Life after bankruptcy?

crumbling

yes my friend, small steps. and some days there seem to be very few steps in any direction followed the next day by an out of control spin. but it will even out. it will.

thoughts xxx

philnicandamy

somebody once described the whole bankruptcy experiance like being on the largest rollercoaster in the world...it has so many ups & downs but in the end it always comes to an end & you walk away a happier person

ani_26

tentimes wrote: »

Putting my counsellor head on: this is you punishing yourself, on top of everyone else giving you a hammering you are giving yourself a kicking for good measure. Think about it

As someone who has been deep in the abyss too, many years ago, I eventually began to be able to seperate what others where doing to me from what I was doing to myself. When my mind cleared a bit I was able to stop doing things to myself. Easier said than done - we all have a natural tendancy to behave in this way.

I would urge you to find a focus, preferably not money related. When other stuff crowds your mind and it feels like you can't control the overwhelming negative thoughts, switch your focus. If you have any CDs left that have any sad songs on them, get rid of them, maybe give them to someone who needs them. When you have pondered a problem more than twice in succession in your own mind you won't solve it yourself, you need to externalise it and talk to someone else.

I found that I was my own worst enemy during these times and I eventually got help and support, learned to trust other people bit by bit, and took their advice sometimes, even when I really didn;t want to. They were able to know what was best for me better than I was in my state of mind. Handing over control helped a lot actually. In retrospect I think it was the overwhelming task of trying to control the mess that my life has become that actually caused me more stress and anxiety than everything else. I just worked on the little things I could control and left the rest.

You WILL get beyond this, and when you do, you will get much more out of life, for the rest of your life, even the simple things. That is something that stays with me - people often wonder why I am contented most of the time - it's the fact that I appreciate a lot of the small stuff that most others don't notice or take for granted. I got that from being where you are now.

Look after yourself and I will be thinking about you as you make your way through, round or over this. You will do it

P.S. I am not religious in any way, in case you are thinking that that is what I am talking about

Thankyou so much for your reply. I see exactly where you are coming from. You're right, i am punishing myself. I've always found it really difficult to accept help from others. Maybe its the way i was brought up up. Somehow, its always been a crusade, me against the world. Ok, so put what is happening to me in real tems in one box, and my thoughts in other box, which is what i've tried to do with my diary. No, i've lost the plot. I can do that, but you mean also look on the postives not just the negatives, from other people and other happenings, as well as trying to see the positive things i'm already trying to achieve for myself. Because there are some, i suppose, even in my befuddled brain, which largely sees the negatives right now.


I do understand what you mean about the simpler things, because thats something i HAVE held close to my heart for some time now. Thats something i'm achieving from my walks right now. With my efforts to completely block out ' everything ', except the sense of everything around me. But then i have always been like that, in enjoying lifes simple pleasures. People don't truly know me, if they don't realise thats who i am.So i go on my walks at the moment, and when thoughts start coming into my head, i consciously make my mind blank, and absorb everything around me, and with it, comes pleasant thoughts.

The surprising thing is, when i was really struggling a few days ago, was it a few days ago? i received a random email from quite an unexpected source, saying you can win a place to work for charity for a year and be paid for it. I was going to apply, then i sank into lethargy again, thinking, what makes you think? But its something i HAVE been thinknig about for a very long time now, but been unable to seriously contemplate, because of my financial situation. You enter your interests, and you get a mountain of places, literaly. It will take me a week to trawl through them. But i have found one 'charity ' that i'm seriously interested in helping with. It looks me, right down to the ground. An outdoor life, helping others, and back to my ' roots '. In the part of the country i was ' born and bred ' , which i still love and miss with all my heart, much as i love it here. I've been hankering after going ' home ', looking to retire home, for some time now. Not that i will ever retire. Its probably not in my nature to, either. but its got the moors and the sea, i just need to increase my level of fitness again, ( if thats possible ). Unfortunately many charities expect you to fund your help to them, but this one does provide accomodation, which is the main problem, ( and paying for it ), so i'm restricted to looking for charities that can provide me something in return, ( like a roof over my head ), unfortunately. I'm seriously interested in wildlife and conservation, and i would love to be involved. Unfortunately i don't have a degree in this field.


