and learn how to sort his own life out.

Horasio

tbs624 wrote: »

Depends whether contributions based or income based JSA, and it doesn't sound like they are "partners" in any case. Men and women can live together as non partner housemates

Even if there is a problem with benefits its for son and young lady to sort, not ma and grandma

If only that would be the case

He will come crawling to us asking for help with the mess he has created, like he has done before.

I cannot comprehend anyone not getting anything out of allowing a 'lodger' to live in your home.

He had a person stay before and they didn't pay their share. My mum was still paying half his rent at that time.

When they left, he said he preferred living alone and found it a pain having another person living with him, so carried on the arrangement. The next thing we heard he was moving this woman in.

Horasio

tbs624 wrote: »

What is that you are actually concerned about- your son and his relationship with the girl or the fact that you no longer have the "visiting rights" which you have hitherto enjoyed?

If he has a tenancy I'm presuming he's an adult? You clearly all live quite close to one another and there seems to be a lot of co-dependency.

My bolding.

He must have had his own reasons for helping this young woman out Is it her furniture you don't like? Is the Welsh accent an issue for you?;) Are her housekeeping skills not up to yours? Whether or not they have sex should be none of your business.

Are you saying you'd be happy to forgo your "second home rights" if only the Welsh lass was offering your son a regular bonk in lieu of rent or got busy with duster?

If he's down as the sole tenant then he doesn't have to discuss with you, or your mother, who he moves in to the property or how he wants to handle the tenancy, and your mother is clearly equally at liberty to decide not to pay half the rent.

He should however have discussed the young lady's presence with his LL if she is to be more than a temporary guest.

As a parent, I'd say you need to step back and let your son make some decisions for himself or are you going to seek to control him until he is in his 50s?There are close families and then are those who effectively suck the life force out of one another.Some young adults never learn how to make their own decisions because of their family's tight grip and that holds them back.Offer him a listening ear and let him sort it out himself.

Look out for a second hand caravan for yourself, so that you can still get away.

We don't care where she comes from nor her choice in furniture.

What upset us is we had an agreement and bought him a laptop as well. As courtesy to us, it would have been nice if he had discussed it first

You are right, he is an adult and it is 'his' flat but we know from past experience he will come crawling back asking us to bail him out.

BitterAndTwisted

Well, having another person there and not contributing while you mother has withheld her support is going to concentrate his mind no end. This property is obviously too large and possibly too expensive for his own needs, so I hope the agreement ends quite soon and that he'll be compelled to make alternative arrangements on his own

tbs624

CCStar wrote: »

If only that would be the case

He will come crawling to us asking for help with the mess he has created, like he has done before.

So, like I said, offer a listening ear but then let him sort it himself.

"Sorry to hear that Billy,oh yes, I'm sure its very difficult for you. Anyway, Strictly's on soon and I must get on with some sex or some housework before it starts. Do let me know how you get on with resolving your issues, son. Now before you go home, I've some bara brith for your housemate"

mufi

tbs624 wrote: »

So, like I said, offer a listening ear but then let him sort it himself.

"Sorry to hear that Billy,oh yes, I'm sure its very difficult for you. Anyway, Strictly's on soon and I must get on with some sex or some housework before it starts. Do let me know how you get on with resolving your issues, son. Now before you go home, I've some bara brith for your housemate"

One of the funniest posts I've ever read. Thank you:T.

lynzpower

What has the laptop got to do with it ?

If my parents bought me a laptop it sure as hell wouldnt have any hold over whom i sleep with or live with.

I actually find it rather inappropriate about your comments about sex. Are you disappointed he isnt having a sexual relationship with this 19 year old girl he has only known for a few weeks? Or do you think she should be providing sex to "earn her keep" ?

What do you mean

I

cannot comprehend anyone not getting anything out of allowing a 'lodger' to live in your home.

Lots of people I know hav helped out people out of the goodness of their hearts and dont need to "get something out of" people. Maybe he feels like you wont understand so isnt talking to you about it?

Traceyg

Sounds like you need to let your son stand on his own two feet and let him learn from his mistakes. It's 8 years since I started living with my partner and are now home owners but we have never had any help for either parents, once we left home that was it, also my parents respect my privacy. It's his house and he's entitled to do whatever he wishes, it may sound harsh but he is a grown up. He might try to sort himself out now part of his rent payment has been stopped but to be honest I really don't see why he should discuss his private life with you, I might be harsh but it's true, be an ear and listen to what he has to say but don't be pushy, it's his life.

Horasio

lynzpower wrote: »

What has the laptop got to do with it ?

If my parents bought me a laptop it sure as hell wouldnt have any hold over whom i sleep with or live with.

I actually find it rather inappropriate about your comments about sex. Are you disappointed he isnt having a sexual relationship with this 19 year old girl he has only known for a few weeks? Or do you think she should be providing sex to "earn her keep" ?

What do you mean

I

Lots of people I know hav helped out people out of the goodness of their hearts and dont need to "get something out of" people. Maybe he feels like you wont understand so isnt talking to you about it?

The laptop was part of a deal to use the flat during the day when he is out, about once a fortnight or in emergencies when the internet is down and to get a mobile phone signal.

We certainly don't think she should give our son sex for her keep but find it surprising he is getting nothing out of having her there.

He has had people stay with him before and he was glad to get shot of them, so my mother has helped him so he can enjoy the place by himself and have his mates round.

We have said he can talk to us and we won't judge him.