Its funny, yesterday, i found a charcoal portrait someone 'did' of me, some years ago. Its got slightly damaged, unfortunately. But its FAB - U - LOUS, darling! Me, at my peak of my skiing abiltites. Its just me. I've never had it framed, but i'm going to now, and hang it on the wall, where it should be. Then when people ask, who is that? i can say, its ME. Its brilliant, and that someone took so much time and effort to capture every small detail. Its been under the stairs for way too long, ( and its a wall size portrait ). This is one thing, i must take with me. Hmmm positives?


Hmmm. I have my own thoughts on religion, but i 'd best, really had, keep those to myself. In actual fact, too, i'm not a money orientated person. You can see that by the things i still ' own ' , which are largely going to be thrown away. Like my tv, which is what? 25- 30 years old, and all my other odds and sods, which are worn out. So it really is back to basics, for me.

You are right, i probably will ' make it ' , but i know there are going to be some unspeakable times in these next few weeks, and there are going to be many times when i hit ' rock bottom ' again.

ramble, ramble, ramble, i'm sorry

But it would be appreciated, if you post again. Many,many thanks xx

ani_26

thebeeches wrote: »

I don't often post but this thread has really got to me.

Nohope, I wish you all the best. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through. Please take one step at a time, you will get there in the end. You have somewhere to live for 6 months which is good. Enough time to establish a base and time for you to seek and arrange your next accommodation.

I wanted to reassure you on some points. I am a landlord (only one property and its occupied by the way). In no way will your credit rating effect your new landlord. Credit ratings are linked by name not address these days so anything that effects your credit will not effect your landlords.

Although it can be difficult to find landlords that accept tenants on housing benefit there are people out there who will consider each case on its merits. For a tenant on housing benefit, the landlord at least knows that if the tenant gets into arrears, the council will start paying direct. So the rent will be virtually guaranteed. In these economic times any tenant paying rent themselves could easily lose their job and not be able to pay the rent.

I would prefer to have a tenant that doesn't wreck the property, even if that means waiting for the council to pay the rent. At the end of the day you know the council won't run away leaving a mess behind with no forwarding address!

Two most important things are a roof over your head and to eat properly.

Following close behind is the support from the lovely people that hang out on this board. They are hear for you, so let them support you.

Hoping things get better for you

TheBeeches

Thankyou for replying The Beeches, and to all of you, in case this seems biased.


One step at a time. Thats the advice i've given to other people, and maybe i can ' deal ' with one thing at a time. Its when something else hits me now, that i descend in to panic, overload, or whatever. Because i'm dealing with things as best i can, on a day to day basis. People have asked me, why don't you do this or do that? I might do, eventualy. But unless you are in this situation yourself, you don't understand what its really like. I live day to day, at the moment, that in itself an achievement. Its been impossible to achieve any more than that. Doing whats got to be done that day.

i'm glad there are some good landlords around. Its not my intention to stay on benefits, in fact i've not applied for housing benefit. I'm still trying to struggle with the little money, i now have left for moving. I should have received the last of any due pay, last week. I received a letter, saying i'd been paid, but it has'nt gone into my account, ( as ever ). I don't know where it is. I will have to ring tomorrow and find out where its gone. I'm just praying it has'nt been paid into my other account, pre bankruptcy. I don't know if this account is now closed? or whether my funds will have actualy gone into that account, and lost, forever. Which means i'm in dire straits. Because that money has to last, to get me back into work again, bills etc. Maybe someone can help me on this one? re info?

But i accept, i'm in no way ready to return to work, just yet. I've got another week before the big removal starts.

Its taken me hours to write these replies, as ever, and now, i'm going to drag myself out for my walk, which i suppose, is a great achievement in itself, that i'm trying to focus on them. The weather is beautiful here, again, and i should make the most of it, as its likely to change, very soon.

Love Nohope xx

lilibet1

walking always lifts my spirits, and it doesnt get much better than a day like this. My favourite time of year - it really is beautiful today. One thing I have to say, not just to you nohope, but to everyone who is feeling low about br etc. I feel guilty about it all, but a lady that lived near me has just been sent to prison for 5 yrs (so will do 2.5yrs) for stealing 1.6 million of her employer, now does she feel guilt for stealing? Does she just feel upset at being caught? I dont know but it makes me realise that we really should not be punishing ourselves for having to go down this route, we have done nothing wrong just in a bad place thats all. x x

ani_26

Yowch

Thats a serious amount of money. Hmmm that was done with intent?


I was just looking for your post Lilibet. I think probablyi live quite close to ssa. Well,as close as you can get, on here.


Thanks for all your replies xx


ps, as i've said time and time again, my favourite time of the year too xx

lilibet1

ssa? sorry x

crumbling

i punish myself. constantly. keep things inside and pretend to others that all is well with the world. some days i actually feel like it is, then........

hugs nohope and others who are struggling xxx

So_Sad_Angel

Nohope wrote: »

....I received a letter, saying i'd been paid, but it has'nt gone into my account, ( as ever ). I don't know where it is. I will have to ring tomorrow and find out where its gone. I'm just praying it has'nt been paid into my other account, pre bankruptcy. I don't know if this account is now closed? or whether my funds will have actualy gone into that account, and lost, forever. Which means i'm in dire straits. Because that money has to last, to get me back into work again, bills etc. Maybe someone can help me on this one? re info?

The old account will be frozen on BR date.....any monies received to that bank account post BR cannot be applied to the account & therefore will be returned to the remitters bank.

If the monies don`t arrive/gone missing then it is the remitters bank that will trace the payment & recall it back.

I would firstly check with the sender tomorrow & see what bank details (sort code/account number) they sent it too....& also if they have had the payment returned already.

Hope that makes sense.

looking_ahead

No hope, Ive copied below, a post i made recently on a topic of sub prime credit cards. i feel its relevant to show you how quickly things can improve after bankruptcy. I had my hose reposessed and lost a business i worked bloody hard building too. there is light at the end of a fairley short tunnell. chin up mate.

Just a note to say that used wisely, Vanquis is an excellent way to rebuild your history. I earn a good wage but have just been discharged from bankruptcy after becomming a victim of the credit crunch.. yes it was all my own fault. my business grew way too quick and I was let down by non payers. anyway just thought Id cheer up a few of you with my tale.
Oct 2008, voluntary hand back of house, chased by northern rock for massive shortfall.
Halifax cred card and OD of £40'000 unmanageable due to collapse of business
Dec 08, took advice and agreed to sequestration ( scottish bankruptcy )
Had to wait for Ltd company to be formally disolved so finaly became bankrupt June 2009

June 2010. Discharged
June 2010.... appplied for and approved for vanquis 1 Day after discharge £250 limit 34%
July 2010. JD Williams account opened with the strandard £125 limit
Aug 2010. Contract phone at £20 mth with Tmobile direct ( previously with them for 2 yrs and paid in full )
Sept 2010. New Iphone 4 on contract with Tmobile so the wife now has my other phone
I now have the RBS Royalies gold current account with cheque book and Visa debit ( did not want and probably wouldnt get borrowing )

I am very forunate to have the advantage of an income of £45000 and am now debt free, have a council house in a nice area, can sleep at night and have the support of a great wife who stood by me during the bad times.

I am using the vanquis and other accounts to build my payment history again and am planning no further searches for at least a year. hopefully through time I can get a mainline credit card and eventually a mortgage again.

This is a great forum for advice and just wanted to share a happy story for once.

Chin up folks. there is light at the end of the tunnell if we use our new found lines of credit wisely